


The Illusion of Success

by hbrooks



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Band Fic, Emo Band AU, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hospital, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, References to Drugs, Rehabilitation, Work In Progress, band au, ghostfire, gladnoct - Freeform, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2018-11-23 10:05:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 64,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hbrooks/pseuds/hbrooks
Summary: Noctis and his friends formed Ghostfire in High School with dreams of becoming rock stars. And their dream came true, but at a huge cost to Noct and Gladio's relationship when they were signed. Their private breakup almost broke up the band but they still are on tour and on contract.





	1. Present: Budapest

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP.

**Present**

In a haze, partly made by medication, partly made by alcohol and sleep deprivation, Noct shuffled in the oversized bed in his hotel room. At this point, they all looked the same no matter what city they were in. Four posts, luxury sheets, a couple bottles of booze half-empty on the dresser, his clothes scattered on the floor and a numb feeling in the pit of his stomach. He groaned at the faint light seeping in through the curtains that didn’t block enough of the sunlight—like he always requested. Maybe he’d sabotaged himself in the middle of a drunken stupor last night.

Every night after a concert on the last couple tours, it was all he could do to hold together enough to make it through the day. He stared at the bottle of Jack Daniels and wondered if he should take some to numb the headache he knew was coming. And the subsequent heartache that was sure to follow. How long had he been running this half-life? Three years? Four years? He sorely just wanted it all to end.

But that wasn’t in the contract.

Everything he could and couldn’t do was in the contract. That fucking piece of shit thing he’d signed along with the rest of them when they were just starting out. If he could take everything back, he’d never have signed it.

But there was literally nothing he could do to get out of his situation though he’d hired lawyer after lawyer at the beginning, even went so far as to have his father look at it and there was nothing he could do. Part of his current situation was because of that imprisoning thing. The other . . . he didn’t even want to think about that. It only led to more drinking.

A little voice whispered that he deserved every moment of suffering, every single little bit of that self-hatred. _It was your choice, it was you who wanted it. You. You are the one that ended everything._

“Stop!” he yelled and threw whatever was in his reach—this being the hotel lamp that didn’t go far, only flopping over the end table lamely, not even breaking. He noticed a small dent in the wood. Like everything had been lately, it was unsatisfactory.

His cell phone rang. He started at the device with sudden hatred for the piercing wail of the ringer. He snatched the thing and stared at the caller. He sighed. _Ignis._ Did he really want to be nagged?

He hung up the call and wiped his face with his hand. His skin was dry and he felt like garbage. The sheets were still slightly damp from his night sweats and he reeked.

“Gross.”

But instead of getting up, he flopped backward, immediately regretting his choice. Like he’d regretted so many. The phone rang again. Again he hung up. Then a knock came on the door.

A muffled voice came through.

“Go away,” Noct said, though it was probably too feeble to make it through the door. He had to save his voice for the concerts. Otherwise he’d be breaking his contract. That blasted document.

Then he heard the door open.

And Noct knew who it was before he could see the man. Before he even said anything.

“Oh, my dear Noctis, my little _nephew_ ,” Ardyn said. “I should be so ashamed to see you in such a state, but I find myself worried for you. Think about the publicity a stint in rehab would do if you had to go.”

Noctis said nothing, instead glaring at his manager. The asshole who locked them all in a shitty contract. Ardyn wore his usual flamboyant, ostentatious costume with that ridiculous hat. He stood there, a slight pout on his face, like Noct had disappointed him, and should be scolded or punished.

Ardyn clicked his tongue. “And in such a sorry state.” He took a whiff. “I supposed I should have brought my handkerchief,” he said to no one.

“What?”

“Well, my dear Noctis,” Ardyn said, bowing slightly. “I fear we have a problem. We have a press call in ten minutes and you appear like you aren’t ready for something so strenuous. Of course, that’ll be most disappointing to your adoring fans. They do love you, you know. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to break their hearts.”

Noct gritted his teeth. A moment later, Ignis came through the open door.

“Noct!” But he stopped cold in his tracks like he ran into a brick wall when he saw Ardyn standing there like he was holding court.

_How many more years do I have in that fucking contract?_

“Ah, well,” Ignis stammered. “I suppose we should get ready for the call, Ardyn?”

“Of course, Noct said he’d be most pleased to join us, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Though not required, please shower.”

A please that implied something nasty if he didn’t.

“I’ll expect you in my suite in a few minutes. I know they always clamor for more of the lead singer of Ghostfire. Not to say our sweet Brit Ignis doesn’t have his share of admirers, but you seem to captivate the young and impressionable.”

“Yeah, be right there.” Noct tossed off the sheets and eyed the bottle of Jack like it might save him. The only thing stopping him was Ignis there, with his arms crossed. Whether his friend, if he still was, was mad at him was to be seen.

“You aren’t helping things like this you know,” Ignis said. “Just . . . please hurry. I tried to warn you.”

Noct said nothing, but stumbled to the bathroom, and turned the water to hot, not even bothering to shut the door behind him. He heard the click of the room door close and he took a deep breath against the beginnings of a headache.

The bathroom would have been at home in many of the state palaces he’d been to as a kid when he’d traveled with his father. But that it was something he’d “earned” didn’t make it feel anymore like home. Instead it felt like gilded trash. Like he’d sold his soul to the devil and lived in Hell instead. Though hell might have been a better place. And probably warmer than the room.

He stepped under the cascade of water, the heat searing his flesh, washing away the filth from the previous night. He almost wished for the tabloids to get a hold of this. Then perhaps Ardyn would leave him alone about finding some young, pretty girl to have on his arm. He almost hated that lie more than any other. All the women who’d been thrown at him—well, he hoped they would forgive him when he could finally come clean. _If_ he could.

The heat seeped into him, and he felt himself relax a bit under the massaging rain of the shower head. He soaped up and cleaned himself off, trying hard to forget the memories that tried to crop up every time he took a shower in a hotel room, in the early days before signed with a label. They’d been broke, but happy. Now, at least as far as he was concerned, they were rich and miserable.

He got out, dried off and looked at himself in the mirror, hardly knowing the gaunt man in the mirror. He grabbed the bottle of pills—for his anxiety—and took his usual dose hoping it would help with the inevitable hangover. If anything, the man he saw looked haunted. Something that just made everyone adore him more. It went with the all-black wardrobe and macabre lyrics. Which always fit his mood.

He grabbed the nearest clean pair of his “uniform” and stuffed himself in it and headed to Ardyn’s room, which he had to check his texts for.

He took a deep breath before knocking. He needed the medication to kick in. Already, today was gonna be shit.

Thankfully, Prompto answered the door, though even he’d changed over the past couple years. He wasn’t as happy-go-lucky since the rather private break-up that nearly split the band. Prompto was the one, perhaps, who needed this more than any of them. Noct could always go back to his father—though that prospect was never good. Ignis could go back his family business. And . . . _he_ could go live a better life doing pretty much anything else.

Noct took another deep breath and sat on one of the chairs, trying desperately to channel some energy for this stupid press conference call with some shitty local DJ for a shitty radio station.

They were all here though. Noct’s mood as black as his clothes. Prompto fidgeted with his phone, fliping in back and forth, taking a couple pictures and deleting them. Ignis still and composed as always. Ardyn, snake-like and slimy, his fake smile beaming.

And Gladiolus, in the corner overlooking the city below. Which Noct had already forgotten where they were. He glanced at Ignis, who rolled his eyes and mouthed, “Budapest.”

Noct nodded slightly to acknowledge the answer.

“Well, shall we?” Ardyn asked. He toyed with the cell phone in his hands like it was a dagger instead of an electronic device. He tapped the screen twice. “Yes, thank you. We are ready. And you know the questions you cannot ask, correct? Very good. I’ll put you on speaker so they can all hear you.”

Ardyn motioned them closer. Noct hated this part. He hated being so near to _him_ that he could feel the heat off his body. Hated that he couldn’t touch him. Hated that he wanted it so bad. Hated that he didn’t seem to care anymore.

“Good morning fellas, how are you liking Budapest so far?” The thick-accented DJ host said, his voice smoky.

“It’s great,” Noct said, the first person to speak always. It was short and to the point though. He stopped caring about lies and truth a long time ago. Part of the Ardyn charm rubbing off.

“Having a great time, it’s been a while,” Ignis said, his voice cool and collected as it always was.

Prompto affirmed and Gladiolus said nothing.

“So glad you find our little city so wonderful! It’s great to have you playing here. You have three more shows over the next few days. How are they going?”

Noct hated these things more than anything else now. He used to dream of being interviewed on all the station, speaking about important things and discussing music. But those dreams shattered fast. Thankfully Ardyn struck “Are you dating anyone?” from the list of acceptable questions—doing something that wasn’t shitty for once.

“Crowds are great,” Prompto said. He liked these questions. Or had. Did he still? “Energetic and so so awesome. It’s humbling to see how many of you all come to our shows. It’s why we added an extra show to make it four total here. We wanted to make sure everyone got a chance to come.”

“Right,” Noct added. He was required to participate. And sometimes he didn’t mind. It’s just . . . . “It means a lot to see you all out here having a good time with us.” The lies were easier to tell than they had been that first month. He felt sick lying all the time though, like bathing in miasma.

“We love Ghostfire!” the host said. “I’ve been a fan for years, since the first album came out. Such a classic. Can you tell us the song you like the most from that one?”

“Oh gosh,” Ignis said. “I do quite like many of them, though perhaps my favorite is _Walking Here Without You._ The lyricism is gorgeous and, of course, the piano powerhouse chords are some of the first I truly loved writing.”

“That’s a good one,” Prompto said. “I’m partial to _Let Me Run._ Noct and I wrote the lyrics together a long time ago and I remember we reworked them again and again for the studio version and it’s just got such good memories.”

Noct had heard all this before, but it had been a while since someone had asked them this question. He knew his stock answer was always _Been There_ just as Prompto and Ignis always chose those their songs. Gladiolus always said _Angels and Demons._

But Noct’s favorite was _The_ _Heretic and The Broken Man._ He remembered the first love letters they’d wrote to each other. Noct’s writing was flowery and sickeningly cute. And so full of cliches. Gladio’s words had been stiff, overly romantic, formal poetry. The song worked from those letters, coming from their background. Noct, now, felt like both the heretic and the broken man. Though, originally, he was just the heretic. It was subtly coded gay romance emo music.

Noct knew it was also Gladiolus’s favorite song. Or had been.

But contractually, neither could say it was their favorite.

“ _Angels and Demons,_ ” Gladiolus said. “Ignis and I wrote the original verses and then Noct came in to help solidify the tension present in the story.”

That was new. He had done that, but Gladiolus rarely mentioned his part in it. Noct looked up at him, but his eyes were on the phone. Ardyn didn’t miss that motion though, his dark hawk-eyes betrayed nothing.

Feeling more rebellious, Noct changed his answer for the first time. “I know I always say _Been There,_ but being on tour again and have so many long to hear stuff off our first album, I think I’m going to say _One More Life_. It’s probably one of less-played songs, but it’s got good memories with it.”

The room was silent with the change in routine, the change in the expected. It was almost enough to give him shivers. And it felt _good._

“Always great to hear these!” the DJ said, totally unaware of the tension in the room. Ardyn definitely noticed the change.

“We’ve got time for one more question,” Ardyn said, his fluid voice calm and composed as always. And it was time. “So much to do before the show this evening.”

“Alright, one last question,” the DJ said. “Are you working on anything new?”

Noct was responsible for this question. Always. “Well,” he said, trying to play coy as he was used to doing, “we’re always working on new things. I can’t say for sure what will happen, but keep an ear out during our shows.” Which only meant they’d play random chords and people would read into them, which was one of the points of doing that.

“Thanks for your time. Listeners, you can catch Ghostfire—”

Ardyn hung up the phone.

“Well done,” he said. “Now, let me go over the schedule for the day. I expect you all to eat and work out before we have a scheduled lunch at 12:45 so you can all be seen out, then we’ll have the autograph signing before the show at 6:30 as a surprise. And sound check at 3:00.” Ardyn continued detailing the rest of the day, but Noct had to tune out the man’s voice for a moment. Besides, the schedule was sent to his phone every day anyway with reminders.

“Got it?” Ardyn asked.

Everyone nodded and Noct joined in too. Then he got up to head back to his room and order something to eat but he was stopped before he could so much as leave.

“Noctis,” Ardyn said, his voice chilly and firm. “I do not like surprises with interviews.”

He shrugged. “Maybe my favorite song changed.”

“Is that so?” Ardyn said. “Go on, you have your fans to please don’t forget.”

Noct headed the few doors down to his suite. Had Gladiolus being trying to say something today? A hand of peace? Of course they spoke and performed together, but it was too painful for Noct to think about. This was the first time he’d heard his name out of the big guy’s mouth that wasn’t on stage—which was a different world altogether.

And it reminded him of when they’d first started.


	2. Past: Portland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in the past when Ghostfire gets their first paying gig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sexytimes ahead

Past: Portland

_Ghostfire! July 16, 17, 18 @ 10pm_

Noct looked up at the sign, his arms crossed and a smile playing on his lips. He stood a little taller and breathed a little deeper. He’d have to imagine the neon lights on as the sun was bright. But still. It was there.

The Libra Theatre may not been the biggest or best venue in the world, or hell, in Portland. But it was a start. Ghostfire finally had a place to play. A real fucking venue. How many weeks had it taken to convince the owner to let them play? No matter, it was totally worth every moment. He was fucking pumped.

Gladio came up behind him, resting a large hand on his back, a comforting feeling and comfortable presence since they first started dating. Noct leaned back, relaxing against the broad thick fingers supporting him with ease.

This had been his dream forever, to finally get out from his father’s suffocating world of politics and maneuvering and into the world of music, of rock. What had he done to deserve this wonderful feeling with his best friends?

This was _his_. And Gladio had encouraged him from the start. Noct wanted to cry out of happiness.

“What do you think?” Noct said instead, nodding to the sign. Gladio’s face was hidden in shadow, but he could clearly see the expression on his face: love and wonder.

“Somehow, I thought it’d be less exciting.” Gladio chuckled though. “Pretty awesome feeling.”

Noct beamed at his boyfriend and wrapped an arm around his broad back. When they first met and Noct gave him a hug he said it was like hugging a tree. He hadn’t be _wrong_ , but at 16, Gladio was rapier thin compared to now, and no matter how Noct worked out alongside him he just didn’t get much bigger.

That’s what Gladio loved: working out and music.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Gladio murmured to the top of his head.

“How we met. How everything so far has lead us here. And I wouldn’t change a damn thing.”

Gladio’s smile split his face and twisted the scar on his face that only served to make him look even _more_ adorable. Noct knew they were disgustingly in love. But he didn’t care. It was so perfect and so right.

“Stop with your face,” he said to Gladio.

“I can’t help that you think it’s cute. And I wouldn’t change a damn thing either, babe.”

Noct made a point to roll his eyes, even though he _still fucking gushed!_ every time Gladio said shit like that.

Ghostfire had started in high school, all because Noct thought it’d be a “cool fucking idea bros,” in his most douchebag voice that made them all laugh even though he’d been serious about the band part. Noct appointed himself singer, as he had classical voice training for years though he refused to do choir. The rest of them agreed on that. Prompto said he was the only one with the requisite look for a drummer, which Gladio had protested, but Gladio was the only one who even knew how to hold a guitar. Ignis, the shiest of them, like Noct, had taken private lessons but his were in piano. So, they had Bad Boy Lead Singer, Bad Boy Drummer, Heartthrob Guitarist “and yeah, fuck, I’ll learn bass”, and Proper Dreamy Brit Pianist.

One week after they’d discussed this idea (Noct learned later that no one in the band thought they’d actually go anywhere), they met in Prompto’s garage, the one member who hadn’t grow up on the _right_ side of the track, the one who needed this more than any of the others. The one who’s parents didn’t give a shit about all the noise and “hey y’all sound good tonight.” Noct was eternally grateful for the rehearsal space.

And like that, they were a band. No one knew what they were doing that first night though. He’d seen movies, of course, they all had. But like how did they get better? And was it normal just talk half the time and hang out? Or to argue about the band name for days? Yes, yes he’d found out it was. And it was all beautiful.

“Thought I would find you two here.” Ignis’s voice brought him back to the moment, the sign still there, still real. His hair waved in the breeze, his glasses shining in the light and he pushed them up his nose. “Impressive isn’t it?” His accent only made Noctis think it more a watershed moment.

“Sure is,” Noct said.

“Yeah!” Prompto pulled out his camera and took a couple pictures and then demanded a group selfie in front of the sign for their twelve loyal Instagram followers. “Can’t believe it’s our first actual paying gig.”

Noct couldn’t stop grinning now. This was really happening.

“I know!” Noct laughed, suddenly feeling a bit manic. “We did it.” Exuberant, he wrapped them all in a group hug—which was more like just everyone hugging Gladio. He squeezed everyone as tightly as possible.

“Thanks, guys, for everything,” Noct said, choking a bit on the emotions. “I mean it. I love you all and I love that we get to hang out and work together.”

“Aw, I no-homo love you too,” Prompto said.

“You spoke my heart, Noct,” Ignis said, ever formal but just as sentimental.

“Of course I love you, and everyone else is cool I guess,” Gladio said, making Noct’s heart melt more, made Prompto gag and protest, and Ignis chuckle.

After a moment they pulled away. “So, I know we’ve got a couple hours until sound check but I’m a bit too nervous to do anything.”

“Agreed Noct,” Ignis said.

Prompto took a picture as response, which after spending years knew this was his way of saying he felt the same.

“Grab a couple beers?” Gladio suggested. “I mean, we can just have one each to celebrate you know? We can party after.”

Noct leaned on his wall of man. “That sounds like a good idea. Just to calm our nervous or something?”

“Yeah,” Gladio said, ruffling his hair. “I know you’ll be keyed up anyway.”

Noct smiled. “I just want this to be our debut, the place we can look at and say ‘This is where it all started.’ You know?”

“Such a romantic,” Prompto said, snapping a couple pics of them. “Work for the camera!”

Gladio rolled his eyes.

Ignus coughed. “Well, whatever we do, we should do it soon. And for what it’s worth, I think a beer would be a good way to celebrate. Just make sure to drink some water before the show.”

“Uh-huh,” Noct said. “Let’s go then!”

The bar next door was one they’d been in a couple times over the last month or so and they’d gotten to know the bartender, Cindy, and she always welcomed them with a smile, though Noct knew that Prompto dreamed more. She knew about the success, she’d been with them during the whole ordeal. She gave them their beer and asked about the show, and, winking, asked if she’d get a VIP ticket for dealing with them. Prompto of course told her right away she was always VIP to him. She told them, sincerely, that of course she would be there tonight, she knew how much it meant to them.

Then they bid her goodbye and headed to do soundcheck—which Noct obsessed over every detail of the sound until it was as perfect as he could get it. But Noct knew that they all wanted to sound as good as they could. If it weren’t him, it would be Ignis and since Noct only had to sing, he sound checked last while standing in the audience.

Before he knew it, it was time for the show and Noct had to change into his uniform: black skull shirt, black skin-tight jeans, and black boots. Gladio said he looked damn good in those pants, probably the only reason he didn’t mind wearing them. He was shaking off in the back, pacing a little bit. Gladio was there, still and calm looking. He gave Noct a smile and brief kiss. Gladio looked good, in his dark pants and a tank which showed off his massive arms. Okay, Noct shouldn’t get too distracted by Gladio right now. Prompto had his black cross tee and gray jeans and Ignis wore his signature button up and dark slacks. Always overdressed. Noct shook himself again.

“We got this,” Noct said. “We got this place in the palm of our hands and by the end of the night they’ll wanna see us every night.”

“Damn straight.” Gladio nodded.

Prompto grinned, a little forced, and Ignis flashed a smile and adjusted his glasses.

Then they were on.

The first song on the set list was _One More Life._ Noct took a deep breath and looked out on the audience. He couldn’t see them well, but there was a crowd. Lots of people. And he forgot the words for just a moment until Ignis hit the first note on the keyboard.

He sang.

_I can’t believe we met_  
_so long, so long ago,_  
_and though I gave myself a bet_  
_that you’d never love me, no,_  
_here we are together_  
_here we are together._  


Noct turned to look at Gladio. This song was one that Gladio had written—and it still wasn’t good enough for the big guy and they were re-writing every week (it seemed). Thankfully Noct had a good memory for lyrics.

_I told you yes_  
_you shrugged and said I guess_  
_then kissed me_  
_yeah you kissed me_  
_and I knew you cared_  
_so much more than you dared_

He half-danced, half jumped down the stage to the chorus again. Then he stopped, right as everyone stopped and only Ignus sweet-melodies filled the air.

_I asked if you’d live_  
_one more life_  
_oh one more life_  
_with me here_  


Big sweeping buildups from Prompto leaded Gladio back in for heavy riffs and the chorals were aided by Ignis and occasionally a deep hum from Gladio too.

_and you said no no dear_  
_that’s not enough love_  
_not enough love for me_  
_let’s live forever love_  
_love night day whenever_  
_as long as you’re here_  
_I’ll survive anything dear_  
_and I knew you loved me_  
_loved me then_  
_loving you is more life than_  
_I could ever dream._  


Noct sang the chorus another time, then stopped and open his arms wide and fell back into Gladio’s arms for the abrupt end of the song. Noct looked up into those deep brown eyes and grinned. Gladio smiled back. They’d nailed it. Now, it’d be easy to kill it the rest of the night. Noct _knew_ that this was it. This was how they’d break into the business.

The rest of the concert was a blur of magic and wonder for Noct, as he glided from song to son, across the stage and pouring his heart out to the audience.

After the show ended and they’d locked up the few things they needed to lock up, they were out back on the loading dock for a short break, Prompto lazily taking night shots he kept claiming were terrible, but Noct knew they were probably decent at worst.

The night air was cool, a light breeze rustling the ever-present trees. Accustomed to the quiet evening reflections, Noct didn’t want to interrupt post-performance habits. Ignis was cleaning his glasses and sipping coffee from a can, though how he could sleep afterward was always an exercise in mental gymnastics.

Gladio had already taken care of his guitar and bass, and now he was looking toward Mt. Hood and absently playing with a pick he always had on him.

And Noct, well, he always liked watching his band mates and wondering what they were thinking. And of course, he paced a bit, thinking about the show and how it could have been better. And for once, he was satisfied with how it had gone. It was the best damn show they’d ever performed. Even to an audience that might not have known them but cared now.

Noct couldn’t help but smile, and how well everything had gone after the very first instant of fear that had washed over him. Once that was gone, it was as if he’d been turned instantly into a rock star. And he had to say something, though he wanted to keep the tradition as best he could. He opened his mouth a couple times before finally speaking.

“That show was amazing.” Noct stopped pacing, looking at his bandmates in awe. “Like that was the best show we ever did.”

Prompto leapt to his feet. “I know! I know that was insane how you and then he and then I and Ignis then did!”

Everyone laughed.

Prompto turned red. “I know. I don’t even have words for it.”

Gladio clapped him on the back. “I gotta say that I think Noct’s right. Never seen us so on point.”

Ignis, ever deadpan, was even smiling. He pushed up his glasses and looked thoughtful. “Our years of hard work have paid off. We fucking rocked.”

And Noct laughed. Ignis cursing was a rare treat and always hilarious.

“Fuck yes we did!” Prompto punched the air, then took a couple pictures. “I wanna remember this forever.” He looked at the pictures he’d taken, smiling.

“We should go back in,” Ignis said. “Now that our break is over and get to meeting all our new fans.”

Noct agreed, and they headed out to the front of the house and mingled and talked, Noct sticking close to Gladio. They had no CD yet and no merchandise other than a couple shirts they’d had made a couple years ago for themselves, but if the indication was anything, they had a market. After a half-hour, Noct was ready to go be in a quiet space again.

“Howdy boys,” Cindy said, her drawl catching Noct’s attention. “Y’all were good up there!”

“Thanks,” Noct said, raking his hands through his hair.

Prompto handed her his beloved camera. “Mind taking a couple pics of us? I got a couple selfies, but I wanna get something different for us to remember.”

“Sure!” She grinned and took a couple pics of them. “I also snapped some show pics I can send to y’all.”

“Would be much appreciated,” Ignis said.

“Well, why don’t I treat y’all to a celebratory drink?” She grinned, her face happy and beaming. Noct always thought she was just a bit too fabulous to be 100% straight.

“Great!” Prompto said.

Noct looked to Gladio, and the big guy gave him a quick nod.

Next door, Cindy treated them to a round of shots, no doubt the treat was the bar’s rather than Cindy’s, but it was all in good faith.

“To future success,” she said, raising the shot.

They echoed her words and took the shot. After that though, Noct wanted to celebrate in a different way than by drinking. He and Gladio said their goodbyes and left Ignis and Prompto to party with Cindy and some of her friends. They’d be fine.

They walked around to the back where Gladio had parked the car they shared. Between the four of them, they had two cars. Noct got in the passenger side, so used to Gladio or Ignis driving.

Soon, they were pulling out of the parking lot and on the road toward the two-bedroom apartment they all shared. Gladio and Noct shared one room, Ignis and Prompto shared the larger room that barely had enough room two beds. Though Ignis was constantly rolling his eyes at the way Prompto kept his side.

Gladio reached out and took his hand. “That was some show, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was.” Noct squeezed his boyfriend’s hand. “You were amazing out there.”

“Me? I did alright,” Gladio said, making a turn. “Noct, there are no words for how great you performed tonight. I’ve never seen that out of you.”

Noct blushed, feeling a little self-conscious about praise from his boyfriend, even though that’s mostly what he heard from the big guy.

“You’re too kind, Gladio.”

“Nah.”

“I mean it.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Gladio said after a moment. “You’re someone I can grow strong with, to get better with. We can take over the world together.”

“That’s always been the plan.”

Gladio pulled into the complex and parked. Noct got out and stretched a bit, feeling a little tight from the show. Gladio came around the car to his side and leaned down to kiss him.

Noct melted into the kiss, the feeling of Gladio pressed up against him, warm and supple, _willing_. Noct reached up and ran his fingers through Gladio’s hair, the feeling familiar and comforting.

“We should take this inside,” Noct said, his voice throaty. “Or we might be arrested for all the indecent things I wanna do to you.”

“Is that a promise?” Gladio’s voice was also thick with desire and Noct want very much to climb his boyfriend like a tree. Or would a boulder be a better analogy?

“Mmhmm,” Noct said, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the apartment.

“Hey, I wasn’t done kissing you yet,” Gladio said, sounding a bit wounded.

“I’m not kissing done either, but there’s too many clothes on and I’m not ready to go to jail when we are just starting to get gigs.”

“Fair enough.” Though Noct could hear the pout in Gladio’s voice.

Once Noct had unlocked the door and closed it behind them, he jumped into Gladio’s arms, wrapping his legs around the other man’s waist, and his arms around his neck. Instinctively, Gladio’s arms came up under his legs to support him .

Noct, a little unceremoniously, attacked Gladio’s lips with his own. But Gladio responded equally fiercely. Gladio stumbled a bit and found a wall to lean against, and Noct’s hand bumped, but he didn’t care.

He focused all his attention on Gladio: his body, his lips. Everything. Gladio tasted of the shot they’d had, of his own flavor. Noct’s teeth clacked against Gladio’s, his tongue fought for dominance and for space and for anything possible to merge them into a single being, desperate for oneness.

Then Gladio switched positions, pressing Noct against the wall, still eye-to-eye, Noct’s legs wrapped tight. Noct tried to pull Gladio closer, but their jeans, thick and clumsy, inhibited them too much. It was past time to get naked.

But he could endure the clothes while Gladio rocked into him, promising pressure and pleasure. Noct relaxed and let the big guy press into him, let him in. Noct, burning with desire, flicked his tongue in Gladio’s mouth, inviting him in more. Gladio, knowing all his cues, pressed more.

Noct longed to free himself of clothes and free Gladio’s dick that he could feel poking into his leg. Every time was always exciting. When Noct got a moment of clarity, he tugged on Gladio’s shirt insistently, loosening his leg’s grip.

Gladio then backed up slowly from Noct, letting him down gracefully. Leaning against the wall, Noct watched in the dim light as Gladio peeled his shirt off. No matter how many times he’d seen his boyfriend naked or shirtless it was always made him catch his breath.

Gladio was beautiful. Noct stared, drinking in every hard line, every curve, every bit of skin. Gladio pulled the shirt overhead, and stuffed part of it into his back pocket.

“What?” Gladio asked.

“So beautiful.” Noct reached out and ran a few fingers across Gladio’s collarbone and down his side until he reached the waistband of his jeans.

Gladio blushed. “You always say that to me.”

“It’s always true.” Noct breathed deep, the scent of Gladio was heady, and smelled like their body wash, deodorant, cologne and his own underlying scent of power and steadiness. “Besides,” Noct said, teasing Gladio, “you’re body is the thing I like about you least. And I fucking love your body.”

Gladio laughed. “Can we turn that into some shitty power ballad lyric line?”

“Hey!”

Gladio laughed again, a deep sound that Noct could almost feel from here. But then Gladio was tugging at his shirt and it was Noct’s turn to blush. Even though they’d been doing this dance for years, the utter devastation that played across Gladio’s face always made Noct feel loved and uncomfortable at the same time.

Gladio ran a thick finger down Noct’s chest, tracing the bones and the muscle. He rarely said anything when touching Noct like this.

“Breathtaking,” Gladio whispered, his voice soft and in awe. “I can’t believe you love me sometimes.”

Noct stepped closer. “Believe me,” he said, taking Gladio’s hand placing it on his heart. “You are my love and my light. I’m lucky you love me as much as I love you.”

Gladio smiled, a soft thing, vulnerable and open and Noct leaned up and kissed him gently, carefully and pulled him close, deliberate and quiet and softened. No matter what kind of sex it would turn into, it would be the best.

Noct, feeling the hot urgency return, kissed Gladio firmly, hardening his lips and muscles in anticipation. Gladio let go for a moment, and came back soft. His ardor was intense and passionate and without hesitation, but deliberate, excruciatingly slow and controlled.

Noct smiled against the on-going kiss and Gladio, feeling that, grabbed Noct’s ass hard, eliciting a yelp of surprise. And Noct felt Gladio grinning.

Playful meant it was gonna be mind-blowing. Noct was all about that.

Noct slowly pulled Gladio backward, toward their bedroom. Tugging on the waistband of Gladio’s jeans, Noct guided him forward while stepping back, all the while, kissing him. Gladio slowly heated, his body now a burning furnace of flushed skin.

Noct reached for his jean buttons as Gladio shut the door, but when he turned around he stopped Noct’s fingers in their track.

“That’s my job,” he said, his voice a cracking rumble. And then fingers were suddenly at Noct’s waist, his jeans on the floor and his underwear with it.

Gladio was still frustratingly clothed until Noct got his hands on those imprisoning pants and worked as fast as he could to free Gladio.

Once they were both naked, Noct dived onto the bed as sexily as he could and ended up smacking his head on the wall.

“Ah damnit, jesus fuck.” Noct rubbed his head.

“You alright?” Gladio asked already sitting on the bed.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Then Gladio laughed. “I’m sorry my sweet little prince.” Gladio then kissed him on the head. “I supposed this means I’ll have to be extra gentle.”

Noct pouted, his pride a little stung. “Maybe.” He rubbed the top of his head again, feeling a bit foolish. Defeated, he flopped back and tried to pull Gladio on top of him. “Good thing this isn’t our first time.”

Gladio laughed. “Yeah.” Then he was above Noct, sweet and tender and still burning hot to the touch and Noct let his hands roam where they pleased, touching everything, tracing the muscles and bones his fingers had traced thousands of time.

“This is better,” Gladio murmured. “We were so earnest and serious then.”

Noct playfully bit at his mouth. “I know.” Then Gladio pressed down against him, heat and pressure and overwhelming sense of safety and he short-circuited against that freedom and gave himself over to his partner.

Speech died and Noct could only act and grunt and groan and in lucid moment say yes yes yes. Gladio’s body was hard and his dick full and red.

There was no need to speak now, no need to say anything. There was no routine, but their bodies were so attuned to another that Noct trusted Gladio implicitly to know what to do that he just let the waves of pleasure, of sensation to wash over him like an ocean, its depth impossible and eternal.

Noct relaxed, letting Gladio inside him, the thick, burning heat slid in, and Noct closed his eyes against the white heat, the pleasure, the familiar ache slowly building as Gladio rocked in and out as he’d done hundreds of times before. Noct groaned in pleasure, the noise involuntary and free.

Then Gladio found his rhythm and Noct ached and bucked and rode Gladio for everything he was worth, both taking turns sharing the strength, no stamina saved, no amount withheld.

“Fuck!” Gladio shouted. “Fuck Noct Jesus! I’m gonna come!”

And Noct, feeling a moment of clarity at his name, came back to the fullness of his body and grinned and grinded harder against Gladio until they both came, Noct on the tattoo on Gladio’s chest, and Gladio inside Noct, the heat searing and sensual.

Noct collapsed on Gladio, spent and sated. After a moment, he ran fingers up and down Gladio’s arms and chest, grabbing a tissue to clean up his own fluids.

Gladio’s eyes followed every movement, his breathing now slow and steady. He looked exhausted, like how Noct felt.

“Shower?” Noct asked.

Gladio shook his head no, then Noct slowly removed Gladio from himself and laid beside the larger man. “You’re gross.”

“You’re gross.” Gladio chuckled. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“Same.” Noct reached for Gladio’s hand and held it, rubbing circles. With his other hand, he cleaned himself up enough not to feel too sticky.

Then he burrowed closer, burying his face in Gladio’s thick chest.

“Love you,” Noct said. “Always.”

“Love you, babe.” And Gladio adjusted his arm, wrapping it around Noct, pulling him closer and then tossed a sheet over them both.

In moments, Noct was fast asleep in the arms of the man he’d loved for years, in perfect happiness. He was sure, as he fell into the darkness of sleep, that they would be famous, that the both of them would change the world with their music and their love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me at hbrooks01.tumblr.com and tell me how much you love Gladnoct. Also tell all your friends. I'm super bad about know Internet Things and I really like this story so far and want everyone else to love it tooooooo.
> 
> COME LOVE THESE RIDICULOUS BABIES WITH ME


	3. Present: Budapest (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though Noct had been feeling a little better after the interview, he's back to where he started, though he's noticing things more—like how awful he feels. Feeling sorry for himself and reliving his past, he is interrupted by Ignis.

Present: Budapest

Noctis stared at the wall in his hotel room, his medicine fully kicked in and a bottle in his hand. He raked his free hand through his hair. He stood up, the bottle coming with him. He looked out the window to . . . Budapest, right?

The moon was out, but it felt watery to him, as if he were under the entire ocean, like the pressure could crush him at any moment. He leaned against the glass, half-wishing it would vanish and he would fall peacefully to the sweet end. But that’d be too easy. He didn’t deserve easy.

The images of that first paid show played in his mind at the Libra. He took a swig of the Jack Daniels. What he wouldn’t give for those moments again, for that blissful time before they’d all signed the contract. He missed the warmth he felt, the camaraderie and brotherhood they’d shared. He missed, still, Gladio’s hands on his back, his face, his hair. Every day was torture.

Pressure built inside, threatening to squeeze him against the pressure outside. He felt thin, worn, used up and useless. Noct stared and stared, seeing nothing.

He missed how he could be himself and how their fans didn’t care, didn’t show anything but love and support. How the lyrics had been so open, vulnerable, and now they were closed and shiny and _fake_. Grunting he turned away from the tempting open space and flopped on the squishy chair.

He knew he was acting sullen. So damn meta.

The bottle was empty when he went to take another swig. He didn’t feel any better though, just less shitty. A wave of hatred rose in his throat, a strong visceral feeling. He chucked the bottle across the room, pretending the wall was _Uncle_ Ardyn. That vile snake monster. The bottle, unsatisfactorily, didn’t break.

_He_ insisted on being called uncle in public and in press releases by all his talent, which wasn’t a very long list. Ghostfire was the one he toured with, the group that brought him all his money, the one that he was supposed to protect, but he’d sold them out for more money.

Of course, the fans loved him as much as they loved the band, as he was charming from far away. They ate the lies he spread, just like Noctis had feasted those early days.

Brooding, he didn’t hear the knocking for some time until it was insistent. Noct got up, feeling sloshy and answered the door. It was Ignis, who looked as awful as Noct felt. Which wasn’t normal, or Noct was just now paying attention. Ignis seemed the most unchanged of all of them. He was somber, but he’d grown more withdrawn over the past couple years and smiled less.

“Noct,” Ignis said. “Can I come in?”

Noct said nothing, but waved his friend in, backed up and tried not to trip.

“What’s up, Ignis?”

Ignis didn’t sit down, instead pacing back and forth on the carpet. Noct, barely able to read anyone now flopped on the chair and gestured for Ignis to sit down, but Ignis remained standing.

“Thank you, but it’s rather distressing.” Ignis stopped and looked at Noct. _Something had to be up_. “Well, fuck. You’re drunk again aren’t you?”

Noct shrugged. “We’ve been through this.”

“Noctis!” Ignis finally sat down.

Again Noct shrugged. “What’s got you all upset?”

“You. Prompto. Gladio. I can’t stand this band anymore. But that’s not the point.”

“Well, that makes four of us who can’t. Only one that likes us anymore are the fans and Fuckdyn. He only likes us for the money though.”

Ignis grew red and visibly angry. “Noctis, can’t you see what’s going on around you?”

Noct looked to his hand but there was no bottle. Instead he gestured vaguely where he thought he might have thrown it.

“That’s the point of the alcohol my dear friend. What brings this up,” Noct said. “Did we suck on stage or something? Did we screw something up? You know I only get blasted after shows.”

“Technically perfect, but . . . .”

Ignis stopped moving.

“What is going on?”

Ignis gave him a look.

Noct stopped moving. “What happened? We haven’t talked this much in . . . a long time.”

“Gladio’s not doing well.”

Noct shrugged. “What do you mean? He can handle himself.”

“He’s in the hospital.”

The words hit him like a truck and _feelings_ rushed fast and brutal through his sluggish mind. Noct felt blood drain from his face, and the churning in his stomach amplify.

“Is he okay?”

Ignis shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What happened?”

Ignis gestured to the bottle on the floor, that wasn’t broken. “That was one of the reasons. Plus some other drugs he’s been using to cope.”

Noct’s lips twitched. “I wanna go visit him.”

“You’re hardly fit to go yourself.”

Noct stared at the carpet. It seemed that every hotel had the same carpet, no matter where in the world. _Was there just Hotel Carpet, one supplier?_

“Do you still care?” Ignis asked, his voice soft in the quiet of the room.

“When did I stop caring?” Noct spoke, his voice a whisper. “I never stopped loving him. Never. I just couldn’t keep it inside.”

Ignis said nothing for a moment. “And yet here you are, keeping it inside.”

“It’s easier with him at arm’s length,” he said, knowing instantly it was a lame excuse. “Do you know how hard it is to avoid talking to him? To avoid . . . .”

“Why don’t we take this on the road. If you are serious about seeing him.”

Noct nodded, though he was still not numb enough from the booze, though he must have been impaired enough to actively seek Gladiolus out. To actually go. Ignis helped him changed into something less . . . Ghostfire-like in clothing.

But the car was there soon, Ardyn none the wiser, or so Noctis hoped. He wanted to punch the man right now. Ignis helped him get into the car, and they were on their way.

“So, let’s continue,” Ignis said.

“Continue what?” Noct asked.

“Tell me why you did it in the first place.” He lowered his voice in case the cab driver spoke English, though they’d made minimal effort to look different in pictures and on stage. “Why you broke up with him.”

Noct thought a moment, remembering the day in perfect clarity, no matter how hard he tried to forget. No matter how impaired he was, he couldn’t forget.

“There was a lot of pressure coming from Ardyn,” Noct said after a long moment. “From me too, from my past.”

“From Ardyn?”

“Of course,” Noct said. “It was in the contract we signed that we had to ‘be presentable’ and not mention certain things or do anything else, like be public with our affection. Gladio and I fought a lot about that.”

“I remember the fights,” Ignis said, watching the road ahead. “I always thought they were about something different than what you actually fighting about.”

Noct shook his head. “Yeah, it was really what we were fighting about, and everything came back to those couple sentences and, well, that was the end of that. Couldn’t handle that whole situation. He got so mad when I would be less affectionate, and I would get pissed when we couldn’t even been private. It was a back and forth that, obviously, didn’t end well.”

“You guys were our rock, the thing that kept us together.”

“I wanted to quit over it,” Noct said, feeling a burden come off. “He wanted to quit over it. But we couldn’t break without some serious shit happening.”

“Oh?”

Noct looked at his old friend. “I’d rather not going into that.”

“Understood.”

They spent the rest of the car ride in silence, the Danube occasionally appearing in view. It took a while, even by car, to get to the hospital. Ignis paid the driver in cash.

Ignis, leading the way, took them into the hospital. With no translator helping them out, it took a while to communicate who they were there to see and that it was okay for them to see the patient.

In all, it was very strange, even by Noct’s standards—over the past couple years spent in a mind-altered state that kept him functional. But they eventually made it into room where Gladio was resting.

Noct stopped.

The room was a mix of cool white and metallic shades of varying age. Fluorescent lights gleamed bright, leaving nearly no shadows. Gladio was tucked under a pale sheet and blanket of indeterminate color. A plastic mask covered his face, his skin paler than it’s rich sun-kissed hue. His hair hung limp and damp to his forehead.

The man in the bed was certainly not the same Gladio.

Ignis took a deep breath.

“Doesn’t look too good, but he’s breathing and not on a ventilator so it’s gotta be stable, right?”

Noct couldn’t speak, not at the moment.

He felt like that could have just as easily have been him. Even though it wasn’t, he knew he looked just as faded, as unreal as Gladio did now.

How had he not seen this in Gladio? How had he not known the pain? How could he have been so out of touch with . . . ?

“You haven’t called him that in ages off stage,” Ignis whispered. “Not in years.”

“What?”

“You said his name.” Ignis looked at him. “Are you alright?”

Noct shook his head, his head swimming dangerously. He sat down in one of the chairs near the bed. Ignis sat in the other. Prompto should be here, Noct thought. _We should all be here. He shouldn’t be sick._

“It could be me there.” Noct looked at Gladio. “Instead its him. I always thought he was the stronger one.”

Ignis looked at him, pointedly. “All his strength, perhaps foolishly, was derived from you. Without you, he’s been in bad shape. I tried to get you both to drink less, take less drugs, but . . . .” Ignis pushed up his glasses. “Only you actually heard me. Gladio always pretended I said nothing. You just threw the empty bottles at me. It’s why I spent more time with him, when I could. You needed me less.”

Noct watched Gladio for several hours in near silence until he was too tired. Both of them agreed to visit again, as he hadn’t woken up. The nurses and doctors couldn’t speak much English, but they got the idea that Gladio would have to be there for a while, but that he was at least stable.

Noct told himself he needed to get help. He felt like shit. His life sucked, and the love of his life was comatose in some foreign hospital and there was nothing much he could do. He had to try something, anything. He still loved Gladio, that he had always known. Whether they could be together or not didn’t matter. But Noct had to tell him how he felt. That was urgent and important. And suddenly, he cared about living. Cared about waking up again. Even if it felt tenuous and unreal, it was the only strong feeling he’d had in months, if not years. There was a fire moving, and he either would be consumed or he’d change for the better. This was as much for him as it was for Gladio. Right?

Back in his hotel room, he looked himself in the mirror. He didn’t look much better than Gladio had. He could hardly recognize himself. Would rehab even be a choice? He remembered a conversation with his father.

_Noct stood there, cold, and stone still._

_His father looked out the window of the estate, the trees in the distant moving in a breeze. His father was rarely this quiet, his years in politics sharpening his tongue._

_“Well,” his father said. “I suppose it was only a matter of time that you’d sign a contract. Congratulations are in order, I assume?”_

_He stood up and headed to the sideboard to pour two tumblers of fine scotch. Noct, having been out of this house for years, felt a little strange at the suddenly luxury that reminded him of where he’d come from. He felt at home and he hated that feeling._

_“Drink, to success,” his father said, raising and draining his glass and setting it on the table. “Well then, I suppose that means you’ll have enough income you won’t be relying on me anymore?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_His father smiled, though Noct didn’t feel warmth._

_“Well, I’m glad that they’ve managed to contain some of your exuberances. I certainly couldn’t, though there was no reason to try.”_

_“It doesn’t mean anything,” Noct said, though even knew he sounded defensive. “Gladio and I can still be together.”_

_“I’m sure you’ve worked it out. But contracts are politics, and I know politics, son. So, don’t come crying to me, when you’re lost and alone, and one or both of you are in rehab, with tubes instead of veins.”_

_Noct raised an eyebrow and the rather ridiculous suggestion. “Sounds like you’ve done something serious overthinking about this whole thing.”_

_His father said nothing, turning back to the window. “Will you be staying for dinner?”_

_“No, I just thought you’d be happy for me.”_

_His father again said nothing, watching the tress for a long moment. “And I am not?”_

_Noct wanted to storm out the door, but he managed to contain his tempter, happy to be leaving the estate as soon as he could. It would be better this way._

_“I’ll talk to you later,” Noct said._

And here he was, broken in half like his father had said, ready for a stint in rehab. Thinking of all the choices after that, like signing the contract without having a lawyer thoroughly look through it. Noct had been so angry with his father that evening, so angry that he signed his portioned right then and there, without asking for anything, and even pressured Gladio to sign, though Prompto and Ignis hadn’t need much convincing.

He headed for the window, ironically much like his father used to. But Noct had to think, had to push his brain to do something much beyond it’s normal get-through-the-day-routines. Push it through the sludge.

After a few minutes, he stripped and lay in bed, watching the sun rise, as he couldn’t sleep. His mind ran faster, much faster than it used to. He couldn’t drown the deluge of words in his head, and simultaneously couldn’t move or put more than a thought it before the maelstrom took over once again.

Eventually he fell asleep, his thoughts swirling over that angry encounter with his father that in turn might just have made his life the way it was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a rough outline of the story so far, though it'll probably change. Keep me motivated lovelies and help me spread the word (I wanna be fandom famous lol)! <3
> 
> I'm working on this in the little spare time I have because I really love where this story is going. Like other humans, I'm a positive attention whore. Tell me you love it and that you want more! I never have enough gladnoct, so if you have a blog on tumblr let me know!
> 
> Please find me on tumblr at hbrooks01.tumblr.com and follow the gladnoct AO3 feed at ao3feed-gladnoct.tumblr.com


	4. Past: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct and Co have moved to LA

Past: Los Angeles

Moving to LA had been a big deal, especially for Prompto. Noct had been here tons of times, so he was less enchanted at the thought of moving to the big desert city, but everyone else loved it. Even Ignis.

Gladio, of course, had voted to live in Venice, home of Muscle Beach—being a big fan of early body builders. Instead, though, they settled to live in Hollywood, near the recording studios in a small four-bedroom house that Ardyn had helped find for them. It was within walking distance from the studio and it had a couple spots for parking—what Prompto had learned was a luxury for the area.

They had enough money from the advance to live off of while they were making the album. Ignis, ever their financial wizard, was in charge of the money aspect until they started getting royalties. With rent shared, and pretty much everything else shared like they’d been doing for so long, it had been a no-brainer to keep living the way they were used to. Of course, they had to pay way more in rent, but they also had more money than they had in a long while.

They’d been recording since almost day one. After living in the city for a couple months, even Prompto lost some of his optimism about it. Granted, Noct loved living here with his friends, going out on weekends to the hippest clubs, on Ardyn’s dime, eating at the bougie restaurants that lined the streets of Hollywood and, of course, seeing celebrities (though that was totally all Prompto and Gladio).

With two albums to write and create, though, they were busy and on a deadline. But with no day jobs, they all had more time for music. Occasionally, they’d perform as openers for local venues “for experience” (and of course some money).

And sleeping in, which was Noct’s favorite part of the gig. He never woke up before 11 am if he could help it. By that time, Gladio had already finished his first workout, and done his reading for the day. Ignis had usually finished cooking and cleaning, and Prompto, thankfully, was the other late-bird. Though occasionally he got up early to take photos.

After stumbling into the kitchen, eyes blurry from staying up too late playing video games the night before, Noct searched for something to eat. Ignis was at the table reading the newspaper and clicking his tongue at the words he was reading.

“Morning,” Noct said.

“Morning,” Ignis replied. “Though just barely. Stay up too late?”

“Always.” Noct opened the fridge. After living with Ignis for long enough, Noct’d picked up some cooking skill. Enough, at least, that he could not burn eggs and toast. He still hadn’t mastered bacon yet. Probably for the best, though, or he’d be making it every day.

He pulled out the eggs and the bread from the fridge, and set about to make himself something to eat while listening to Ignis tell him some of the highlights of the news.

“Iggy, anything in there about my father?” Noct said, trying to be a bit casual.

“Nothing today,” Ignis said, folding the section up and moving on to the next one. “Though he’s rarely ever out of the news for long.”

“True.” Noct watched the eggs and put the bread in the toaster and got out the butter and strawberry jam. Noct knew that Ignis judged him each time, though he never said anything much anymore about his sweet-tooth.

After he sat down to eat, Prompto came stumbling out his room, the same bleary face that Noct knew was on his own just a few minutes ago.

“Coffee?” Prompto said.

“Of course,” Ignis said. “Freshly ground this morning. Surprised that didn’t wake you.”

“He sleeps like a log,” Noct said. “You should know that. Gladio still out?”

Ignis nodded, looking out the window. “Said he was gonna go for a hike.”

Noct sighed. “Well, I mean I can’t complain. Just not a huge fan of hiking in this heat.”

Ignis opened his mouth, and Noct cut him off. “Or getting up early to go hiking.”

Ignis laughed. Prompto followed a moment later. “Well, I suppose you get enough exercise with him anyway, from the sounds of it.”

Noct turned red. “I’m not sorry.”

“I know,” Prompto said. Ignis just grinned.

“We’ll get you back one of these days,” Prompto said, pouring a bowl of sugary cereal. “Hey do you think Gladio’s gonna go to the gym later?”

Noct shrugged. “He might. Why, you wanna go?”

“Maybe?” he said. “Thought I might wanna do some running again. Been too long.”

They talked for a while, remembering some things from their past, talking about the album they were working on, and what they’d do for the day. When they were finished eating, both Noct and Prompto rinsed the dishes and put them in an honest-to-god dishwasher—a feature they all loved.

As soon as Noct was about to shower and get ready for the day, Gladio came through the door, his shirt still wet, but he was dry from the heat—even though it was early November, it was still warm enough for him to wear a tank top.

“Hey, you’re up,” Gladio said. “I’m gonna shower, if that’s cool?”

“Well,” Noct said. “I was just about to shower and get ready too. Save water, shower together?”

Gladio smirked. “You don’t even have to rationalize, but I’m not sure how much water we end up saving, if any.”

Ignis rolled his eyes and Prompto groaned. “I’d say get a room, but you have one. Maybe get a motel room?”

Though they were playing, Noct thought it might be a good idea for a date weekend or something. A nice get-away in the mountains or by the beach . . . ?

“Come on,” Gladio said. “You know, I miss having a gym partner in the morning, Noct. You should come with me.”

“Once a day is plenty for me, though Prompto does want a running buddy.”

“Gross,” Gladio said. “Running sucks. Come for a hike though, Prompto. Better workout. Especially for that scrawny ass you have.”

“Hey, it’s perfectly grabable!”

Gladio sniggered along with Ignis.

Noct reached up and kissed Gladio. “Stop arguing with blondie and come shower.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Gladio said. “Shouldn’t be distracting my comebacks like that.”

Noct just winked and headed to the bedroom to grab clothes for after his shower. He always thought it was funny that they said when you were gay and dating another guy, you doubled your wardrobe. Nope. It was two wardrobes. Noct occasionally wore Gladio’s things, though they looked ridiculously oversized. Gladio couldn’t fit into anything of Noct’s—he was too big and too tall.

In fact, Noct stole Prompto’s clothes more than anyones, though Prompto returned the favor. After being best friends for long enough, it wasn’t really a big deal anymore—though it was quite hilarious when his father thought he was dating Prompto.

“Coming?” Gladio shouted from the bathroom.

“Yeah!” Noct grabbed underwear and hurried in case Gladio tried to close him out, though it really he could just open the door and hop in the shower.

He set his underwear on the counter and stripped down. Gladio was already naked, adjusting the water temperature before getting in. His bare ass was always glorious to stare at and him bending over was just too much temptation for Noct. So, true to form, he playfully slapped Gladio’s backside.

Of course, Gladio didn’t flinch at all and straightened up, then grinned at Noct. And Noct knew what that grin meant, and he may or may not have yelped when Gladio hefted him off the ground and dragged him in the shower.

The sudden shift of gravity was always surprising, but it wasn’t like the shower was that big to begin with and Noct wasn’t really _that_ short. So he banged his head on the wall (not hard).

“Ow!”

“Hit your head?” Gladio asked.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry,” he said, sheepish. He set Noct down on his feet, gently.

Noct rubbed his head. The water just the right temperature. “Tit for tat?”

Gladio shrugged. “As long as you aren’t mad at me.”

“Course not,” Noct said, wrapping his arms around Gladio’s neck. “I could be, but I started it.”

Gladio beamed at him, leaning down to kiss him. Noct moved up to meet him halfway, and they kissed for a moment, the water cascading down them, warm and gentle. Noct sighed, like he had the first hundred times their lips met. No matter how many times they kissed, it felt like this.

Reaching for the soap, Noct still held on to Gladio. He took the soap, and every so sensually, he massaged the bar into his skin and watching the suds bubble. Gladio sighed at the attention. Noct rubbed him down, back and then front, cupping Gladio’s dick while washing it thoroughly like every other body part.

Gladio hummed with the attention, his face content and his head slightly back. He wasn’t hard, but he wasn’t soft. Noct like him like this: vulnerable and open, happy and totally free.

Then Gladio rinsed himself off. “Can you hand me the face soap and shampoo?”

“Sure.” Noct gave him the requested items after putting the soap down. Since he was also completely wet they exchanged cleansers and both rinsed off.

“Well?” Noct said handing him the bar of soap.

Gladio looked at him quizzically. “Oh right.”

He stuck his tongue out and sudsed Noct’s chest rubbing in the lather. Noct loved watching Gladio’s face as he concentrated on each part of his body in succession. It felt good, warm, to have Gladio wash him. Though this wasn’t a ritual, the care present in the act was one they performed as an affirmation of their affection.

And one Noct wouldn’t give up for the world.

Soon they were both clean and dried off. Noct stepped into his underwear and headed toward the bedroom. Gladio followed him a moment later. Flopping on the bed, Noct sighed.

“Didn’t you just get up?” Gladio asked.

“Well, doesn’t mean I didn’t miss my sweet baby who loves me no matter what. And yes, I do mean the bed.”

Gladio sighed in exasperation. He tried flopped on the bed once, but that hadn’t gone well, being 6’6” and a brick ton of muscle. So instead he lay down gently and draped himself around Noct.

“I miss sleeping in together,” Gladio said, his voice quiet. “Also falling asleep together. Even if you hog all the covers.”

“Me? Hog? There’s more of you so you hog more,” Noct said playfully. He turned to face Gladio and snuggled closer, awkward as their arms were. He pulled a pillow for under his head. “I know, I miss laying in bed together and waking up to you there. I’m just not a morning person like you.”

Gladio caressed Noct’s face. “I know. I’ll take what moments we have and that we get.”

“Mmhmm.” Noct blinked slowly, feeling relaxed enough to fall asleep again. “So, what’s our plan today?”

“Iggy said we’re not scheduled in the studio today so we should probably get some musical rest. Or something.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll have to be extra quiet today. No screaming for me.”

“Damn,” Gladio said, chuckling. “Good to note . . . if we wanna rest.”

“If.” Noct wriggled closer, the heat from Gladio almost unbearable but magnetic nonetheless.

A polite knock on the open door reminded Noct that they didn’t necessarily live alone—yet. Maybe when they were famous and could afford a house then they could get some privacy.

“Ardyn just called,” Ignis said, sounding excited. “Previous appointment in the studio cancelled and he booked us for their session. We’ve got a good chunk of time and should make the most of it. Got a few more lines to tinker with, right?”

Noct shook his head, jumping into the music space. “What? Oh, yeah, for sure. What time?”

“Hmm?” Gladio chimed in.

“In an hour an half, so come on love birds, let’s make the most of this. If we don’t wanna finish ‘One More Life,’ we should try the new song.”

“Right,” Noct said. He stretched and rolled onto his back, at once annoyed at being interrupted with Gladio, but at the same time happy that they could go practice and work in the studio.

“Meeting in the living room in ten?” Gladio suggested.

“Yeah,” Ignis gave them a thumbs up and shut the door behind him.

“Ten minutes isn’t a lot of time, Gladio.”

“I can work with ten minutes,” he said. He rolled over and crawled on top of Noct, resting his arms next to Noct’s head, threading fingers through his hair. Distracted, he followed along as Gladio’s fingers traced his jaw and chest, his breath leaving traces on Noct’s skin.

But Noct wasn’t exactly passive. He ran his hands down Gladio’s chest and arms, hard and strong, holding his body steady over Noct. He felt the curves of muscle, the hard line of bone, the raw power bunched and ready to devour.

He gazed into those beautiful honey-brown eyes, and fell into the soul behind them, his movements automatic and adjusting to every reflection in those eyes.

It seemed as if they’d been lying there for hours, before a second knock came at the door. “Meeting time!” Prompto’s voice cut through the bond between Noct and Gladio, cutting short the moment. But if it had been just ten minutes . . . then Gladio had been right.

Noct sighed, as Gladio got up and stuffed himself into a tank and shorts while Noct threw on a tee and sweatshirt and some pants he’d been wearing the last couple days—the studio sometimes got cold.

“Alright,” Ignis said, when Noct emerged from the bedroom with Gladio in tow. “We’ve only got an hour before we need to leave. So do we work on ‘One More Life’ or start recording the new song?”

Noct shrugged and plopped on the couch next to Prompto.

“I mean,” Noct said after they kept staring at him. “We’ve been working on the song for a while. Its my favorite, so I wanna make sure we do it justice, like we’ve done with the others.”

“So, we leave it alone?” Prompto said.

“You mean to keep working on it. It’s gotta crack soon.” Gladio crossed his arms.

It wasn’t what Noct said, but he saw that he’d actually have to make a decision or they’d keep bickering about whether or not to try to record the damn thing.

“Okay!” Noct shouted over everyone arguing. They all stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Rarely did he raise his voice when not singing.

Noct crossed his arms. “We really aren’t going to take a vote. There aren’t enough of us for that to work well. So I’ll make a decision. We will work on a new song. Now: the major reason is this—” He gestured to their surroundings “—isn’t us. We have fun. We work our asses off, but _we have fun_. So, who’s having fun this week over the damn song?”

No one said anything, just looked at Noct like he was a crazy person. But he was going somewhere with this. He hoped.

“Well? No one? Me either. It’s not fun rehashing and doing the same takes over and over. I get confused and don’t know which take is a better take or what. So, let’s have fun. Let’s not do any thinking, except to have fun. Since I’ve gotta sing, I’ll come up with the lyrics. Blondie, you’ve got the beat. Big guy, you have the melody and power chords. Iggy, you’ve got the support and the high range.”

“Right,” Ignis said, pushing up his glasses and rolling up his sleeve. “I see where this is going. Noct, you’ve got a good head for feelings and lyricality, but you can’t make up a tune as good as Gladio can. I make shit too complicated, so I’ll add the depth. Prompto, you have a steady hand to keep us moving.”

Prompto nodded, studying the carpet. Gladio looked surprised.

“I’m not good a making stuff up on the spot, Iggy.”

“You are,” Noct said. “Remember when we first wrote ‘Garbage Can Sadness’ as a total joke? That was a catchy tune and we ended up putting it to use in ‘Falling Stars are Beautiful.’ Remember that?”

Gladio scratched the beginning of the scruff on his chin. “Yeah. I remember.”

“And then—”

“Okay okay,” Gladio said, throwing up his hands. “You think we can do this?”

Noct nodded and thrust his hand out, palm toward the floor. “Of course we can.”

“You are so cheesy,” Prompto said, but he joined and laid his hand on Noct’s.

Then came Gladio with rolled eyes, and Ignis with determination.

“Ghostfire!” they all yelled as one.

“Sure, it was cheesy, but cheesy works.” Noct grinned and Prompto.

“Yeah,” Gladio said clapping his back. “Ready to go?”

“You bet!”

Gladio lead them out the door, Ignis falling behind to make sure the door was locked. Since he worried the most about that. The walk was short, and Noct was feeling more energetic and good about this. It was kinda fun to go in with no plan. An electric feeling like he was gonna get away with something.

While waiting for the previous band to clear out, they tuned their instruments and warmed up. They had still had to wait a little bit longer, which was normal.

But once they got into the studio, Ardyn joined them in listening booth. They had enough time and they jammed out a song over the next couple hours. Gladio lead the way, timid at first, then after a few tries, found the power and strength. Prompto lead them charging, but toned down as they worked through iterations. Ignis played flawlessly each time, drawing nuance and imposing subtle order on the chaos.

And Noct flopped and almost sank the ship. But on the second round, he pulled out the strongest line he’d sung, “oh baby, don’t, don’t you leave me aching, drowning here.” He took the words and changed them again and again until he found the rhythm.

At the end of their session, they had a finished song “Bring Me to the Edge.” Noct sighed at the end. Ardyn came out from the booth and said he loved it, pronounced it one of the best so far, and that they had to celebrate such an artistic genius. So, of course, they did.

They went out to a local hot spot of dinner, Ardyn’s treat, and then to the swanky new club down the boulevard to drink and dance, again courtesy of Ardyn’s connections. Gladio ‘forgot’ his work out and Prompto made up for it with his wild gyrations and crazy energy dancing out. Ignis, ever the most mild mannered, even had one drink too many and tried to compete with Prompto for a moment. Ardyn of course hung out by the bar chatting and watching, though he did dance to a couple songs toward the end of the night. Gladio and Noct, well, Noct didn’t want to waste the night, so he hung off Gladio—literally once just cuz some massive man wanted to see if he could out-strength Gladio (and of course, Gladio won).

Noct only had a couple drinks, but enough to be feeling even better and free. They took so many pictures that night of everything. From Prompto hanging upside from a beam on the ceiling, to Ignis throwing back a shot, Gladio and Noct making out after the contest, and even Adryn getting down on the floor.

It was magical, that night. Just them all having fun out there, enjoying life, and music. Noct hadn’t been happier in his life. This this was what life was about. Even if he woke up sore the next morning—in all the wrong places.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this! I've been busy IRL and haven't had the time to dedicate to writing as much as I normally do.
> 
> Find me on tumblr hbrooks01.tumblr.com and say hi. It's like writing into the void.


	5. Present: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct is back in LA

Present: Los Angeles

The past few days had been whirlwind: Gladio had been released from the hospital in Budapest on the requirement that he go home, get plenty of rest, and go to rehab. They’d had to cancel the last two weeks of their European tour, causing some outrage, from what Noct could tell on the forums he occasionally trolled when he was feeling super shitty about his life choices.

He’d barely had time to unpack into his nearly empty house: too large for one person. Too large for two people, really. It reminded him a lot of growing up. He couldn’t even remember why he bought the monstrosity in the first place. Oh right. Privacy. Well he had plenty of that now.

Reluctantly, he turned away from the screen and back to the blinding sunlight outside. It was so much brighter here, so much sunlight. He missed the clouds of Portland, the constant rain, the introspection it allowed. Los Angeles was noise, movement, no excuses outdoors all the time.

He thought about taking a swim in his pool, but couldn’t bare to go outside. Not yet. Not with how he was feeling. There was too much temptation.

His watch buzzed and looked at a message from Ignis saying he needed to talk again. Noct tapped the “Okay” message and went to the bathroom to stare at his reflection some more. Nothing like disheveled on a Tuesday afternoon after sleeping most of the morning. But then again, Ignis had probably done the same. How had he become the strongest of them? Quiet, contemplative, Ignis knew the most out of all them, knew himself best. He’d become an anchor when Noct could no longer hold them together. And even now, it seemed like only a matter of time until the band broke up for good. Noct sighed.

The front door shut, loudly, deliberately. Meaning Ignis was here—not that he lived that far away anyway. Noct walked out to greet him.

“How are you, Ignis?” Noct said, leaning on a wall, watching his arrival.

Ignis kept his glasses on, looking him up and down. “I am quite alright. I went to see Gladiolus this morning. He’s got an appointment tomorrow that I’m taking him too, for his initial inpatient acceptance. He’s not feeling well, still a bit shaky, but he’ll be okay I think. Called his doctor, said things would be okay and recommended a facility that should be able to help him a lot.”

“Good to hear.” Noct sat down on one of the couches in the large room. Ignis sat across from him.

“Fame destroyed us.” Ignis took his glasses off and wiped his hand across his face.

The gesture was Ignis to the tee. It meant he had something serious to say. But Noct couldn’t control himself and laughed loudly and perhaps too longly. Ignis looked at him crossly

“I am not making a joke.”

“I know,” Noct said, still laughing, though there wasn’t anything truly funny about the statement, except, perhaps the absurdity of it. “The thing that ruined this band was Ardyn and his Ifrit Records.”

“What do you mean?” Ignis stopped, thinking for a moment. “I just thought you didn’t like him because of what happened.”

Noct laughed again, releasing so much tension he’d be carrying for years, feeling a more alive than he had for the last few months. Perhaps this awful stuff was happening for a reason.

“Yes,” Noct said, wiping his eyes. “He used to be fun. He used to be nice. But you remember what happened when we started charting? I couldn’t believe it. But it wasn’t even the beginning. He’s been a jerk for a long time, I just couldn’t see it until then. And it only got worse.”

“I didn’t know. I knew you two fought a lot, but he’s always been kind to me.”

Noct shrugged, leaning back. He stopped laughing, the seriousness of the conversation now more apparent, more meaningful now. “He knows he can’t get to you like he could get to me. Like he could get to Gladio. Like I’m sure he’s gotten to Prompto. He wanted to control us, and . . . well, he got his wish, didn’t he?”

Ignis looked thoughtful. “It is why our last album didn’t do well. Why the one we are working on sucks. The soul of our music is dead.”

“It’s on life support. It’s been that way since Gladio and I broke up. Our third only did well because of how raw and in pain we were. I think.”

Ignis sighed, and looked at the floor. Not a good sign. “I know. Is there anything we could do?”

Noct shook his head. “I’m not sure. But I should also go to rehab. I think I need the help too.”

Ignis looked up sharply, and he didn’t look as pleased as Noct though he would. “Is this about Gladio?”

Noct knew what he was getting after. “Yes and no. I mean, I feel like shit and I really need the help. Seeing him there . . . . It made me realize that I needed to get my life together. I can’t let my dad win. I can’t like Ardyn win either.”

Ignis shook is head. “If you think you should go, then go. I cannot argue with you once you’ve made up your mind.”

Noct sighed, thinking about it. “I know it’s a fault. But what else am I going to do in the mean time? If Gladio will be in rehab, I might as well do a stint to help me with pills and booze.”

Ignis nodded. “Well, I’m glad you are thinking about it. Will you be alright? With the tour on hold, I’m going to go visit my parents for two weeks.”

Noctis took a deep breath. “Yeah I’ll be alright. Thanks for being there for me, Ignis.” He stood up and hugged his friend. “Tell them hi for me, okay?”

“Will do.” Ignis squeezed him back, slightly awkwardly, patting him a couple time before waving goodbye.

Once Ignis was gone, it didn’t take Noct that long—just a couple phone calls—and he had the name of the rehab joint from Gladio’s doctor, and he’d got himself booked into the same place. Now all he had to do was get there, and with Ignis none the wiser—a message informing Prompto—he’d called a Lyft and was on his way to get better, and maybe have a chance to talk to Gladio. All in all this would be an excellent way to finally put some of his demons to rest.

****

Noct arrived at the facility in the hills of Malibu, the views stunning to say the least: if you had the money and cared about such things. He took off his sunglasses, squinting out at the view of the ocean. The rehab center had a generous driveway, and the Lyft driver commented on it before dropping Noct off—and after a car ride of unsuccessful attempts at conversation.

Bag in hand, Noct took the first few steps. Old pine trees lined the driveway along with broad oaks sprawling across the campus. The place was luxurious, even on the outside. The grounds were immaculately maintained and the landscaping was aesthetically pleasing.

He walked up the stairs to the large glass doors that looked more like they belonged in a movie than an actual place. Once inside, cool air washed over him, a clean, fresh scent linger that smelled faintly of lavender.

There was a large desk, much like a hotel front desk, right as he entered. He walked up to the counter and took off his sunglasses, hoping that he looked enough the part. The cheery woman behind the counter smiled.

“Welcome to the Lestallum Clinc,” she said, her voice musical and calming. “You must be Mr. Caleum, here to check in, correct?”

“Yes,” he said a little baffled.

“Nothing to worry about,” she said, reassuring him. “We are very discreet about our clientele here at the Lestallum. Now, would you mind filling out some paperwork? Once everything is ready let me know and we’ll get you settled in. In the meantime, do you mind if we take a look through your luggage so we can make sure everything is safe and clean? We’ll need to that with your personal effects after checking in as well.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he said, wheeling his suitcase to where she indicated.

After spending a good few minutes on the medical sheets and signing a dozen forms (yes, he read them all, just in case), he was ready. The inspection on his belongs was done and taken to his room. All that was left was being inspected before going in.

“Wonderful,” the woman said when he handed her the forms. “Your single room is ready for you. Our first day, such as today is a rest day, so you can relax and settle in before starting tomorrow in earnest. One of our staff, David, will be around to show you the facility once you’ve finished inspection. We just want to make sure you and our other patients have the best and most productive experience here. We focus on healing here.”

“Okay,” he said, looking around. The area and building seemed fairly empty though it could just have been because of the sheer size of the place. It was beautiful and spacious. “So . . . where do I go for this inspection thing?”

The woman smiled and it didn’t seem that fake. She pointed behind him. “We have security here for just that. I’ve already sent everything over and they’ll double check everything for you. We use advanced technologies so it’s a very simple procedure, much like going through a commercial flight.”

“Got it, thank you.”

He turned away from the overly cheerful woman to the security booth that looked less like security and more like a help desk. There were two men, very large, burly men the same size as Gladio had been a couple years ago. Massive and tall. Though they didn’t look related. They were equally polite, instructing him to walk through what, at first, had appeared to be an elaborate archway but was really a scanning machine. After entering, he was pronounced clean, and one of the large men, the one with lighter hair, introduced himself as David.

“Welcome, again, to the Lestallum Clinic.” David reminded him of the major reason why he was here: to see Gladio and hopefully repair some of the damage he’d done so long ago—if he could.

“Here we have the general lobby area. This area is mostly for a meeting place and after hours relaxation outside of one’s room.”

Noct nodded along. He was taken outside, through one of the meditation gardens, complete with fountains to drown out any man made noise from the city. There was a large labyrinth at the center with a few ornate and entirely too comfortable benches—how was it possible to get that level of comfort without cushions?

Next there was the outdoor activity recreation area, which Noct knew Gladio would love. There was a pool, tennis courts, basketball court, an obstacle course, and more. “We also have 10 miles of hiking trails in the hills behind here with some wildlife,” David mentioned.

Then they were back in the main building and followed an enclosed walkway between that building and an outlying building that house the medical facilities and meeting rooms, each an antithesis of the medical setting. Everything was calm, with warm, ample lightning and soft cushioned chairs, counseling rooms for the patients, and a few doctors on staff for any withdrawal symptoms. After that they crossed back to the main building and into a nearly identical walkway to another building that housed all the residents. This was where he would be staying.

At last, he was taken to his room, and he found he had a lovely view of the ocean a few miles away. The vast expanse was framed with trees and a rare few clouds in the sky.

In truth, it was picture perfect and he couldn’t help but feel at ease here. He stepped into the room and took off his jacket.

“We serve meals in the cafeteria three times a day with snacks offered 24/7 should you need something any time of day. Breakfast is 6 am to 9 am, lunch 11 to 2 and dinner from 5 to 9:30. If you have any dietary restrictions not already mentioned, please tell Sandy at the front desk and she’ll add that to your file. Do you have any other questions?”

“Uh, no, not at the moment,” Noct said, looking around.

“Well if you do, just pick up the phone and the front desk will help. Tomorrow morning a staff member will meet with you to help you come up with some goals for your stay with us.”

“Thank you,” Noct said.

David bowed out of the room, closing the door behind him. Noct pulled out his cell phone and noticed he didn’t have much of a signal at all, though he supposed it didn’t make much of a difference. There wasn’t anywhere to go and there were enough barriers that getting up here by anything other than car would be near impossible.

After a couple minutes of settling in, and finding himself bored and too sober already, he headed down to the cafeteria to get some dinner—at least it was something to do and he might encounter Gladiolus in the public area. There had been no one else on the tour, but Noct was certain he was here. The place was just that secluded and private.

The cafeteria proved to be a good choice. Noct recognized a few people though he didn’t talk to them or know them particularly well, just people he’d seen around town at functions. None were celebrities per se, but important people in the business.

Noct grabbed some food that looked edible. At least it wasn’t like high school, or any other style. The food looked and smelled wonderful. It sort of reminded Noct of when Ignis used to cook. 100% homemade food. Nothing microwaveable for the elite here. Noct supposed it made sense with recovery and all.

He took his plate and headed to sit down at one of the tables, definitely no table-side service here. Though the place had a few communal tables, smaller ones peppered around the large space. Well, at least he’d be able to sit away from others, not that anyone would talk to him anyway.

He sat, eating the food in front of him. He’d been given a pile of sweet potato mash with cauliflower, half a chicken breast, a salad, and a piece of cornbread. He looked at the pudding but passed on it.

After finished every bite, a feat for him, he looked around for a tray return.

There, walking in, was Gladiolus. He looked exhausted, worn thin, almost as if he was a ghost himself. Noct almost stood and walked over to him, but refrained himself for now. He didn’t want Gladio to know he was here just yet.

Managing to avoid Gladio’s gaze wasn’t hard. Once he was up at the counter, Noct tried to slip out of the cafeteria. But fate, apparently, had other plans for him.

As he was dropping off his tray, Gladio must have noticed him and before he could take more than three steps, Gladio stood before him and Noct had to stop in his tracks to avoid running into a tray full of food.

“Uh, hey,” Noctis managed after a too long a silence.

“I’m not interested in hearing anything.” Gladio stood like a statue. He looked haunted. “I’m here to heal, so don’t fuck it up.”

“Right.” Noct’s mouth was dry. “I’m here for the same.”

“Well then.” Gladio motioned with his tray. Noct stepped out of the way and made his way back to his room.

The walk was quite. The only noise was his footsteps squeaking down the hallway. He felt on edge, felt too much. He really wanted to drink something. He wanted to down a couple Xanax to help, but he’d turned everything in when he’d checked in. For the first time, he realized how impossible rehab would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O_O it's been crazy over here. Vacation + back to work ... adulting is really hard okay?? I hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Leave a comment/note/kudos tell your friends, post on the tumblrz. <3


	6. Present: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis's rehab time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the previous chapter. I have a layout and the last chapter was getting too long, so I split it into a couple. I will occasionally have back-to-back chapters in the same time period (which is why I label them.

After two weeks, Noctis felt settled in, though he felt absolutely awful still. Nurses and doctors were on hand, of course, to help with withdrawal symptoms. But still, it was nothing he had been prepared for. The first few days had been okay until everything was out of his system and then it was awful. Headaches, nausea all of it.

But today he felt better. He was in a different support group than Gladio was, probably for the best. Group therapy was exceptionally difficult for him. One on one therapy was also painful. He wanted, more than anything, to have a drink and take a pill to ease the jangled nerves during most of the conversations. But the therapist he was working with totally understood and helped him talk a lot for the first time in a couple years.

Really talk. Noct hadn’t managed to bring up the break up yet, but he felt like he had to soon, or he might explode from holding it in. Especially hiding it from his support group as most everyone here knew Ghostfire, knew him. Confidentiality and all. He still hadn’t talked about it in one-on-one therapy which would probably be a better place to start talking. After all, he knew it was one of the reasons he wasn’t doing well.

Gladio had been his rock.

He was walking down the corridor to the common room to just enjoy the openness and get away from the confinement of his room. There were a few people walking about, but no one could really be bored here. There was a library and gym, of course, tennis courts, swimming, and all the activities that endemic of therapy sessions and rehab. All in all, he didn’t have a lot of free time and he felt like actually being out.

The afternoon sun filtered through the trees outside and into the foyer area that served as a sort of lounge. He picked the corner of the room and sat down, just wanting to watch people come and go—hoping for a glimpse of Gladio.

Noct acknowledged a few of the people that looked his way and made a motion. He didn’t particularly feel close to anyone, but they were all very supportive. He liked them, and that in and of itself was therapeutic. There were _other_ people out there. People he hadn’t met, hadn’t known.

He checked his watch for the time, knowing he had about 30 mins until his therapy session with Dr. [name here]. She was very patient and kind and was only supportive of him.

Noct felt good today, the sun on his back, the day calm and slow. He saw Gladio across the way, walking with his usual swagger, his powerful body moving like liquid. A wave of sadness rushed over him. Were it not for years of practice, he would have cried on the spot.

The wave passed, though he held on to how it had made him feel. It would be good to talk to Dr. Rosa about it. He felt like he needed to say something anyway. He needed something to talk about other than the drugs, other than the booze. She was patient, yes, but she also made him think more than he had ever wanted to.

A little later, he got up, still feeling a mixture of sadness and peace. And a little dread. Would he be ready to talk to her about Gladio? Would he really ever be ready to talk about him?

But he had to. Right?

Her door was closed at the moment, and so he took a seat outside, next to the plant. It was always pleasant here, very calming.

A young woman came out of the door and he immediately looked away from her. He’d made the mistake of looking the first few times. The raw pain on people’s faces was too much to bear.

Dr. Rosa came to the door a moment later and motioned him inside.

“Good afternoon, Noctis, how are you today?” She gave him a warm, almost motherly smile, though she was barely older than his was.

“I’m doing pretty good actually.” He closed the door behind him. “And I’m also a little bit sad.” He told her what had happened in the foyer.

“Do you know what made you sad?”

“He did.” Noctis sighed. “I loved him. I love him still, I think. I mean, I don’t know about anything any more.”

She listened, waiting a moment.

“I mean, we dated and everything years ago. We were totally in love. The sickening kind where we were together all the time. For years. It felt … like it would last forever you know?”

“Yes, I know.”

“Anyway, we were doing great. THe band was just getting started and doing well. We started getting paid gigs. And then all of a sudden we had a record deal out of nowhere. Everything was great.”

“What happened?”

Noctis sighed. “I don’t know what happened really. It was kinda slow at first. After our record came out, we had to be away from each other for public appearance. We couldn’t show affection in public. He got so mad at me for that. But I couldn’t. I thought it’d just be temporary, but we had a legally binding contract that we couldn’t be public with our affection.”

“I can see why that might be difficult.”

“Yeah, and I was hurting too. Every time when we were in private it was like everything was okay . . . for the first couple months. Then it was fights after every show, after every appearance. Then everyday.”

“That is a very tough situation.”

“I mean, what was I supposed to do? It was lose-lose anyway. No matter what I did it wasn’t good enough. Then we broke up over it. Am I crazy?”

“It sounds like a very stressful situation, Noctis. I don’t think there are many people that could pull through something like that. It takes a lot of trust and a lot of patience and a willingness to see through the words to the truth.”

“What do you mean?”

“You cared for him, even though he may not have seen that. From what you said, if you couldn’t give him the affection and assurances he need he probably felt abandoned.”

“He said as much, a few times.”

She waited a moment. “And I’m guessing you felt that he didn’t understand you. That you were trying to choose both lives, correct?”

“I wanted the music and I wanted him. But in the end, it felt like I couldn’t have both and I hated him for a while. I hated that he didn’t get it. He wouldn’t believe me when I told him I loved him.”

“I’m sorry that this happened to you both. It’s very painful to have someone you love not believe you.”

“Yeah.” Noct put his head into his hands, looking at the floor. “I was so mad at him. But today, I just wanted to cry.”

“Did you ever grieve him?”

“What?” He looked at her like she’d grown a second head. “No.”

“If you have sadness, explore some of that. You’re safe here in my office or in your room. No one will see or judge you for those feelings. You lost a large part of your life for that breakup. If you haven’t grieved, you may be holding on that much longer than it served it’s purpose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Pain isn’t meant to be held for years. It’s meant to be felt, dealt with and let go. Holding on to that pain lets it fester and grow.”

“So,” he said slowly, “I’m supposed to grieve him even though he’s alive?”

She gave him a sad little smile that he understood that she saw through his attempt. “You are grieve the loss of the relationship. I think doing that will help you heal some. Especially because you have feelings for him and he’s there all the time. There is a good chance that he also hasn’t grieved the loss.”

“Oh.” Noct sat there for a moment, thinking. If Gladio had done the same thing . . . then didn’t that make them more alike? Had he unintentionally hurt Gladio? Had Gladio unintentionally hurt him? “So, we are kinda like caged animals lashing out and that might be against each other?”

“It could certainly happen.” She glanced at the clock behind him. “I’m really glad that you could share this with me. I hope you think about it. That is the time we have for now, but I’ll see you again in a couple days and we can talk more then. I think you’re making some good progress.”

“Thank you,” Noct got up off the couch and awkwardly waved goodbye before heading out of the door. She was right, of course. She was right most of the time it seemed to him.

He thought about what she’s said. It made a certain amount of sense, logically, but it didn’t _feel_ right. He couldn’t grieve someone still alive. But it wasn’t grieving the living, it was the loss of the relationship.

He opened the door to his room and the instant he felt safe, he dropped to the floor and sobbed for the first time in years.

***

It had been just about two months since he started the program. Over the course of that time, he’d talked more openly with Dr. Rosa about his relationship with Gladio and he felt better than he had in months. No, years. He’d spoken to Ignis and Prompto both a few times, and both came up to visit him and Gladio (separately, as insisted upon by several parties).

All in all, he felt like he was doing a lot better, mentally. He still craved his medication, though he was told, that at some point, he might be able to take something to help. For now, he wasn’t allowed to—it was too unsafe for him now.

But today, he was feeling good enough. He had a few scheduled things for today: a pool workout, tennis lesson with Dave, and group lead by his second favorite therapist Dr. Sandra. He also had plans to go pick up new reading material at the library.

The first thing was the pool workout, which was one of the things he found he liked after he took a couple classes and decided to do solo workouts before breakfast when it was still quiet outside. It was a heated pool, so he didn’t care about the temperature outside. He could always bundle up the minute he got out. He’d have to keep this up when he went back home.

He smiled as he dove into the water. The moments he was in there seemed to fly by. The water held him up and he loved the way he glided and floated as if he flew. He got tired so easily, but after a couple weeks his 10 laps no longer felt endless. They felt effortless. Soon he’d have to add another couple laps.

Once he finished with his laps, he got out of the pool and showered off in the provided locker rooms (he supposed so people didn’t traipse around the place wet). He changed back into his regular clothes and headed to the cafeteria for breakfast, like normal. He actually smiled and talked to people. _Who am I?_ Just a couple months ago a smile felt foreign on his face.

Until he literally ran into Gladio.

He had turned the corner, like normal, and Gladio was right there, and there was no way Noct could stop himself from collision.

Gladio stopped, then looked down with something in his eyes Noctis had never seen before: a combination of revulsion, fear, and hatred.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” Noct stammered.

Gladio set his jaw in a way Noct hadn’t seen in years. He felt his day crumble around him, the feel-good vibes vanishing and washing everything in gray.

“Get the fuck out of my way.”

Noct stood there, though, paralyzed by those words. The world narrowed to Gladio and the wall next to him. There was no where to go.

Frustrated, the larger man sidestepped him and stormed off. Noct, left there, slipped down the wall as the only means to stopping himself from completely falling apart right then and there.

After a moment he remembered where he was and he looked toward the cafeteria. He could clearly see people moving around, sitting down, standing up, eating, taking, laughing. Though he could feel it, it felt so foreign, so far away. Impossibly so. He remained still, trying to be disappear into the wall.

No one looked to him, though. At least, it seemed that way.

Noct slowly remembered to breathe. He had come here to eat, but he no longer felt hungry. He didn’t trust himself to stand for fear of falling down. He couldn’t trust his own strength.

But he couldn’t stay here forever, not with Gladio still out. Noct wanted to go back to his room. Wanted to drink to forget. Take his medicine to complete the oblivion process. But there was nothing he could do but sit here for now.

After a long time, he wasn’t sure, he stood up, shaky, and made his way down the hall toward his room. Once he was up and moving, it was easier to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

Eventually, he found his room, opened the door and collapsed on the bed. In moments, he broke down crying. A part of him felt detached and judging him for the ugly sobbing. But for the most part, he lived through the wracking pain, feeling his body double in agony as he cried over a stupid boy. How had he thought things were going to get better?

How dumb he was to think anything could be better.

The litanies washed over him, marinating him in guilt and pain, but the tears flowed still, a soothing cascade quenching the fires of his personal hell.

When the pain subsided and he could look up without bleary eyes, when he could sit up, and brush the tears from his face, when he could breath again, he strangely felt better than he had this morning. As if a giant chunk of ice had broken off his yoke.

Checking the time, he noticed that he’d missed everything he’d had planned for the day, save the trip the library. But he felt drained and exhausted, and had no desire to head out of his room just yet.

But now he realized how he needed to stay: for himself.


	7. Past: Hollywood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostfire's "Angels and Demons" plays on the radio for the first time. CELEBRATION!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG. So I posted one chapter twice. Sorry! This is a new one >.<

**PAST**

Noct sat outside on the patio of the bar, his mixed drink half-way empty. He was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto had similar expressions.

The radio station on just finished playing “Angels and Demons.” Conversation ceased a moment they heard the first chord resonate on the cheap speakers. The song sounded strange: his voice was tinny and the guitars muted. But it was undeniable their song. And it had just played. On the radio. In LA.

This was one of their evening hangouts, so the bartenders knew them, knew a little of the music they played—but they were no Cindy and this was no Portland. It was unreal.

Noct cleared his throat as the next song in rotation came through. “Ugh, so,” he stammered out. “Does this mean we’ve made it?”

Prompto laughed, though it was more of a pained, nervous laughter than anything else. “We sound better than that don’t we? Right?” Maybe the whole thing was surreal. No, it _was_ surreal.

Gladio said nothing, but he wasn’t shocked still anymore.

“It’s not an ideal listening environment, but yes. We have, apparently, made it.” Ignis lifted his craft beer.

“Fuck.” Noct grinned. “I mean. Jesus that’s crazy. Our song just played on the radio. One we worked on for months.”

Ardyn swooped in out of nowhere, a grin on his face, happy as could be. He gestured expansively. “Well, my boys, that’s certainly an improvement, wouldn’t you say? First radio charting and only out a week. And to think I was getting worried about my own judgment. Congratulations are in order. Let me buy a round to celebrate!”

“Hell yeah!” Prompto jumped up on the opportunity for another drink. Noct stood up, and drained his drink in one gulp. Even Gladio and Ignis joined. Though they drank, they partied a lot less when they went out unlike Prompto and Noct.

“And of course we sound better than that, Prompto,” Ignis said. “Besides—” He pushed up his glasses. “—we are rockstars now.”

Gladio laughed a big, deep laugh. “Go on saying that Ignis and you’ll blow up little blondie’s head so much it’ll explode.”

“We wouldn’t want that to happen to our youngest members would we?”

“Definitely not,” Gladio said, clapping Noct on the back.

“Hey, I’m right here you know!” Prompto said. Ardyn was already at the bar ordering. He held up his hand trying to get the bartender to get that he meant five, probably.

Noct shrugged off Gladio, sticking out his tongue and headed to the bar. If anything could help with the awkwardness of hearing his own song on the radio, it would be alcohol—or some such other substance. But good ol’ alcohol was nearby and free—a very important distinction.

“You sure Noct?” Gladio asked. He took Noct’s empty glass and set it by the bar, as if for emphasis.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Noct said, annoyed with his boyfriend for the moment. “I mean, I’m not a kid. I know I’m gonna pay for it later, but fuck. We gotta celebrate something and this is something worth drinking to.”

“Yes, yes. He’s right.” Ardyn handed shot glasses to everyone. “To the success of Ghostfire, and my dear friends.”

“To Ghostfire!” they all said, raising the glasses and downing the drinks instantly. Gladio slammed his down, and Noct followed—albeit a little more gently.

He couldn’t stop smiling. “Our song, on the radio. Our fucking song!”

“Yeah!” Prompto said, his earlier nervousness gone, caught up in Noct’s enthusiasm. “We fucking rock, don’t we boys.”

Ignis pushed up his glasses, a grin playing across his lips. “That we do gents. That we do indeed.”

Noct felt great after the shot (and after the few drinks he’d already had). He cheered again and the pulled Gladio from the bar to dance, though there was no dance floor. He improvised around the pool tables and other patrons. Gladio, reluctant but still a better dancer than Noct most days, moved along to the music, and began to smile. After the song ended Noct laughed, hugging his boyfriend.

On his tip toes he whispered in Gladio’s ear, “I fucking love you so much babe.”

“Love you too,” Gladio said. “Just be careful, okay?”

“I know.” Noct hugged him tight. “It’s just I can’t believe. Been stressed, but fuck. I just wanna be relaxed.”

“Smoke a joint with Prompto later,” Gladio said. “Might even join you two hooligans.”

“You know you like us,” Noct said, stabbing a finger into Gladio’s thick chest.

Noct was then distracted by the wall of muscle that pretended to be a human sometimes. Gladio was absolutely out of this world hot and though the alcohol may have influenced him in the moment, he thought that a lot of the time anyway.

Noct, feeling a bit frisky, nipped Gladio’s earlobe. Gladio laughed and picked Noct up and carried him back to the pool table where Prompto and Ignis had started and almost finished a game. Ardyn, smiling, waved them over.

“Congratulations, boys,” he said. “The first radio plays are the sweetest. You’re on your way to stardom. I can feel it.”

“Fuck yeah!” Prompto raised his fist. “I’m so ready.”

Noct leaned into Gladio. “Me too. Thanks.”

“We should have another celebratory drink,” Ardyn said. “But maybe a little later. I’m very proud of all the work you did.”

“We wouldn’t be here with you,” Ignis said, solemn. Then he hit a ball in. Prompto looked a little less excited.

“Oh, really, it’s nothing,” Ardyn said. “It is my job to bring talent and music to the masses. You are the ones making my job easy.”

“What do you think, another shot?” Noct looked up and Gladio. “Like in an hour you know? The whole hour wears a drink off.”

“Yeah, one hour we can have another.” Gladio kissed his head. “Just worry about you and blondie. So skinny the booze hit you so fast.”

“What about Iggy?”

Gladio shrugged. “I don’t worry about him. He doesn’t need me to worry about him.”

“Of course,” Ignis said. “I do enough worrying about me for everyone.”

Ignis made another shot, leaving him with just the eight ball. Prompto still had a few left on the table. Noct had learned early on never to play against Ignis—if he wanted to win. Playing against Prompto or Gladio was more fun. Gladio was terrible at pool, though so many people never bothered to find out. At six foot six not many guys wanted to face that if they beat him anyway.

Noct waited until Ignis won.

“Who wants a go? Noct?”

“Are you kidding? No way, you always win.”

“I’ll play Iggy.” Gladio grabbed a stick from the wall. “Maybe I’ll do better today.”

Ignis adjusted his glasses. “One can always out perform oneself. That is the truest measure of progress.”

“Motivational Iggy,” Prompto said, but he sighed heavily. “I wish.”

Noctis headed to the wall, still half swaying to the music. Prompto stood next to him, leaning on the wall. Ardyn was next to Noct, humming along to the music, and otherwise just relaxing.

“I won’t face off against him, he’s too competitive with pool. Why’d you go for it?”

Prompto shrugged. “Something to do while you were out there macking down on Gladio. If it weren’t you two, I’d say it was gross. But hell, it’s gross anyway.”

“Ah, young love,” Ardyn said, sounding wistful. “Such ardor in such measure. I miss those days sometimes.”

“Aw, you find anyone here you fancy?” Prompto asked. “Might be able to get you the hook up. Being popular band members comes with perks.”

“Oh, no thank you, Prompto,” Ardyn said, chuckling. “Bemoaning one’s woes is much more fun than solving one’s problem. There is much to be said for wallowing when appropriate.”

He took a sip of his beer, lounging on a bar stool. He almost looked out of place there in the corner, but on the other hand he blended in, even with his rather ostentatious clothes. Noct had always thought he looked a little bit out of time, like he would have fit in a few decades ago, but now just seemed to be a vision of what it might have been like a long long time ago.

“Here, here,” Noct said. “I’d toast to that but no drink for a little bit longer. Gotta be a little bit behaved.”

Ardyn clicked his tongue. “Now where the fun is that?”

“Agreed,” Prompto said, bumping him with an elbow.

They fell silent for a moment and Noct watched Gladio play. He wasn’t doing terribly, and he’d gotten better over the last couple years, but he just didn’t have the competitive spirit for the game like Ignis did. Gladio was very competitive in other areas, like lifting, endurance hiking, or contact sports. God he’d played football for a season in high school and had almost been kicked of the team for the violence. In college, Noct remembered he’d tried out for the rugby team and hadn’t made it because he’d also been “a bit too violent.” Noncompetitive sports he enjoyed, and they didn’t seem to bring out the worst in him.

But he had made it on a sparring team for a while and got insanely good in a short time. He quit after a couple months though when he realized how overly serious he took it.

Noct could be similarly stubborn and competitive, but in different areas. It was somewhat relaxing to watch Gladio play though. Ignis was concentrating and his shots were near perfect. Gladio also studying Iggy and tried to copy some of the moves to no avail, but he was improving. But more importantly he was having fun.

Even if he wasn’t talking, he was smiling and looked generally happy. Noct loved watching him when he was in the zone and couldn’t help be fall a little more in love. There wasn’t much Gladio could do that wouldn’t make him love him more.

God, he was just so beautiful tonight.

“Noct, did you hear me?”

“Huh? What?”

“Never mind,” Prompto said, sighing. “I know when you’ve gone all moony over Gladio. Like how long have you been dating? Shouldn’t all that star struck moony-eyed stuff be gone by now?”

“Nope!” Noct crossed his arms. “We’ve been dating for long enough, but doesn’t matter. I just can’t help it. He’s so hot.”

“He is an exquisite specimen of a man,” Ardyn said. “Objectively of course. Like your friend Cindy. She is an exquisite statue as well.”

“Cindy . . . .” Prompto almost swooned at the mention of her name. Oh, he still had it bad. “Yeah, she is amazing and talented.”

Ardyn just laughed. “That she is.”

Noct smiled, though he was a little creeped out, the first time that Ardyn had managed to do that. He sometimes said some gross things, but in general they were never really that bad. But calling Gladio exquisite while representing him as a manager and agent, wasn’t that crossing the line or something? But it wasn’t as if he had said that Gladio was sexy or hot or anything. Just objectively good looking. Noct shook his head.

Ignis was up now, the eight ball lined up perfectly. Gladio still had four left on the table, and Noct smiled. He had done better. Of course, Noct might have had two or less, but he just wasn’t as good as Iggy. But Gladio didn’t seem to mind.

Then Ignis scored the final point, gave Gladio a good-natured smile and they shook hands, like adorable little nerds.

“Have fun?” Noct said when Gladio returned the stick to the wall.

“Yeah, I’m getting better,” Gladio said.

“Mmm, I noticed.”

“I know that tone,” Gladio said, turning to grin at Noct. “And you know I love hearing it, but you do know you need to wait, right?”

“Waiting is not in my wheelhouse,” Noct purred. “It’s not my strong suit.”

“I know, but god it’s so much fun.”

“You’re a dick,” Noct said, reaching out to pull on his belt. “Such an asshole, you know?”

“I am, and you fucking love it.” He pulled closer.

“Rude.” Noct played with the band of his jeans, tugging gently. There was a little give and he got a nice little peek at the skin of his hip. Why that drove him crazy, he couldn’t say, but anything Gladio drove him nuts.

“Are you sure that I’m the rude one?” Gladio pulled Noct a little closer.

“Yeah, cuz you’re just gonna tease me until I go a little too far and then you’ll make me wait until I get home like a total jerk.”

Gladio clicked his tongue. “That is my MO.”

“Like I said, rude.” Noct let his hand crawl up Gladio’s tank top, the material stretch taut across his muscles. How it hadn’t stretched beyond belief throughout the day was a miracle of science and engineering.

“Mmhmm.” Gladio caught his hand, and held it, intertwining their hands for a brief moment, then he bent down to kiss Noct.

It was always a shock and always amazingly good, even if short-lived. Noct closed his eyes for a brief moment to savor the kiss, the taste of tequila still on Gladio’s lips. The salt, lime, and pungent alcohol still present. It was delicious.

“So, is it time for another shot?” Prompto said loudly.

Noct smiled still kissing Gladio. Gladio had smiled as well.

“Sure,” the big guy said. “Then we should probably think about heading home. I’m an old man that needs his old-man sleep.”

“If you are an old man, then what does that make me? Old adjacent?”

“Young, Noct. Only Iggy can claim old man status with me. Once you’ve hit 30 you can also be an old man, but not sooner.”

Ardyn laughed. “30 is still very young, you know. But I won’t judge your habits. Sleep is very important, especially as it seems to be more fleeting the longer one lives.” He sighed dramatically. “Well, boys? Shall we have one more celebratory drink this fine evening?”

“Yeah, one more,” Noct said. “Thanks Ardyn.”

“It is always my pleasure to make sure you are working and enjoying your time equally. After all, all work and no play makes a boring life and dull music.”

“Here, here,” Ignis agreed.

They all followed Ardyn to the bar and waited while he ordered a final round of shots and they all toasted and celebrated again. So far, Noct could get used to this. Good friends, good times, and living the life. He almost couldn’t wait for that first royalty check.

Their music was playing on the goddamn radio after all. Fucking hell yes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me at hbrooks01.tumblr.com and send me encouraging notes!
> 
> I have a lot of material written due to NaNo, so I should be posting more frequently. I still have a few chapters left to write before I finish the story (maybe about 7-10, depending). So it's very close to being done.
> 
> Let me know what you think so far! I'm really liking what's happening.


	8. Present: London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct and the gang get back on the last leg of their worldwide tour. This time, they end in London.

**Present: London**

After finishing up his 90 days, Noct returned home for a short time before he flew back to finish up the worldwide tour. The label made the necessary trip arrangements. Everyone else had already made the return trip—even Gladio—while he finished up at rehab. Thankfully only Ardyn seemed like a dick about everything that had happened. The other people at the label had been supportive of his recovery.

After traveling to England, the long journey over, Noct was picked up and escorted to the hotel by a white glove service. It was as if he were a precious package. The thought bothered him a little more than it should have.

The drive through London was quiet, as the glass of the vehicle blocked out much of the noise. The driver didn’t talk to him, and Noct was grateful for that attention to detail. He never really liked small talk anyway.

Big Ben passed by and he knew they were entering the area he’d be staying. It wasn’t too much farther to the o2 Arena, where they would be playing. Though not always placed in the most expensive nor closest places, management (mostly Ardyn) tried to get them as close to the venue as possible while keeping fans at a respectable distance.

Of course that wasn’t always a good plan for everyone, and one time a few fans were staying overnight at the hotel the band was staying at. Noct hadn’t minded at the time, being as polite as he could be, but it hadn’t been super easy and he was thankful that the fans were very kind and genuinely excited to meet them.

The driver stopped at the back entrance of Canary Riverside Plaza Hotel to let him out. Ardyn, waiting just outside the building, had his arms crossed. He looked annoyed or displeased. But Noct didn’t really care about how he felt. Noct was here because he needed to finish the tour. For himself and his fans. Mostly for the fans. He knew how much it meant to them that they could go. Heck, he’d been able to meet many of his idols due to his work and they had all be so nice to invite him to shows as a guest. It was phenomenal.

“Welcome, Noctis,” Ardyn said. “I trust your flight was well?”

Noct nodded. “It was acceptable.”

“So good to hear,” Ardyn drawled. “Shall we?” He gestured to the large door. “I know you just arrived, my dear, but we do have a few things to take care of before you can rest.”

Noct did his best to not grind his teeth together at his tone. “Of course.”

“We have an interview scheduled in 36 minutes, which should give you enough time to freshen up a bit. Don’t worry, it’s another phone interview.”

“Got it,” Noct said. “I’ll be ready.”

“Good.” Ardyn lead him to the elevators and walked him to his room. “We are just across the hall here. Come over at—” he checked his watch “—four thirty-three.”

Noct nodded and headed into his room, which turned out to be small suite. He’d become accustomed to a smaller room when he was at the rehab facility.

He put his few bags down and tucked them in the closet. He worked out all the things he’d need for the shower and a change of clothes that might be considered “acceptable” outside a hotel room in case Ardyn tried to surprise him. Though that hadn’t happened in a long time, he didn’t want to be caught by surprise again.

He hopped into the shower, the steamy water hitting him hard. The spray felt really good after a long flight. He felt he’d changed from rehab. He thought he had at least. He hadn’t had a drink, hadn’t taken any pills yet. He still felt too sober, too electrified, but it hadn’t been as bad as he thought it would be.

Until he saw Ardyn.

The man had set him on edge. But he had been tired from flying. Maybe it just made the man harder to deal with? That was a distinct possibility. But the steam from the shower, coupled with the toiletries he’d brought from home . . . . He felt almost human when he’d finished and dried off, with a few minutes to spare before the interview.

So he took a few deep breaths, calming himself down and trying to center himself.

But it wasn’t working now.

He headed across the hallway to the room Ardyn had mentioned earlier. He felt gross and slimy being here, and he immediately wanted to take another shower.

Ignis answered the door though, looking a little surprised that Noct was on-time. No, early even.

“Noct,” he said, stepping aside. “Come on in, we should be starting soon. Just surprised to see you early.”

He shrugged, and smiled. “Yeah, I’m a little surprised too. But you know, maybe before you know it, I’ll be late and back to normal.”

“One’s habits are hard to change,” Ignis replied dryly.

Prompto wasn’t here yet, and Gladio was already sitting on one of the chairs in the room. Arydn stood by the window, looking out on the cloudy city below.

“Good,” Ardyn said. “Prompto is on his way. Anyway, we will be asked about the tour cancellation. The reason why has already been leaked or hinted at in some tabloids. But we’d prefer to say that it was not rehab, but rather for illness. Your’s specifically, Noct. We needed to rest your voice after doing so many shows.”

“Voice rest,” Noct parroted. “Got it.”

Gladio looked at him sharply. But Noct didn’t want to fight this battle between him and Ardyn, not over whether or not he went to rehab.

It felt awful to give in. Even just for this.

“Can I have a private word with Noctis?” Gladio said.

Ardyn waved his hand, as if to show he didn’t care, but to Noct this was a surprise. Even Ignis looked shocked. Hell, the last time he’d talked to Gladio, the big guy had told him to fuck off.

“Just be back before Prompto is here,” Ardyn said to no one in particular.

Gladio almost dragged him out of the room, but Noct hurried up and followed him out into the hallway.

Once they were a step away from the door, Gladio looked, if possible, even more upset than he had the last time they’d spoken. “What the hell are you thinking?” He hissed. “What the hell are you doing going along with that asshat?”

“What?” Noct said. “I’m just trying to get through this.”

“Yeah, well you’ve been saying the same thing for a long time.”

“What do you want me to say?” Noct said, feeling even more dejected. This wasn’t how he’d hoped their next conversation would go.

“I want you to tell them the truth. I want to tell them the truth.”

“About rehab or . . . ?”

“Rehab.” But he looked a little mollified by the question. “If I say anything about it, will you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it yet, but if you want to, I won’t stop you or try to cover up with something later.”

“Well, at least that’s something, then.” Gladio stood a little taller. “It’s important to me and I don’t want to hide this from our fans. They deserve much more than the sugar coated shit they’ve been fed.”

“I agree. If I feel angry enough with Ardyn or if I feel okay, I’ll talk. Otherwise, it’s your story to share. If you feel like you have to mention me, then don’t lie.”

Gladio nodded. Prompto was heading down the hall in a half-jog, half-walk.

“Whoa,” he said, coming to a stop. “The meeting over already?”

“No, Prompto,” Gladio said. “We were having a private chat. But we’re done now. Ready for the interview?”

Noct nodded and Prompto said, “Yuppers!” Though Prompto looked a couple times between them as if he thought he might have missed something very important.

They all headed into the room one after the other, though Prompto entered last just to piss off Ardyn—they technically were there before Prompto. Sometimes being petty made all the difference.

Ardyn said nothing, but the phone was ready to go, and the radio DJ was just about ready for them.

“Okay, we’re ready on our end. You’re still good to live?”

“We are,” Ardyn said, looking up at both Gladio and Noct. Well, he might have surprise coming for him.

“Great! Live in three, two, one, and go.”

“Okay listeners, if you loved that song and we know you did, we’ve got the cheeky bastards themselves here on the line. Hey fellas!”

“Hi,” Noct said.

“Good day,” Ignis said.

“Hiya!” from Prompto.

Gladio just grunted.

“Ghostfire is back after a brief hiatus for the tour, and we are very glad to see you back. Any comments on that?”

“We’re really sorry to our fans,” Noct said, careful not to look at Gladio or Ardyn. “We do our best to make sure that you can make it to our shows and we know that changes in plans can make it hard to make it to a new show. We hope that everyone can make it to the new dates.”

“Yeah, always a bummer,” Prompto said. “Thanks guys.”

“We do love Ghostfire,” the DJ said. “You guys always put on a great show. How is the tour going? Can you tell us about the break?”

“The tour is going great,” Gladio said. “We always love to perform for our fans. We had to take a brief break because I went into rehab for alcohol. I wanted to tell you all the truth. The music and you all are the reason why I’m back here after all. I really wanted to finish the tour. I’m doing better, so don’t worry about me.”

Ardyn hissed, but couldn’t hang up. Not right after that bombshell.

“Oh mate, that’s serious. We’re glad you are doing better. I applaud you for going. That’s got to be a tough choice.”

“There is no shame in seeking out help,” Noctis said. “I made the choice to go as well. It’s very hard work and Gladio is courageous to share his story.”

“Well mates that’s tops.” The DJ paused. “Good to hear that you are back and better than ever before. We are very excited for the finishing leg of the tour. How do you think it’s going to go?”

“Great!” Prompto practically shouted. “London has always loved us and I’m super grateful for that. Every time we do a show here, I just get so energized. You guys are fantastic.”

“We have time for one more question,” Ardyn said.

“Right-o. Well, this one is for Ignis: how does it feel to be back in England performing?”

“I love it,” Ignis said. “I have loved living in the US and being on tour just reminds me of some summer trips my family took around the EU. It’s a bit different to see one’s home after so long. Of course, I can’t go back to the town I grew up without getting stares and some old schoolmates congratulating me. Surreal, but in a good way.”

“Thanks for your time gents,” the DJ said. “Always a pleasure, and thank you so much for sharing your stories tonight. We all wish you a speedy, safe, and effective recovery.”

“Thanks, man,” Gladio said.

Ardyn hung up the line and stood up and headed to the window. He sighed heavily.

“Oh, my sweet and stoic Gladio,” Ardyn said. “We were going to have this covered with a very nice story about how Noctis had to take time off to heal his voice, but hear you are, going off script, perhaps costing us some PR points through a few demographics.”

“And the people that actually give a fuck about us will finally be happy to hear real news and not this bullshit,” Gladio crossed his arms and for a moment, Noctis was reminded of just how physically intimidating he could be. But this display was quite amazing. Seeing Ardyn in a defensive position was . . . exquisite.

But instead of being phased, Ardyn turned to Noctis. “I suppose you’re decision to talk was coordinated.”

Noct shrugged. “Doesn’t matter does it?”

Ardyn, surprisingly, laughed. “No, no it doesn’t. We will continue with the shows this week and finish out the tour here as planned.” He then waved them out of his room.

And Noct was suddenly annoyed that he had to be so close to Ardyn’s room this time. He headed out and wanted nothing more than to sleep for a few years. The fatigue of the day finally caught up to him, even though he’d slept for a few hours on the plane.

Turning the knob for his room, a massive hand on his shoulder made him turn around. Again, he was surprised that it was Gladio making the first contact again.

“Thanks, Noctis,” he said. “I’m sorry about the blow up a few weeks ago. I hope you’ll forgive my outburst. Get some rest, okay?”

“Yeah, will do,” he said awkwardly. He wasn’t sure what else he could say and so he remained silent while thinking until Gladio walked away. Prompto and Ignis had already returned to their rooms, leaving Noct alone in the hallway, frozen like a statue. It wasn’t a cute look and he didn’t want to be caught out with Ardyn nearby, so he went inside his room and closed the door behind him before any meddling managers could bother him.

The room was cool and quiet after such a long and stressful day. Noct wanted nothing more than to flop onto the bed, so that was exactly what he did. But after laying there for twenty minutes or so, and not sleeping or even dozing, he sat up and looked around.

He hadn’t been this sober in years (and in the wild so to speak) and found the sensation bewildering. What on earth did he normally do? What was there to do?

He could watch TV, but the shows were just not the same and the movies were a little over his head. He half wanted to go out to a cafe and just sit and people watch. Did the room have a balcony he could look out of?

He got up and roamed around to the large windows, but alas, there was no balcony. So he settled for pulling up a chair and watching the people walk on the streets below and the river flow lazily below. The skies slowly darkened and the lights of the city turned on. It was almost like a moving painting, but eerie in the quietness of the observations.

He’d never really paid attention like this. He had previously used the time to just stare and think about his own problems, not think about the lives of those he was watching, all of them having no clue that Noctis, the lead singer of Ghostfire watched them from his posh and swanky hotel room.

But, that was the truth as it was today. He smiled to himself. Things could definitely be worse, but right now, he was content enough. When he felt himself slipping and nodding off, he thought about going to bed, but decided to get something to eat from the hotel restaurant.

Not up for socializing, he ordered room service. in the solitude of his room, with the news playing quietly, he ate and then fell asleep in the ocean of his bed.


	9. Past: Hollywood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis reflects on the success of the band and the decline of his life. Noct and Gladio have words. It is very unpretty.

Past: Hollywood

The sky was dark, the stars drowned in the light pollution from the city. Noctis sat outside, in one of the crappy lawn chairs they had found from a Craigslist ad when they first moved in to the house. The night was quiet, as quiet as Hollywood could be at 11pm and the air was warm, something Noct had yet to get used to.

The past few months had been insane. Booking shows all over town at all the small venues (and even some of the better known ones), requests for a tour by a new legion of fans, venues the US over had been begging them to come for weeks now. Ardyn couldn’t keep up with everything, even with an expanded team. Ghostfire was charting in the top ten for the last month and half.

It was surreal. And unexpectedly awful.

He’d always thought that this type of overnight success would have been an ushering in of a new life, one where he felt great all the time, and life was perfect.

It was hardly perfect. In a way, he wished it had never happened.

Today had been one of the worst days of his life, when everything should have been turning up roses.

Noct heard the back door open and he dreaded looking. He knew it was Gladio, and he knew what he’d come to talk about. They’d been fighting for a while now. At least a couple months, though it felt like ages. Almost since that night they first heard their song on the radio. He couldn’t say anything to the big guy without it coming out all garbled and wrong.

Overnight fame had sounded so good when they were in high school. Maybe it would have been different without Ardyn. Without Ifrit Records.

“Noct.” A simple word. A name. And the tone that meant he didn’t want to listen. Or wouldn’t listen. Noct didn’t turn to look at his boyfriend.

“Yeah?”

The scrape of the second chair came and Gladio gingerly stuffed himself into the chair. It groaned a bit under his weight, but otherwise held steady. He couldn’t force himself to look. He couldn’t bear to see the hurt he knew was written there.

“Noct, we need to talk.”

Without looking at Gladio, he nodded. “Yeah. But what is there to say?”

“What do you mean what is there to say?”

Noct jumped to his feet, all the anger burning inside him for the last couple weeks bubbling over. He looked Gladio in the eye, but couldn’t stop himself, even if there were already wounds he knew he inflicted there. “I mean what is there to say! You won’t listen, you won’t hear me, so there is no point in talking.”

Gladio remained seated, but he no longer looked at him.

“We’ve been talking and talking endlessly and it’s driving me crazy.” Noct took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. But it didn’t work. “Like what the hell can I do? We signed that stupid, piece of shit paper, and there is nothing we can do now to undo that. I wish I hadn’t signed it, if that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t make me feel better,” Gladio said after a long pause. “It makes me feel like shit. I miss us. I miss what we had and that’s all. I want to hold your hand in public like we used to.”

“That took a while,” Noct said, some of the fire fading. “But you heard Ardyn. You heard him, what he said.”

“Yeah, I fucking heard him.” Now he was getting angry and Noct was perversely happy about that. Finally some emotion. “A big fuck you. ‘Oh my dear boys, I dare say that I’ll have to invoke clause 34, you understand.’ And all that bullshit garbage. What do you want?”

“I want to not keep going over and over and over like this,” Noct said. “I’m fucking tired of fighting and getting nowhere. We are still a band, and if I didn’t want that, I wouldn’t be here. If you can’t go back in the closet, just until this shit wears down, then I don’t know what to tell you.”

Gladio stood up, and loomed over Noct, his teeth clenched. “I came out of the closet when we started dating. I fucking do not want to go back in. Do you even know the shit I had to go through just to be okay with myself? To be okay dating a guy?”

“You think I don’t know? I was there. It fucking sucks. What choice do I have? What choice do we have at all?”

“You know very well what choice you have,” Gladio said, venom dripping from his words. “You know fucking well what you can choose. But I get it. Don’t want to go crawling back to Daddy.”

“Fuck you.” Noct bristled and for the first time want to punch Gladio in the face. How could he not see? “This isn’t _just_ my choice. This effects Prompto and Ignis and they have just as much at stake if not more. This effects me, you, everyone. Prompto’s mom? Yeah, she needs medical treatment, or did you forget? How is he going to keep helping her without a job? Or Ignis? Did you know he’s putting his brother through school and helping his parent through immigration? Don’t even give me shit about anything. I know you well enough to know you’re helping Iris. I’m the _only_ one who doesn’t need the money. I’m not quitting _because_ I know how much the money can help. Has helped.”

Noct huffed and kicked a can away from him and almost stalked off. He’d been saying the same thing for weeks and Gladio never seemed to hear or understand the logic of his statement.

Gladio crossed his arms and took in a huge breath, readying his ammo. “You don’t know anything Noctis Lucis Caelum. You are a FUCKING asshole!” Gladio stomped around while shouting, his hands and arms pointed like weapons. “Do you realize how fucking bougie you sound? How ‘oh poor people’ you sound like? It’s the reason we’re in a shit world is because of people like you and your dad.”

Noct, more calmly than he felt, turned to Gladio. “How dare you bring him up. I am _nothing_ like my father. I haven’t asked for any help. I haven’t asked for anything.”

“And yet you have it all _prince_ Noctis.”

“Fuck you, Gladio. Fuck you.” Noct poked Gladio hard enough in the chest to push the behemoth back and hurt his finger in the process.

Gladio sneered back. “Last time you fucking touch me.” And he walked back inside, the door slamming behind him. But Noct wasn’t finished. He followed, angry and hot. He wanted nothing more than to shove Gladio’s face in all the garbage strewn through the kitchen.

“You know,” Noctis yelled out, not caring if anyone else in the city heard him. “That’s it. We are over. Done.”

“Fine!” Gladio shouted back. “Shoulda do it my damn self!”

“Good!” Noct screamed and stormed out the back, still seething and burning inside. He kicked rocks into the fence at the edge of the property line, picked up and threw one of the folding lawn chairs, and screamed a couple times—not caring if he wrecked his voice.

Once he’d let off the steam, he headed back inside. Gladio was gone, off to the gym probably. Ignis’s room was locked and he wouldn’t answer. Prompto opened his door though, after a couple knocks.

“Hey,” Noct said. “Feel like going out and getting shit faced?”

Prompto blinked at him a couple times. “You sure about that?”

Noct nodded vigorously. “Very serious. I’m sure you heard everything. I need a fucking drink.”

“You were kinda a dick, Noct.” Prompto half-hid behind the door.

“You’re taking his side?” He felt his blood boiling again, but Prompto just held up his hands in surrender.

“Nope, no way I’m getting in the middle. He was a dick too.”

“Well, I wanna go drinking and I’m not walking so . . . .”

“Fine, I’ll drive, god,” Prompto said, grabbing his jacket. “But don’t be an asshole to me, got it? ”

Noct took a deep breath. “Yeah, okay. Sorry about that, Prompto. Just been so fucking stressed out and he won’t leave me alone to think.”

Prompto shrugged on the jacket. “Not my problem right now, bro. Let’s get you some booze okay? Lord knows I could use some.”

“Yes!”

And so Noct directed them to one of the bars they hadn’t been to before, hoping to minimize contact with people they’d known in the past. Noct couldn’t deal with congratulations, requests, or anything else. Not today. Not many people knew where they lived or where they went out, and thank god not what they looked like without doing a google search or three.

The bar was rather quiet for a Wednesday. Noct immediately got drunk with three back to back shots. Prompto had a couple beers, otherwise babysitting him. Noct didn’t care. The liquid burned and slowly made him feel numb. But of course, he embarrassed himself by crying in the bar, which was one of the only things he remembered other than the drinks. Prompto took him back home after that.

By that time Gladio had returned home. As expected he had gone to the gym and Ignis had gone for a drive to escape when he’d gotten the chance to escape his room. Noct, barely functioning, registered that maybe that was a bad thing.

“So, you’re back, and drunk as fuck.” Gladio eyed Prompto. “Why the hell did you let him get drunk?”

Prompto shrugged. “I’d rather drive him than leave him to drive himself.” Then he immediately fled to his room and shut the door. Coward.

That left Noct and Gladio staring at each other. Noctis was sloshed and thinking was fuzzy and hard, but here he was. Gladio stood, his glare trying to burn a hole through him.

“What?” Noct slurred. “What the hell are you staring at?”

“I can’t believe that we were ever okay,” Gladio said. “Jesus fucking Christ. I’m staring at someone I don’t know.”

And then Noctis couldn’t remember anything else, the rest of the night gone. It was only later through several, very reluctant conversations, that Noctis learned that the fight they had early was nothing, **NOTHING** , like the fight they had that night. And Noctis couldn’t remember, but when he heard the stories, he knew the relationship was over, and he’d fucked up. It was a miracle that the band stayed together at all.

And the next morning, a very hungover Noct had to deal with the consequences. Very unpleasant consequences. That was the day they all decided to move out to their own places. Ardyn was the only one smiling at the end.


	10. Present: London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostfire finished up their tour in England. It's the last night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: References to rehab, drug use, and anxiety.

Present: London

The last few shows in England flew by quickly and the band finished in London. The final leg of a tour never really seemed this quick before, so perhaps the break was something Noct needed. He was tired and happy the punishing show schedule was over—too many shows in a short time to make up for the lost break. So far, he’d managed to keep with his rehab plan that his care team had come up with.

After the night’s show, Noct headed back to his room like he had the past few weeks. Even though he was tired, he was feeling energetic, for the moment. Fuck, the show tonight, the last show, had been so good. He’d felt almost back to his old self back before the fame. He’d been feeling a lot better than he had over the last couple weeks, even laughing at a terrible joke Gladio had made. It was like things were almost the same as they had been so long ago. And he forgot how much he missed those days.

Back in his room, he was coming down from the high of the show—he briefly wondered if that counted as a relapse. It was the last night here in England. Tomorrow he’d head back to LA and he was very ready to start making more changes in his life.

A knock on the door as he brushed his teeth made him stop what he was doing. He answered the door to see Prompto standing there looking too happy and excited. Noct knew the feeling though. Just thirty minutes ago, he’d probably looked much the same.

“Heya Noct,” Prompto said, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Was thinking that we should go out, you know like the good old days. No pressure or anything of course, but you know like I miss hanging like we used to.”

“Yeah,” Noct said, thinking for a second. He had been doing very good lately with his program. Should he test it by going out at all? Thinking about going out, didn’t mean he needed to drink or take any pills or anything. He couldn’t be afraid to go out. “You know, why not? I don’t have to drink do I? And we can celebrate the fucking end of this tour.”

“Sweet!” Prompto jumped up and down a couple times, way too excited and it reminded Noct of when they were in high school. “Fuck yeah, god it’s been a long time since we actually went out together.”

Noct grinned. “I guess that means I need to put on some different clothes. And it is London after all.”

“Damn straight.”

In a few minutes, Noct had changed and was mostly ready to go. He felt a little nervous, but didn’t want back out now. He was excited. And hadn’t his therapist said that getting out was something he should do a little bit of? Socializing was hard, but he couldn’t just stay shut up forever. So he steeled himself, even though warning bells were going off—they did need to be fine tuned, as they went off all the time.

They got a cab and headed out to a place Prompto had been to a few times. It was swanky place that had VIP balcony that Prompto had rented for the night. It had a nice view of the dance floor below.

The club was very loud and Noct felt instantly more anxious—even though the music was no louder than when he performed. There were a lot of people in the place, but one of the security staff guided them to the VIP lounge on the second floor where they could watch from above. It was still loud. A few people Noct recognized were already there in the booth, including a couple of the sound guys. The others were no doubt Prompto’s friends or hangers-on.

Prompto danced around the lounge like the social butterfly he was. “I’m so glad you made it out,” he shouted over the thumping of the music. “Awesome?”

“Awesome,” Noct echoed. He was already feeling very uncomfortable with the sound and the lights, but he clenched his teeth and made the rounds, saying hi to everyone there. As he acclimated to the environment, he felt a little better. Maybe there would be hope after all.

The local sound crew was polite to him, but he had a sinking feeling they didn’t like him. The other people he knew didn’t like him—it was the side glances and snickers. A few asked for his autograph, which he reluctantly gave them. What did he care if his chicken scratch made someone a couple bucks?

Prompto was partying and in his prime element. Noct had never felt more out of place.

A waitress came up to lounge, bearing a tray of full glasses. Noct was suddenly wary, on guard and feeling particularly anxious with so much alcohol. He’d never really been tempted like this before and he really wanted a drink to help with his nerves. Or at least what he though she brought alcohol.

But there were only enough drinks for everyone save Prompto and Noct. The waitress, who looked, from a distance at least, like Cindy, came up to them and asked what they wanted.

“I’ll have a club soda,” Noct said.

Prompto just grinned and clapped him on the back. “Nice. I’ll have my usually Evangeline. You know.”

“Coming right up boys,” she said, winking at them. No wonder Prompto liked her. She did the whole flirting thing with him that he adored and could just push them away to admire from afar, which is what he’d been doing for years. Did he still do that?

Now, the music was starting to bother him less and there were songs that he liked on rotation, so he felt a little more comfortable than he had when he walked in. And the waitress seemed nice. Maybe she wouldn’t judge him for not drinking.

Over the next hour, everyone in the VIP area had warmed up to him. He was feeling pretty good, though he was getting tired. It had been a long day. When he had to go the bathroom he left his club soda under Prompto’s care. But when he returned, Prompto was nowhere to be found. Some woman who’s name he’d forgotten had it. As he was thirsty, he drank.

And it was only after he swallowed that he knew it had alcohol. _Fuck._ He felt the warmth spread almost instantly, and the familiar numbing set it. And he wondered what the big deal was. He felt okay, still felt normal, but the thump, thump of the bass and the flashing lights were less annoying.

Then he really started partying. Noct felt amazing, he hadn’t had anything to drink in so long and the feeling was bliss. He felt fine again. No, better than fine. He felt fucking fantastic!

And he ordered another drink. And another. Prompto had been gone for a good thirty minutes, so he didn’t catch on to the the drinking until Noct had already had a few down the hatch.

“Shit, buddy, I know you didn’t want to drink,” Prompto said. Noct had been caught, and he felt a bit sheepish.

“I didn’t,” Noct shrugged. “But it’s so good and we just finished a tour. I feel okay. I’ll be fine!”

Prompto gave him a sideways look, but took his word with a shrug and they continued to chat, dance, and party for a little longer. It was getting late. Noct was having trouble walking, let alone dancing, and the world was swimming.

Suddenly, he felt like garbage. What he really needed was something to help with that feeling of being overwhelmed. And the only thing that ever helped were his anti-anxiety meds. And he didn’t have any more.

“Hey,” Noct slurred the words to one of his new friends, Steve? Dave? “Hey, I totally forgot to bring enough of my anti-anxiety meds before coming over, extending the tour and all. Do you know anyone who’s got some Xanax?” The lie fell from his lips so easily.

The guy nodded and said he could be back in like 20 mins with a couple. Noct thanked him and said he’d give him some cash when he got back.

It took less than 20 mins and Noct and the guy exchanged pills and money. Noct bought two, as they appeared to be smaller than his usual dose and tossed them back with little fanfare.

And that proved to be a mistake. The first half hour he was just starting to feel better until everything felt very heavy and he could no longer stand up and collapsed on the floor. He tried to get up, but couldn’t move a muscle. He could vaguely see Prompto rushing toward him before he blacked out.


	11. Past: Hollywood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignis confronts Noct about the fight with Gladio and finally tells Noct what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry! I forgot to post this last week, so you'll probably get two chapters this week :-*

Past: Hollywood

The breakup, just a couple weeks ago, had been very hard on Noct, as he only remembered the pre-drunk fight, and wasn’t sure that he’d been that much of an ass—no matter how Ignis and Prompto told him he had. He hadn’t talked to Gladio since then, no matter how hard he’d tried to initiate some dialogue.

And tonight was the first show that they’d all performed together. Gladio was out of the house. Ignis was thinking of moving out, and Prompto thought he might want his one place too. Which meant that the first show would be shit. Noct felt like his life was falling apart around him.

This was not how it was supposed to be.

Set up at the venue—a little theatre in Hollywood—had been a pain. Noct had barely made it through sound check. As the time for the show came close, he panicked a little more and decided to have a drink to calm things down, since he didn’t have in pot left.

And then it was time to perform. Noct shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to pretend this was just any other performance. He tried very hard to push aside his feelings of rage and abandonment to perform as normal. But only the more emo of their songs truly felt like home no matter how hard he tried—thankfully most of them were somewhat passive aggressive.

The hardest part was the one ballad he and Gladio had always sang to each other. From all those seedy bars in Portland to the first shows here in LA. The ballad that they always sang to each other, “The Heretic and the Broken Man,” in all those seedy, crappy bars over the years now felt stale and meaningless to him.

But he still sang the song. Gladio’s voice still joined his, though was less strong, more unsure. And they did not look at each other during that piece. At. All.

After that, he tried hard to just be normal. He sang his sets, still danced (horribly) on stage to the music—hoping inspiration would fill him again.

That night it never did. Every song fell flat. Everything just felt wrong and sounded loose and weak. And this was their last show before meeting with Ardyn to discuss their first tour.

The only saving grace that carried him at all through the evening was the audience. They had been amazing and energetic and Noct _had_ to perform the best he could for them. They’d paid money to see Ghostfire. They’d come out to see them and he had to respect them.

Noct had done his best to be the showman that they expected. Everyone, save a few patrons, sang along to the words, as if they’d memorized them—he knew that fervor, that love, but to this scale before. These were new fans though. People that had just discovered them on the radio. (All the older fans missed words, or got things a little off because each live show was a bit different.) The crowd tonightsang along with the precision of listening to the recording.

He felt even worse, because he knew he had given better performances even years ago. And these new fans deserved better.

After the band broke down everything from the night, Ignis came up to him and took him aside in the wings.

“Not to be an asshole, Noct,” he said quietly, “but that was not your best performance. You already know this.”

“Yeah, I know,” Noct said. “Nothing felt right. It just wouldn’t come and I’ve tried talking to him, but every time he just turns and walks the other way and _he won’t tell me why!”_

Ignis adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. “Uh, you guys fought really, really bad that night, uh, after you came home from the bar. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to talk to you either if you said those things to me. It’s been really tough and I’m going to try to be a little neutral because you are both my friends.”

Noct, still stressed about the performance almost blew up at the vagueness of Ignis’ comments. Seriously. No one would tell him what happened.

“So then what the hell happened? I mean, I know I shouted at him because he was being a big lumpy asshole and just wouldn’t leave me alone about . . . .” Noct looked around. “Maybe this isn’t the best place to talk about anything.”

“No, not it’s not,” Ignis agreed. “Perhaps we should retire and speak elsewhere then?”

“Yeah,” Noct said. He was a little frustrated at the lack of communication. In a way, Noct was surprised both he and Gladio had shown up for the show. If it had really been as bad as Ignis said.

But, Noct followed Ignis off the stage and to his car. He needed to find something to drive soon, as two cars wouldn’t be working anymore. The walk across the parking lot was silent and Noct felt like something terrible might happen.

Ignis unlocked the car and sat down. Instead of turning the engine of the car on, he simply sighed and looked over a Noct.

“So, you know you got drunk right?” Ignis started out, like he was trying to feel out the conversation.

“Yeah, Prompto took me out to have a couple drinks, take my mind off of things. I had a little more than a couple though.”

“Well, you got drunk. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Noct shrugged, thinking back to that night, like he had most every day over the last couple weeks. “I remember Gladio saying something like ‘You aren’t anyone I know’ or something. I mean, I barely remember getting home.”

“Ah, well. I thought you knew a little more than that. Apparently you were drunker than I thought.” Ignis gripped the steering wheel, even though the car was still in park. He looked out the windshield. “You had another fight with Gladio that night,” Ignis said, his voice was quiet. Ignis wasn’t smiling and his expression was very grim.

“Yeah, I mean I guessed? That next morning was shit.”

“A really bad fight with Gladio, Noct. I’m surprised he even showed up tonight, even though I’ve been trying to get him to stay in the band. What you said was rather unforgivable and I’m reluctant to repeat it.”

“What did I say?” Noct asked, frustrated and afraid. How awful had he been? Did he even want to know?

“Blacked out?” Ignis said, glancing over at him.

Noct shrugged. He had, an he needed to know what was said. “Just rip the bandaid off. The damage is done and I don’t even know what I did.

“God I can’t believe I have to do this Noct,” Ignis said. His voice broke. “Do you know how fucked up this is? How awful it is to have to be in the middle of this bullshit?”

“I’m sorry, okay, but how can I do anything about it if you won’t tell me?” Noct felt defensive.

Ignis glared at him. “The whole point is that you shouldn’t be having to ask me. Or asking anyone. I think Gladio made that point as well.”

“Big deal, I made a mistake while drinking okay? We’ve all been drunk our asses before. It’s never been a problem.”

“Well, now it is one.” Ignis gripped the wheel tighter, if that was possible. “Fuck it. No sense in trying to spare your feelings,” he said under his breath. “If I were him, I would not ever speak to you again.”

Noct was silent, though an angry, fearful ball of anxiety grew in him. Had it really been that bad? Had they been understating things?

“You hit him, hard. Over and over. You called him a ‘cheap piece of shit’ and ‘fucking asshole who doesn’t know up from down’ and ‘only worth a good fuck.’”

“I said that?” Noct felt his stomach fall. Bits and pieces of that came back to him, slowly and fragmented. He remembered the words and more. He remember screaming and yelling, after Gladio scolded him for getting drunk. “Fuck. I said that.”

“Remember some? You said a lot more than that.”

“Fuck.” Noct nodded. “Jesus. Fuck. Jesus. Damn.” Ignis was being generous. He’d tried to beat the shit out of Gladio. He’d tried to tear Gladio down, over what, being drunk? Because he was mad at Ardyn? Because he felt trapped in a shitty deal? If anything, he deserved much worse than that.

“Noct, you shouldn’t have—”

“I KNOW.” Noct covered his face and tried to breathe. “I know. There is nothing that I can do to make it right. There is nothing I can say or do.”

Ignis turned the car on. “Say you are sorry. In person. And mean it.”

Noct nodded, though he still felt like shit. “You’re right. I’m sorry I yelled, but fuck. Thanks”

Ignis shrugged. “You do that to me and I won’t hesitate to beat your ass.” But he said that with a smirk and so Noct relaxed a little, though coming from Ignis that meant he would. And he would deserve every kick.

“I’m sorry I put the band in danger. I know how much this means to you. To us all. I’ll hold my end of the bargain and work my ass off.”

“You better. Don’t expect to get back with him. Just apologize and not be a dick about it, got it? If you do that, then I won’t bother you about it again. If you don’t . . . you’re less a man than I thought you were.”

“Okay. Got it.”

The rest of the ride home was quiet and uncomfortable. Noct was thinking about that night, trying to remember more, but the little bits that Ignis revealed came to mind and brought more ugly truths that he didn’t want to see. Prompto, his best friend, had barely been talking to him either, maybe he felt partially responsible. Only Ignis had been willing to talk to him—which was more mercy and grace than he deserved.

Now, he felt isolated, much like he had when he first started high school and felt like an outcast. The senator’s kid. That asshole senator and his asshole spoiled kid. Until Prompto and Ignis and Gladio came along and treated him like a human being for the first time.

How did he repay their kindness? By being a complete asshole.

When they got back to the house, it was quiet. Prompto probably had gone out. Gladio didn’t even live here anymore. Ignis bid him goodnight before even stepping inside the house.

So he was left alone with his dark thoughts. They swirled around him, black and endless, like a flock of ravens. He didn’t want to listen to music. Didn’t want to play any games, didn’t want to do anything. Nothing made him feel okay, and Prompto had the weed stash.

Had it only been just a month ago that he’d been happy and in a good relationship? Had it only been such a short time? It felt like an eternity had gone by, but it hadn’t. Noct wanted to lock himself away and cry, but he couldn’t cry no matter what. He just sat on the couch, staring at the TV, feeling worse and worse, until he curled up into a ball and shivered.

He thought he heard someone moving around. He got up to look around, but it was just the creaky house. Finding himself in the kitchen, he remembered there was a bottle of booze in the freezer. And a few beers in the fridge. He started with beers, and he felt a little more relaxed. Relaxed enough to watch TV for a little while at least.

He didn’t remember when he feel asleep, but he woke a few hours later. Prompto’s door was now closed. And so Noct crawled to an empty bed, curled up and tried to cry. Nothing came up except pain. His throat was locked and his heart was shattered.


	12. Present: London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus cuz I failed last week. <3

Present: London

Noct woke up to very bright lights, and he wondered why everything was so bright. Where was he? The last he remembered was being out with Prompto at a club and . . . fuck. The room was lit overhead with fluorescent lights. The window looked out on a parking lot. Everything was too green to be LA, so he was still in London then.

Hospital.

Immediately he was angry at himself for having a drink. And at someone who made his non alcoholic drink alcoholic. He couldn’t control his emotions and he wavered between anger, depression, anxiety, and more he barely had names for.

Fuck.

His head hurt like a bitch and his arms burned. He tried moving but it hurt. He looked down at his arms and saw a few tubes going in and out. This wasn’t good.

He turned his head a bit to look around. Big mistake. A huge wave of nausea rolled over him and he had to stop moving. No one else was in the room. He really needed to know what was going on, more than that he was at a hospital and feeling like trash, but he couldn’t find the nurse button.

After what seemed like hours of torture, a nurse came in. Her scrubswere as bright as the room.

“Morning Mr. Lucis. How you feeling?”

His mouth was immediately dry. “Like shit.”

“No wonder. We had to clean you out thoroughly. A right mess, you were. Now, do you remember anything?”

He nodded. “Drank a lot, took two xanax.”

“Ah, well that’s the cheeky bugger that did then innit?” She clicked her tongue. “Surprised you remembered. Well I’ll take some measurements and then get you some thing to help. You’ll probably need to sleep more.”

By the time she finished with the diagnostics, he had fallen back asleep.

The next time he woke up, he felt a little better though still disoriented. He recognized Prompto right away, and then realized the other person was the doctor.

“—should be. Oh. Our patient is awake. How are you feeling?”

Noct groaned as answer. “A bit better.”

“Right, well the lovely Abby has taken care of you while you’ve been sleeping. She’ll be delighted to hear this. You should be all right, now that we’ve gone through the worst.” The doctor then explained how he’d be better in a few days and would need to remain in the hospital for a few days and then he should be okay to travel.

“Well, that should be it. I’ll be back to check later.” He left with a smile and a nod, in the impersonal way of medical staff.

Prompto had been twitching on the sides waiting for the doctor to leave.

“Oh my god, Noctis, I’m so sorry for what happened. I thought you’d changed your mind and then you were down for the count. I called an ambulance right away.”

Noctis half-waved him off. “It’s okay prompto, it’s okay. It was my choice to keep drinking and then my choice to find Xanax and then take it. It was all on me.”

Prompto shook his head. “Damnit, I could have lost you! It is on me. I should have been more proactive in getting you out of there once I realized what was going on. I’m really sorry.”

Noctis reached out and squeezed his best friend’s hand. “It’s fine Prompto, okay? I’m not mad at anyone other than myself. I’m a shit friend and a shit sober person.”

“Nope, no you’re not,” Prompto said. “Not gonna let you believe that. I shouldn’t have pressured you as much.”

“ _I made the choice,”_ Noct insisted. “I could have said no at any point and I didn’t. It’s all on me. Don’t take away my responsibility for my actions. I can do better. Just need to forgive myself for my lapse in judgment.”

Prompto squeezed his hand back. “Let me know how I can make it up to you okay?”

“Get me back to rehab, okay? I want to go back and get the help I need.”

“Okay.” His phone buzzed and he looked down to check. “I really gotta step out to answer. Last time I got in so much shit from the nurses. I’ll be right back though, okay?”

“Okay.” Not that he could go anywhere, being in bed and feeling like shit, he didn’t want to.

Once Prompto was out of the room, Noct felt that familiar black cloud coming, but instead of pushing it away, he embraced the feeling and cried. Cried like it had been years. He turned away from the door though, and let as much out as he could. The feelings churning since he first woke up overwhelmed him. He was angry, sad, afraid. He just wanted to be normal, to be back to how things where so long ago, just after high school when they had the pipe dream.

And here he was, being an asshole and almost dying. Though he wanted to live, a part of him still told him death was better, told him that his friends would be better off, but he screamed and told that thought to fuck off.

He heard familiar footfalls. Big, heavy, strong, even and measured. There was no way in hell he could face _him_ now. Facing him now would mean facing his past mistakes all at once. And he understood now, why Gladio had been so rough those last few years. There was a good reason for it.

Wiping his nose, he turned over to see Gladio, despite his intention not to.

The big guy was leaning on the doorway, his arms crossed and his mouth set in a grimace. Noct couldn’t look long at Gladio. It was too painful and he was so ashamed of himself.

“I’m sorry, Gladio,” Noct said, his voice rough and tired. “I’m so sorry, for everything.”

Gladio didn’t say anything for a minute. Noct snuck a glance. He could read that stony exterior and saw something he hadn’t seen in a long time: fear and sadness. There was no anger in his expression. But he was very quiet.

Gladio the moved to one of the chairs in the room and sat. He put his hands in his head and sighed. “I’m the one who should be sorry, Noct.”

“For what?” Noct felt so tired. But this was important and he’d been sleeping for a while at least.

“I . . . I’m not sure anymore. Everything. Anything. I understand how you felt, a few months ago. I just never thought about us differently.”

“It was so hard seeing you like that,” Noct said. “I thought I’d stopped caring, even to myself, but I knew I hadn’t stopped.”

Gladio barked a short laugh. “Yeah. I’m thinking I’ve been doing much the same myself. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. I bet I look worse though.”

“You look awful,” Gladio said. “It’s actually kinda scary. I mean, I’ve seen you super sick and hungover and everything. But not like this.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Noct said. “Not the first drink. All the others, well they were so easy. The Xanax. I was an idiot and I shouldn’t have done it.”

“You’re right. You made the choices, but it’s still unfair. It’s still hard. And, if you remember, you are supposed to forgive your slip-ups.”

“‘Because slip ups happen to everyone,’” he quoted. “Even after years it can happen.”

Gladio nodded. “Are you going to . . . ?”

“Be okay? I don’t know. I guess so. I mean, I’m awake now so the worst is probably over.”

Gladio laughed a little, a sounds Noct hadn’t heard in how long? “No, shrimpy, are you going to go back to rehab?”

“Oh,” Noct said. “Yeah. I think so. I should. I think it was really good for me. Overall, you know?”

“Yeah. It was something else. Guess just shows you money can buy a lot, when you have it. Undoes a little of the damage fame caused.”

“Maybe.” Noct laughed, but it turned into a cough. “I feel like death.”

Gladio looked sad. “You’ll be out of here in no time and we’ll get you back. Prompto’s a mess out there. Ignis is resting now. He was here with you most of the morning when he’d heard. Prolly give you a piece of his mind when he comes in.”

“As he should,” Noct said. “I’m so tired, Gladio.”

Gladio moved to get up, but Noct stopped him.

“Don’t go, not just yet. Please.”

“Okay.” He sat back down, looking a little awkward. “I wanted to apologize again for being an ass. I know I can be hot headed and stubborn.”

“It’s one reason I fell for you. You were so real compared to everyone else. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for so much. Especially that night. I never properly said how much of a shitty asshole I was. I deserved the shit for that.”

“Thank you,” Gladio said. “It was horrible, though I think I understand better. I’m sure I didn’t make it any easier. Shoulda been a little more understanding. We both fucked up.”

“We did,” Noct agreed. “We did. You don’t mind sitting here? I know it’s boring.”

“I’ll stick around until Ignis or Prompto comes back,” he said, crossing his arms. “Besides, I know you spent time at my side. A little bird told me.”

“Thanks,” Noct said, turning back to close his eyes and rest up. Despite sleeping a lot, or what he assumed was a lot, he fell back to sleep fairly easily. This time was slow and rather peaceful drifting on clouds.

It was some time later that he woke up. Gladio was nodding off on the chair, his arms still crossed and his head drooping to one side. Noct smiled. He’d forgotten how cute he was when sleeping in awkward positions.

Noct laid back once more, but this time sleep didn’t come as easily. He was a little bored until a nurse came and began to poke and prod him.

The man was quiet, though.

“How’s everything looking?” Noct croaked out. “Could use some water. I’m parched.”

The nurse smiled. “We’ll get you some ice for that. You’ve got saline right now to help with hydration. All vitals are coming back okay, but you’re system is still very stressed out. We’re probably gonna need to keep you here for another night or two before you can go home. Flying back to the US?”

“Yeah,” Noct said. “Most likely.”

“Hmm. Okay I’ll make a note of that for you if you need to stay a little longer. Flying might be extremely rough on you after this.”

“Whatever works best,” Noct said. “How long have I been here?”

He pulled out a chart. “Looks like about 15 hours. Checked in this morning at about 3 am.”

“Thanks,” Noct said. “Doc coming to see me?”

“He’s on his last rounds of the day and will be by to check on you and see how you feel. Okay?”

“Great,” Noct said. “Thanks.”

“We’ll get you sorted out.”

He finished taking the vitals and checking things off on his list. Gladio had slept through most of it. The man even showed him how to maneuver the bed to make it a little more comfortable, and work the TV too, though there wasn’t much on that Noct wanted to watch. He settled on the news but then almost immediately changed it to some comedy show.

Gladio stirred once the TV was on.

“Why you watching that garbage?” he mumbled. “Seriously.”

“It’s British, therefore it’s better, right?”

“Ignis says so.” Gladio shrugged. “Ugh, I feel like shit. How long was I out?”

“Don’t know,” Noct said. “I was out until just now, nurse came over and checked me out.”

Gladio nodded, checking his phone for the time. “Looks like at least an hour.”

“Doc’s coming in a bit.” Noct adjusted the bed up to a more seated position. “Shit. Sitting up may be a lot harder than I thought.”

Gladio snickered at that. “Yeah. I know that pain. Fucking sucks.”

“Right?”

Ignis knocked lightly on the doorframe, dressed as usual: his clothes immaculate and freshly pressed. He looked a little more tired than normal though. Weary.

“Noctis,” Ignis said. “I see you are up. Feeling okay?”

“Not really,” Noct said. “Doc’s gonna come in a bit.”

“Hmm.” Ignis rested his hand on Gladio’s shoulder. “Mind giving Noct and me some time alone? Prompto should be back soon.”

“Sure,” Gladio got up and stretched a bit. “Talk soon.”

Noct watched him go, feeling that sadness come back that had engulfed him earlier. Ignis pulled the chair up to the bed, closer than Gladio had been.

“So Noctis,” Ignis said. “What happened?”

Noct sighed, but he knew he owed Ignis the truth. He told him about the night, about the choices he’d made, the shame he felt. How he was sorry about the mess. Sorry about so much.

“I see,” Ignis said, adjusting his glasses. “I agree that we need to get you back to rehab once we are stateside. It seems to have helped tremendously. And you want to do a little longer than 90 days?”

“Whatever it takes,” Noct said. “I mean, I was finally feeling okay and now I just feel like shit again.”

“It’s not really that easy you know, right?”

“I guess. I mean, I know it’s not easy, but it shouldn’t be this hard right? I need something. Like a break.”

“Well, tour is over, and we aren’t due in the studio for at least a year. You’ll have the time you need to get better.”

“Ugh. So, what’s Ardyn’s take on all this.”

“He’s already back in LA. Don’t worry about him right now. Worry about you, worry about getting better. I’m not disappointed in you Noct.”

“What?”

“I’m very proud of what you’ve done so far. Of your reaction today. You’ve grown. I was worried, for a short time, that I’d lose you as a friend. You’ve been a little shit, an asshole, a dictator. You’ve been kind, caring, and open. I’ve seen the best parts of you the last couple weeks and it was almost like we were there, back in high school for a short time.”

“I wish I hadn’t ruined everyone’s life.”

“We made our choices too, you know. It has been rough, seeing us grow apart and fight. But I think we will be stronger for it. It’s been very hard for Prompto. He’s got too much ADHD to be addicted to anything and so he doesn’t understand. He’s been hurting, and I think he was just so excited to have his best friend back that he may not have realized how important it is to be away from these chemicals.”

“And you?” Noct said, reaching for Ignis’s hand. “How have you done?”

“I am not without fault. I mother too much and perhaps not for the best. I think we started out great. I think we would have been the same, the same wonderful people with our wonderful faults. But perhaps we would have grown apart, or grown tired, or resentful of stagnation. It’s all speculation, isn’t it? But no matter the situation, we made our choices and we must live by them good or bad and make the choices to get better. I’ve been focusing on myself lately. Been going to therapy and dealing with what I could myself, even been taking some cooking classes.”

Ignis paused, squeezing Noct’s hand. “I understand,” he continued. “Why you fell apart. The pressure to be the glue holding the band together was far greater than I expected. Once you and Gladio spilt and you started isolating yourself, I stepped in to try to keep us all together.”

“And you did, Ignis.” Noct smiled, wanting nothing more than to cry. Ignis _had_ done this for them. He had saved them.

“I did the best I could. I feared that I did not do enough. I now know how hard it was for you. Trying to deal with us all and deal with your own feelings. I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.”

“You did the best you could, and that is what matters,” Noct said. He was getting tired. All the medical equipment surrounding him suddenly felt heavy and obtrusive. He just wanted to go home. “I’m very tired.”

“Understandable,” Ignis said, patting his hand. “Why don’t I go tell the others to go get some rest. Shall I bring you something to read tomorrow?”

“Don’t you have a flight?”

Ignis shrugged. “It was this morning, but I’ve rebooked it to be in a few days. Couldn’t just leave you here all alone.”

“Thanks,” Noct said. “I’d appreciate something.”

“Of course.” Ignis waved. Almost as soon as he was out the door, Noct was fast asleep again, his momentary burst of energy gone. At least this time he slept peacefully.


	13. Past: Portland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct is visiting his father after breaking up with Gladio.

Past: Portland

Noct sat there, reading the morning paper, like he had so many times when he was home visiting. It was something that he only did when he stayed at his father’s house. And of course since this was the first time that he’d visited Portland since moving to Los Angeles, his father insisted that he stay a few nights—at least.

But his father wasn’t even home, at least not at the hour that Noct woke up. No, Regis was already out, doing . . . something. Noct rarely paid attention anymore to what his father was doing, except for the headlines that came up every now and then, or when Ignis told him some tidbit of the political climate.

It was willful ignorance on Noct’s part, at least lately. Today, he felt like reading the paper and learning a little of what was going on in the news. Besides, he knew his dad would come home and basically quiz him like he had all through high school. Why he wasn’t in DC was a mystery to Noct, but he rarely cared about why his father wasn’t at work. Sometimes he just took weekends or days, and maybe since Noct was in town, he’d come back for a few days.

However, Noct rarely wanted to be associated with his own father most days—especially since headlines often said “Congressman’s Son Front Man For Band Rising The Charts.” Perhaps he never could escape his past and his connection.

Over the last few months with the band’s music climbing the charts and beyond, Noct had heard so much speculation, especially about his father and past family life. He’d even read his own Wikipedia page. Not the band’s page. He had his _own goddamn wiki page._ It was unbelievable. Like who wrote those things? Someone had found out who he was (of course, he used his real name, so it wasn’t as if it was that hard to find info on him for real) and added the bits about his family. His father, his mother, friends etc. There was even a damn Early Life section. Like being in one’s twenties wasn’t still early life. He was surprised so much of the information was accurate, pulled from the few interviews they’d done years ago.

He set down the paper, having read nothing but headlines, and finished his breakfast. He looked outside and, though it was gloomy, he wanted to go for a quick run or something. Anything to get moving and get the fuck out of the house. There was never any good reason to stay inside for very long, especially at his dad’s house. Even as a teen he’d rarely spent much time at home, when his father was just a state rep, not in Congress.

He quickly changed into some exercise clothing he’d left here god knows how long ago and went for a jog around the perimeter of the estate. For good measure he ran a few times. Three and a half laps was just over two miles. That was usually enough to get him less stressed out. He reveled in the cold air as it slipped past him, stripping the heat from his body. He’d never really liked running until recently. Perhaps since the split.

Nothing like fresh, ice cold air after living in Los Angeles for a while where it was nothing but hot, even in the winter. He breathed in the beautiful, clean air. When he was done, he walked around for a minute to cool down.

The air had grown cool again, and he shivered. _Time to head in._ After coming in the back door, he saw his father in kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee and taking a bite of a danish.

“Oh, good morning Noct,” his dad said. He looked down at his watch. Always looking at his watch. “Though I dare say it’s barely morning. How’d you sleep?”

“Morning,” Noct said. “Slept fine.” He wanted to shower now, but that was probably going to cut into the schedule his dad no doubt had planned for him. At least that was probably true. “Should probably shower after that run.”

“Very well.” Again, he checked his watch, pretending to adjust it on his wrist.“I hope you’ll join me for lunch in a couple hours. We can go into to town, if you’d like. There is a new place I would like to show you. I think you’d like it. Besides, it’s a mini vacation for me.”

“Okay,” he said, feeling a bit cautious. Vacation? “Should be cool.”

His dad gave him a half-smile that he wasn’t sure was a good thing or a bad thing.

After the shower and getting ready, Noct came back downstairs, taking time to see things he’d missed this morning and last night when he’d gotten in.

Very little in the house had changed in the few years he’d been gone. There were still portraits of his old, dead family members. The only one he actually wanted to see was his mother’s portrait—no matter how painful it was to see her smiling. He missed her and wondered how his life would have been if she’d lived throughout his high school days and even to now. Would she have told him to pursue his dreams? Tell him he was being a spoiled brat? Maybe she’d have advice for him about Gladio and the mistakes he’d made.

Instead, he was just left with his father who seemed too busy with politics, his work, to do much of anything else. His father was on his favorite couch in the TV room watching the news, flipping back and forth between a few of his usual channels. Channel surfing news: awful. Sometimes Noct wondered about his health and sanity, but there was little he could do.

“Well, I’m all ready to go whenever,” Noct announced, stuff his hands into his hoodie.

“Why don’t you sit a moment,” his dad said, waving to a chair also facing the TV. “Let’s talk a little before we go out into the public and have to put on our pretty, happy faces.”

Noct groaned. “Yeah, I know. I guess I understand a little more about the public eye.” Noct reclined the chair. “Okay, what’s their to talk about?”

“Oh we’ll think of something,” his dad said. “How’s life down in LA? I don’t hear much from you.”

“It’s okay. Weather is always hot. I mean, the drivers are terrible.”

“Agreed.” His father sighed, maybe feeling like they couldn’t connect. “I also heard that you and Gladiolus broke up.I am sorry that it happened. As I’m sure it was . . . unpleasant, I hope you can find happiness again. I do want what’s best for you.”

“Yeah, we broke up.” Noct took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wanting to have any conversation but the one his father just brought up. It was still too fresh in mind and still painful. “It sucked. Sucks. Not fun at all.”

“What happened?”

But Noct was sure his dad already knew the answer to that question, but if Noct didn’t tell him or lied, then his father would put on a hurt face and pretend to care about that. Noct was pretty sure his dad kept an eye on him. Maybe he talked to Ignis or had someone follow him. He’d done that in high school, right after he’d been elected a senator.

“Don’t remember,” Noct said, telling a half-truth. “I was drunk when we broke up.”

“Drunken breakups are . . . difficult.” His father clicked his tongue and changed the channel to CNN. “That is unfortunate. I hope you remember what I told you all those years ago. I don’t want to see at death’s door going to rehab because of this obsession with Gladio and music. I’m sure you are too tainted now to go to politics, but I still have a lot of business connections. If you wanted to change tracks to something more secure, that is.”

Though his father made no comment on his drinking, he didn’t have to. His face was _concerned._ Noct still remembered the line he’d dropped not that long ago: _You in rehab, with tubes instead of veins._

“I don’t want to,” Noct said, still reclining, but he flipped his hoodie up. “And this music thing is my job. I don’t know if you’ve heard or not, but we are on the charts.”

“Three singles in the top ten,” his father said. “‘Whisper,’ ‘The Heretic and the Broken Man,’ and oh which one was it? ‘Angels and Demons?’ I think. Rather impressive of for a new band.”

“Yup. Which channel told you?” Noct asked, still buried in his hoodie.

“It was on Fox, believe it or not. Piece about how music is destroying teens and leading them to premarital sex. Absurd, but that’s how the conservatives keep their votes and their wallets full.”

After a moment, his father laughed. “I’m joking. I didn’t hear it on a news channel. I Googled it myself.”

“Consider me impressed,” Noct said drily. “I can retire now.”

His dad laughed. “Well, I have see you on the news too. Made the headlines at a younger age. Only good things, I hear.”

“See? Maybe it pays to be a rock star.”

“Maybe.” His father checked his watch and then turned off the TV. “Ready to go? This place is supposed to have the best dumplings on the west coast.”

“Yeah. Let’s head out,” Noct agreed.

Noct drifted through the car ride, his father driving and making small talk about his work, the latest developments, and more. Noct stayed quiet, unwilling to engage in deep conversation about his own life—the only things he thought about the band and Gladio. He’d gotten his own place and it always felt too empty now that he was used to living with his friends. And he’d been lonely without Gladio keeping him company. He didn’t want to tell his father that. Not now.

The lunch was at a new, hip, and pricey place in the Pearl District, a place his father had heard about a couple times and “just had to try it.” But Noct didn’t mind. The conversations there almost died and focused solely on mind-numbing weather information and other boring things. But it really could have been worse. His father had been mostly okay today, so perhaps this wouldn’t be a colossal waste of time.


	14. Present: Los Angeles

Present: Los Angeles

Several weeks after waking up in the hospital in London, Noct worked on a few letters. The relapse had hit him hard and he didn’t want to feel like a failure, so he’d returned to the program. In his small room, he sat at a familiar desk he’d spent so much time at before. It seemed like a lifetime and at the same time, it felt like just yesterday. He looked at the stack of paper he’d picked out. Each letter was going to be handwritten.

Of course, the kind staff had welcomed him (and his money no doubt) back. He had a different room, though it was furnished much the same as the last one. He’d been here for a couple weeks already, and already felt better about himself.

Today’s task sat before him: writing letters to his friends and family explaining his situation, why he wanted to change, and to ask for any forgiveness. He hadn’t done this last time. Apparently it was an exercise reserved for those who returned. And here he was, writing apologies letters to people. He did a little more though. Especially to Ignis.

The sun was out, and it was a glorious day. But Noct really wanted to get these done before his friends came tomorrow and the windows didn’t open for safety reasons. Prompto, Ignis and Gladio would come by for a short visit, though Noct couldn’t tell if they were all coming as one or separately.

And he still had to write Prompto’s letter. Gladio’s hasn’t been easy, but it had been the first Noct wrote because he thought it would be the hardest to write. He’d taken it to his therapist here and had her read it over a few times. Though not required, Noct really wanted her input. Rosa had been such a help before and now she was working with him again and it felt good to have someone to talk to again.

Though not a necessary step in the apology letter department, Noct wanted to make sure he wasn’t being a gigantic asshole to everyone. But with the deadline coming up for the visit and Prompto’s letter still unfinished, he might have to skip that part and rely on the lesson’s he’d learned from writing the few he’d managed so far. In some ways, the letter to Prompto was the hardest to write. He couldn’t find the words. Gladio’s had been a mess of words. Ignis was half-starts and erasing.

He set about working on the letter to his best friend, telling him some things he’d meant to over the years to start, then the shape started to form. Funny things, old stories, everything he could think of. He wrote that he was sorry for being an asshole, sorry for trying to burden Prompto, for making him pick a side, for so much. Mostly for bringing him onboard Ghostfire. And for using him as an excuse to stay in the band, for going along with Ardyn.

It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t well crafted, but it was heartfelt and he meant it. After a couple more drafts and last-minute corrections it would be done too, making all three letters would be ready for when they’d stop by tomorrow afternoon.

He stretched, feeling cramped at the desk. Though he still had a few dozen more to write, they could wait. He was going to call it quits for today and maybe go for a swim. It was unusually warm, and a swim might just do him good. After all, it had been his favorite exercise last time he was here.

The grounds were familiar, but the groups were different and he felt less like he didn’t belong and more like this was a good choice. Noct wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy, and this would be the place where that would have to happen. After all, they had helped a lot before—including him.

As he neared the lobby, the central hub of resident life, one of the female staff members pulled him aside. “There is someone to see you, your manager, but we generally do not allow business to take place here. Only friends or family that are supportive. Do you want to see him?”

Noct shook his head. “No way,” Noct said to emphasize his point. “Is he still here? Any way I can get out, escape?”

There was no way he wanted to see Ardyn at all, not when he was doing his best to forget about the more terrible things the man had done. Today or any other day for that matter. It wasn’t going to do him any good.

“I’ll have Johnny escort you back around to?”

“Right. The pool. Wanted to go for a swim.”

“Great.” She talked to someone, probably Johnny, on her headset walkie talkie like they were on set or something. Los Angeles was always a bit weird. “Okay, I’ll go tell your visitor that you aren’t available. We’ll make a note of that. Would you mind a message or letter?”

“Yeah, he can write something if he wants. I just don’t want to deal with him or see him.”

“Got it,” she said, making a note. “Okay. We’ll take care of you.”

“Thanks,” Noct said. A big, beefy guy, just Noct’s type, came over, and escorted him through some of the staff area to the pool. Once Noct was safely at the pool, he waved bye and headed back to the front desk. If it hadn’t been so long and if Noct wasn’t feeling gross, he would most certainly have jumped that man’s bones. Good god. Not fair.

That, and he wanted to go swimming. But he was an adult and could control himself—to some degree at least. It wasn’t long until he was in the pool, Ardyn complete forgotten until hours later, at dinner when he got his mail for the day. A letter from Ardyn, hastily handwritten on some stationary obviously provided by the facility, waited for his attention. Noct thought about throwing it away immediately but kept it to read later—just in case. It wasn’t urgent enough to open until he wanted to. Perhaps there would be something there that might be worth reading. But doubtful.

The rest of the night he spent in rec hours: going to movie night and then he journaled before bed—all non-work, self care activities as the program emphasized time away from work. Tomorrow, his friends would be here for a visit and he was dying to see them. Even if that meant hand delivering the letters.

***

The following day was quiet. Weekends at the facility were either very busy, or very slow. Today happened to coincide with an activity planned for a good number of residents, most of who had signed up weeks ago. Noct might have been there himself, had he been here to sign up. As it was, he had a few things he could do, but he was nervous.

But it was also a time for visitors. One of the few times that people could come visit. Noctis wasn’t the only resident waiting though. A few others were in the lounge or lingering in the cafeteria. It was almost relaxing to see that everyone else had a little anxiety about meeting with family and friends.

Of course, that meant regular staff to keep visitors on their best behavior. Noct wasn’t too worried about his own friends, but it was nice to have people about in case assholes like Ardyn tried to show up and bug people.

Noct brought a book with him, as he couldn’t just sit and wait in his room. He hadn’t really cracked the book open yet. And his favorite coach was out today doing activity planning, so he couldn’t just go do training or anything like that to burn off excess energy. So, inside it was. With all the other people waiting. He might have laughed if it wasn’t so silly or strange.

He knew they’d be here around one or so, and it was barely after eleven thirty. Still, he wanted to wait out in the lobby so that he didn’t have to be called down. Normally, he liked the lounge and atrium anyway, like most other residents.

But he did make sure to tuck himself in the corner out of immediate view should He Who Must Not Be Named return for another surprise visit. One of the downsides of having a large open area and the front desk in the same spot.

Noct had read the letter Ardyn wrote last night and had smiled. He was pissed about the revelation of rehab to begin with, and this second stint was just worse PR. But the worse PR for Ardyn, the better for him. And anyway he could needle that asshole, the better. Besides, he might get a little leverage with a thought that had grown in his head.

He read through one of the book Ignis had given him in London. He’d been reading a lot since he’d had the time between recordings. And since he’d isolated himself somewhat, it was easy to get in good, quality reading time.

After he worked through a good few chapters, he checked the time. It was a quarter to one, so he decided to mark his spot and put the book down. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He noticed a few new people down in the lobby now. A couple others had gone up.

Noct headed over to the front desk and reminded them that he’d have three visitors and to notify him if Ardyn showed up. He did _not_ want to see Ardyn.

“Thanks,” he said to the man working. “I’ll be waiting over here.”

“Okay Mr. Caelum. We’ll let you know when they arrive.”

Noct headed back to his hiding place, taking up residence again. He pulled over a magazine and flipped through a few pages, not really reading anything or looking at the pictures. It was just a motion something to do while he waited. Normally, he’d play on his phone, while waiting, but he didn’t have access to it much. Which lead him to consider why he was fidgeting and worrying pages.

He set the magazine down and went through one of the relaxation meditations he’d learned to calm himself down. Nothing like being keyed up and hyped to ruin the moment.

By the time he’d finished his breathing exercises and worked up the courage to see his friends in his current state, it was one.

He picked up the magazine he’d set down earlier and flipped through it again, waiting. They might be a bit late. Heck, they’d rarely been on time _before_ becoming famous—except for shows. That was the only time they were on time for anything. It just wasn’t their style. Though he wondered if it had anything to do with him. Maybe he was the perennially late one?

A moment later, one of the staff members informed him that he had a few visitors, and they were ready to see him. He got up and followed the guy to the front desk.

Ignis, Prompto, and Gladio all stood there around the front desk, signing in. Noct, despite himself, smiled. It was nice to see them again. No, it was _good_ to see them. Even if it had been just a few weeks.

But he waited patiently for them to finish signing in. He had all the letters in one hand and would hand them out before anything else, in case he lost his nerve.

Prompto was the first to notice him, and he gave a sheepish wave. Noctis waved back and smiled. He was happy. Truly happy to see them and it had been a long time since he’d felt that familiar feeling. How many years had it just been a slog through hell just to get through the day? At least then he never hated them. Usually.

In short order, the same male staff member that had notified him, took them to the garden just outside so they could talk and then they’d all have lunch at the cafeteria.

“Just like high school,” Prompto laughed. “Oh god it’s been ages since we were in school. Can you believe it?”

“Yeah,” Noctis said. The staff guy left back to his post. “So, we are doing these letter things. I’m going to give them to you, like I promised myself. You don’t have to read it or say anything unless you want to.” He awkwardly handed the stuffed envelopes over. “Just some thoughts and apologies mostly.”

Ignis took it, nodded, and stuff it in his jacket. Gladio took his and just awkwardly held on. Prompto stuff his into his jacket as well, but Gladio wasn’t wearing one today. After a moment of fidgeting, Ignis gently took it and put it next to his own letter.

“Anyway, thanks for coming by to see me and say hello.” Noctis cleared his through. “So, how was the drive up?”

“Not bad,” Ignis said. “Traffic was rather light today, owing to the weekend and hour of day. It boggles my mind how bad it is so much of the time.”

“It’s a pretty nice place,” Prompto said looking around. “I mean, I looked it up and stuff, but it’s nice. Didn’t really get to see much before.”

“Yeah, very peaceful,” Gladio said. “Kinda weird to be back and not be in the program.”

“I can imagine,” Noct said, laughing a little. “It is a bit weird to be back, but it feels good.”

“And how are you doing?” Ignis asked, rather like himself.

Noct took a deep breath. “Better, I think. Still feeling down sometimes. Still got a lot to work through, and the hospital stay weakened me a lot, I think. But I’m doing okay. Staff didn’t act surprised I’d returned. Nor did they accuse me of being terrible. They’ve all been very nice and forgiving.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Gladio said after a moment. “Nicest people here. Really care about everyone. One reason I picked it.”

Noct smiled. “Well, it was a good choice. I’m glad I’m back here. Really happy I took a longer break though. I think I really needed this. How’s the house?”

“Oh it’s fine.” Ignis waved away his concern. “I’ve a key and I’m checking occasionally. Had my housekeeper come by can clean up for you. It was a right mess.”

“Thanks, Ignis, appreciate it.”

“Of course,” he said, smiling. “Glad to hear you are doing well.”

“So . . . ,” Prompto said, drawling the word. “How’s the work going here?”

Noct shrugged. “Better this time. I even think I might want to write something. I’ve been itching.”

“Shit,” Prompto said. “For real? It’s been ages.”

“I know.” Noct wiped the hair from his eyes. “I really think it’s helping me out, you know? I’m finally talking about stuff, the therapy sessions are great.”

“Good to hear,” Gladio said. “I found ‘em useful too.”

“There is something you should know,” Noct said. “Ardyn came by yesterday to talk but I was ‘busy.’ Know anything about that?”

Ignis shook his head.

“Nope,” Prompto said. “Haven’t really seen him much since the tour was over. He left me a message the other day, but I haven’t listened yet. Why?”

“He’s plotting something,” Gladio said, his voice tinged sour.

“I am,” Noct laughed. “But nothing I can do right now about it. Just thought he’d come by to bug me about something or other that I didn’t want to get bugged about. Anyway, you wanna have a tour or just head to the cafeteria and get some coffee before we eat lunch?”

“Caffeine,” Prompto said. “I could use another cup or three.”

“Seen it.” Gladio shrugged.

“Coffee it is, then,” Ignis said, slapping his thighs and standing up. “Shall we gents?”

“Every time you say that, shit seem to go down,” Prompto grumbled as he too got up.

“Seems like?” Gladio said. “More like always does.”

They all laughed and followed Noct back inside. They all grabbed mugs and coffee and sat around a table in the corner of the room. The few people coming and going did a few double takes, before knowing better than to approach. One of the benefits here. Having an entire band was rare even here.

“Thanks for coming by today,” Noct said again. “It means the world. I didn’t think it would change anything, but it does. It’s nice to see you all.”

“It is a bit different, isn’t it?” Ignis mused. “I must say, we haven’t all been in the same place outside of a tour or a recording session, for what? Three years?”

“Close enough,” Prompto said. “It feels like forever and—”

“Like no time at all,” Gladio finished.

“Yeah,” Noct said, smiling. “I really think the therapy and work I’ve been doing is helping.”

“Good,” Prompto said. “I’d like to have the old Noct. Do you still remember high school stuff?”

“Yeah,” Noct laughed. “All the time, like it was yesterday or like it was centuries ago. I don’t feel like I’ve changed that much. Can you believe our ten year is coming up?”

“Sooner rather than later,” Ignis bemoaned. “Though for some of us, sooner than the others.”

They all laughed together and the rest of the hour or so they had together went quickly. It was almost like being back in those high school days. Noct was glad they came by, and finally felt like he’d seen them again for the first time in ages. Had he really been so shut off and callous and cruel? Had they all been waiting for him?

But he could see in the turn of phrase that everyone had changed too. Prompto wasn’t as carefree as he had been. More guarded, more controlling. Gladio looked tired, tired of so much. Like he’d been to the end of the world and just wanted to rest. Ignis was stiffer than he had been, more prone to lock up. But under it all, he could see they hadn’t changed as much as he feared. He had changed, even if he hadn’t felt like it. But there was some of his past self there too.

He’d become a monster, in some ways. Tied to alcohol primarily. And all he wanted to do now was recover, get better, get back to happy. While he owed it to his friends to bring them back to a happier time, he had learned it would be impossible. All he could do was focus on himself, getting better, and maybe, in the future, offer a helping hand.

Suddenly, the money, the fame, all of it fell away, felt unimportant. He could see before him a life where they had all gotten regular day jobs. Hung out on the rare weekend. Made trips camping in the woods. Celebrating marriages and children, reveling in the daily life of each other. Growing a little apart maybe. Retiring and watching each other’s kids grow up.

He wanted that for them, for himself. A normal life. A normal happy. Normal worries and fears. But that life was long gone now, traded in for music, fame, friends in the industry that regular people only dreamed of having.

The grass is greener on the other side, isn’t it? he thought.

When it came time to say goodbye, he hugged each in turn tightly and wished them a safe drive. They all promised to read the letters and Noctis could only wish they did. Perhaps it would help them heal too, as it had helped him purge the inner inadequacies of his own life. It was all he had, and it had to do.


	15. Far Past: Portland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter than normal. Might be a bit awkward, but one of my favs so far.

Far Past: Portland

It was a gross, rainy, drizzly day, like many in the Pacific Northwest. And a day Noctis would never, ever forget. The asshole son of “that politician” finally met someone who didn’t treat him like some freak.

Gladiolus Amicitia.

For high school the guy was a giant, clocking in at over six feet tall. And it seemed like he kept getting taller. And Noctis had stopped growing at 5’9” in freshman year. So there was little hope of him getting taller.

That day fell in Noct’s Sophomore year. Gladio was a year ahead, though he looked less like a high school student and more like a college jock. The meeting was more an accident that anything else, though Noct had been eyeing Gladio for a while.

Noct would steal glances across school to catch a glimpse of the popular jock—a cliché story if there was one. Gladio was friends with a lot of the other jocks, even if his sport, fencing, was considered “gay.” But he was also on like every other sport, too, so that might also have something to do with it. Apparently there were advantages to being gigantic in high school.

Noct was hanging out with Prompto, like normal, and Ignis, who Noct had befriended the year before (Ignis was quite kind when he was being picked on by some nasty jerks). And Ignis couldn’t stand by that, so he stood up the guy and they became friends. So it was usually just Prompto, Ignis and Noct during lunch. But Ignis had made a new friend in Gladio, both of them being on the fencing team together that year and sharing a math class.

So that day, Gladio had come up to them during lunch. Noct almost choked on his food. Gladio was so damn hot and it was like something miraculous was happening. The skies would open up and the sun would shine. Or something like shit. He was basically ripped as fuck.

“Hey,” were Gladio’s first words to him. “Mind if I join?”

“S-sure,” Noct stammered, unsure if this was really happening.

Prompto laughed at him. “Yeah, I’m not telling a mountain he can’t hang out with us.”

“Gladiolus,” Ignis said, gesturing to an empty seat at their table. “Good to see you. Didn’t think you’d stop by.”

“Nah, thanks for helping me out.” Gladio slid onto the bench, though he barely fit at the table. It was almost comical.

“We have Algebra together,” Ignis said, explaining for Noct. And Noct had no idea that Ignis, who’d been hearing half-romantic thoughts about “that junior guy who looked so much older” and how hot he was and how amazing he was. And Noct forgot that they fenced together too, but it wasn’t like Ignis said he _knew_ Gladio.

_Fucking Ignis._ Noct had been paralyzed for only a short time before he regained his sense of humanity and shook himself out of his shock. He was the son of a politician and could hold his own. Or at least should be able to/

“I’m Noctis, but you can call me Noct,” he said, holding out his hand. Gladiolus took it and shook it a couple times.

“Nice to meet you. You can call me Gladio.” He gave Noct a dazzling smile that nearly took Noct’s breath away. He could stare at that face all day and be happy.

He heard a giggle from someone. Probably Prompto. Definitely Prompto. Ignis had more self-control than that. Though he’d get shit later.

“I’m Prompto.”

Noct fidgeted and ate some of his food, still feeling a bit awkward. No one was talking like they normally did.

“Hey, you’re Regis’s kid right?” Gladio asked after sitting down and nearly devouring his food instantly. “I think I’ve seen you around?”

“Yeah, that’s my dad.” Noctis sighed. Well this was turning out just perfect. Already asked about his dad, a sore subject for any teen.

“I never judge people on their parents.” Gladio laughed. “Just on them.” Then he winked at Noct.

As Ignis would say: he was a cheeky bastard.

“How did you do on your test?” Ignis asked, trying to shield Noct from a little more embarrassment. “I think it was a little hard, but hope I did well enough. Really hoping to get into an Ivy League school.”

“I’m just hoping to pass,” Gladio said, shrugging. “It wasn’t as hard as the last test, though. Maybe studying helped? I’ll be excited if it’s anything above a C.”

“Whoa, I though you were like super smart or something,” Prompto said. “Like the only guy on every team and on the honor roll.”

Gladio shrugged. “Math’s not my strong suit. English is. Always get an A in that class. Really helps I like reading.”

Noct stuck his tongue out. “Ignis is always going on about some book he’s read. I mean I like reading too, but the school stuff is just lame. Give me a good adventure or something.”

Gladio shrugged. “Reading is reading, in my book.” Then he laughed. “Pun intended or something.”

Though that day had been a little awkward, Noct hadn’t fucked anything up and he’d met the hottest guy in school—so it was doubly good. And thereafter, Gladio joined them for lunch, sometimes inviting them to hang out with his cool friends. Just like that, Noct, Ignis, and Prompto went from the kinda weird kids to the suddenly popular kids in a matter of weeks.

Only a couple months after that fateful lunch meeting, everyone had all been hanging out at Noct’s. It was the biggest house and his dad was rarely home, so that meant they had free reign over it. And that night had been something to remember.

Ignis had his driver’s license already, and importantly a car. Normally, he was the driver. But Gladio had a car and license too, and that night he’d come separately. So when Ignis and Prompto had to go home, Gladio stayed a little longer.

After seeing off his other two friends leave and walking them out, when Noct went back to his room, Gladio was reading something of his. Well flipping though a book.

“It’s not a bad one,” Gladio said, brandishing the book about.

“Yeah it was alright.” Noct shrugged. “I still have so many to read though.”

“Well, at least you are reading something,” Gladio said laughing. “So . . . . I don’t have to be home for a while. Don’t really want to go home anyway.”

“Fight with dad?”

“Yeah, and as much as I love my kid sister, she’s being a pain. Junior High blues.”

Noct flopped on his bed. “Damn that shit is awful. I mean, I barely remember it, but they were worst freaking years. Everyone is all hormonal and angry about everything or crying all the time.”

“She’s normally super nice, but she’s changing and doesn’t always wanna do stuff like we used to. She says she’s too old to like go to the playground. It’s kinda sad, but maybe she’ll want to hang out again.”

“Maybe when Iris realizes that boys are hot and that you have a lot of guy friends.”

At that, Gladio threw a pillow at him. “I do not want to think about that. She’s barely 12.”

“And I’m sure will be boy crazy by the end of the year. Or next year. Then you’ll be a senior and she’ll be almost done with junior high.”

“Stop it. You’re corrupting her.”

“I met her once,” Noct said laughing. “I am doing very little to corrupt her.”

“Change of subject: what do you want to do? Movie? TV? Music?”

Noct sat up to look at Gladio, swiveling back and forth on the desk chair. “I don’t know. Whatever? We could play a video game or something too.”

“You and Prompto are the gamers here. Not me.”

“Right,” Noct said. “It’s weird that you don’t play. Even Ignis will jump in every now and then.”

Gladio shrugged. “How about a movie? Since you can’t make up your mind.”

“Okay,” Noct said, suddenly feeling a little nervous. “Is this the first time we’ve hung out alone?”

Gladio looked thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah, I mean for more than like two seconds.”

“Ugh, I guess this means I need to get up and head to the living room. After all that energy expending saying bye to Ignis and Prompto.”

“Yeah, guess so. You could have a TV in here, but . . . ?”

“My dad doesn’t think it’s a good thing to have a TV in one’s bedroom. Specifically mine. I mean I have a laptop, so whats the difference?”

“Good question.” Gladio stood up. “So, let’s go.”

“Alright, alright.” Noct rolled over and stretched a bit before

“Too slow!” And then Gladio swooped down, slung Noct over his shoulder, and carried him out of the room.

“You know I have legs that work,” Noct said, almost indignant. But also incredibly turned on. It was kinda hot to be picked up like he weighed nothing.

“Yeah, didn’t look like you were going use them though so I helped.”

“Helped?” Noct said.

“Yeah. Helped.”

“Well, I’m not gonna argue,” Noct said, falling more limp. “Not yet. Means I can be lazy.”

Even as he was talking, his mind was racing a thousand miles ahead, trying to figure out his own feelings on the matter. Gladio was a good friend. He was just a friend right? They’d only known each other for a short though it felt like an eternity.

“Since you were so indecisive about getting out of bed, you have to pick the movie.”

“Ugh,” Noct said and Gladio put him down. “Any direction on what genre?”

“I don’t know. Explosions? Fighting? Something cool?”

“Foreign films? I know my dad has a shit ton.” Noct surveyed the shelves. Cool. Explosions. What kind of movie . . . ? Then he found something that might do. James Bond.

“Bond?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah that’s cool. I like James Bond. He’s cool.”

So Noct popped Golden Eye into the player and got it going and set up. Noct sat on the other end of the couch, thinking it might be a better idea, since he was starting to feel a bit weird now.

Except: “Hey what are you doing all the way over there? I mean, I get it when it’s all of us, but I swear I took a shower today.” He even sniffed to double check. “Yup. All clean and not smelly.”

“Oh, I just thought you wanted space or something.” Then Noct scooted closer. And closer.

“I mean, really how am I supposed to talk shit without talking over the movie? Just sit next to me man, what gives?”

Noct awkwardly laughed. “Okay, okay.” And then sat next to Gladio. Who was like a giant heater. They’d sat side by side a closer than this before but it felt different on the expansive couch than stuffed in the back seat of a car. They didn’t _have_ to be sitting side by side. They could have been on opposite ends of the couch and it would have felt more normal. Right?

The movie had started and Noct was relaxing a little and let his head fall onto Gladio’s shoulder. Which he’d also done a lot of.

“There see? How are you gonna rest if you’re all the way over there?”

“Okay you have a point,” Noct said.

After a good twenty minutes in, Gladio wiggled around and poked Noct a few times.

“Hey, move over a little. Got the shoes off don’t worry.” And then there were legs over his and Gladio was lying down. If it was anyone else, Noct might have been pissed. In fact he was annoyed, just a little less.

Until: “Come on a lay down too.”

And Noct didn’t know why, but he knew if he laid down with his head at the other armrest, it would have been unacceptable. So he laid on top of Gladio, his head barely reaching Gladio’s chest. He had to admit, it felt amazing. He could feel Gladio’s breath, could feel his body, rock hard under him and tried to stop thinking about that.

But that was impossible.

Noct couldn’t pay attention to the movie no matter how much he wanted to or thought he should. It was noise that he tried to concentrate on, but Gladio was _right there_ and by God he wanted to do so much right now. He briefly wondered if this might be the definition of torture. Yeah, he still like Gladio. Fuck. He must have been lying to himself.

“You sure you’re comfy?” Noct mumbled. “I mean, I’m not that heavy, but I’m not that skinny.”

Gladio grunted. “Yup. I’m fine.” And then Gladio wrapped an arm over him.

There was absolutely nothing he could do about his boner. It just popped up. Instantly. Right into Gladio’s thigh, and it was super uncomfortable. Noct had to pull a stealth adjustment. Even still, there was no way that he couldn’t feel it unless his whole damn leg was numb.

Noctis wanted to move discreetly, will it away, but it remained, pulsating even and Noct turned beat red, thankful that Gladio couldn’t really see his face. He opened his mouth a couple times to say something, but just couldn’t get over his own embarrassment.

But Gladio said nothing. He was completely still, like nothing had changed. Then a big explosion came on the screen and Noct jumped a little at the sound.

“Scared?” Gladio said.

“Uh, what?” Noct sat up, trying to move a little lower, using the jump as an excuse to extract himself from an embarrassing situation.

“Hey where are you going?” Gladio said, also sitting up and stretching a bit.

“I don’t know . . . it’s just a little weird.”

“Weird? What do you mean?” Gladio looked a little annoyed and confused.

Noct turned red again. “I mean, how could you not feel it?”

“Oh.” Gladio laughed, waving that away. “Oh yeah that. I felt it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of you know. It’s a natural reaction to contact.”

“Oh my god, I don’t want to talk about it.” Noct felt really annoyed. He moved away from Gladio and crossed his arms and tried to pretend everything was okay. But he didn’t have much success.

Gladio had paused the movie and was sitting next to him. “Hey, sorry if things got a little weird for you. I mean, I know you like guys so it’s not like its a big secret.”

“Yeah.” But he didn’t elaborate or go on.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, not it’s not,” Noct said. “It just feels weird.”

Gladio sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel weird. I was just being normal for me. And . . . .”

“And what?”

“Well, maybe I like guys a bit too.”

“A bit?”

Gladio shrugged. “Maybe more than a bit. But it felt good to me.”

“What?”

Even in the dim light, Noct could see that he was blushing a looking a little awkward sitting there. So did that mean Gladio was gay or bi or . . . ? Not like it mattered.

But his thoughts were cut short instantly when he felt a large hand on the back of his head and hot lips kissing him awkwardly. And then his “problem” got worse. He was painfully hard. And he was kissing Gladio harder than he meant to.

Noct was angry and turned on and wanted to take so much of what Gladio now offered. The kiss was teeth, lips, even awkward tongue. But to Noctis it was as perfect as it could be.

“So,” Noct said. “Um, that was totally your idea by the way.”

“Yup.”

Then Noct kissed him. This was a little better. Less awkward. But he pulled off a short bit later.

“And that was my idea.”

“Totally.”

And then they were kissing again, this time learning as they went. Noct hadn’t kissed anyone before. So Noct learned through grunts and groans, through body motion and sound on what was good and right and what Gladio liked.

“Shit,” Noct said after a couple minutes. “I mean. Damn that was . . . unexpected. And good.”

“Yeah.” Gladio looked lost and dishelveled. “Why’d we stop?”

“Shouldn’t we talk about it or something? I mean right?” Though he neglected to mention his raging hard-on. God he wanted to just tackled Gladio and get them both naked.

“What’s there to talk about though?” Gladio ran his hands through Noct’s hair. Handsy Gladio was very unexpected.

“Everything. Like everything.”

Gladio pouted. “But I wanna make out.”

“But you didn’t before!”

“I didn’t?”

“You did!?” Noct almost fell over dead. “What?”

“I mean, yeah,” Gladio said, shrugging. “You’re really cute. I thought so the day we met.”

“But I thought you were just hanging with Iggy?”

“He’s cool. So’s Prompto. But I stayed cuz I thought you were really cute and maybe it’d be nice to hang out and kiss you. And then you turned out to be cool and not a dick.”

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“You’re so hot though. Like could have anyone at the school hot and I’ve wanted to kiss you so it’s just . . . unexpected for me that’s all.”

“Oh.” Then Gladio was laughing and then laughing harder and trying to catch his breath.

“What’s funny?” Noct demanded. “Come on. It’s not funny.”

“It is! We’ve both been wanting to kiss each other for like ever and are just doing it now.”

“Okay, you have a point.” And Noct was smiling. “It doesn’t feel funny, but it sounds hilarious. Like some kinda Shakespeare comedy of errors.”

“Someone is paying attention in English class.”

Noct crossed his arms. “Hey, am I not allowed to pay attention?”

“Unexpected.” Gladio stuck his tongue out.

After an awkward silence when they both erupted into giggles spontaneously, Noct said, “So, do you want to finish watching this or . . . ?”

“Or?”

“Hang out in my room.”

Gladio turned off the TV. “Come on.”

Noct got up, excited about what might be happening, and headed out of the room and up the stairs to his room. Gladio was right behind him.

“So, like it was okay though right?” Gladio asked. “I’m not super experienced.”

“I don’t know what to compare it to.” Noct shrugged. “But yeah it seemed fine to me, just less teeth or something cuz that kinda hurts.”

“I don’t think there is supposed to be much teeth in kissing, but I could be wrong.”

“Well, here we are,” Noct said, jumping on to his bed. “I’m not sure you’ll fit here though.”

“You have a bigger bed than I do at home. I’m sure I’ll manage fine.” Gladio was a little sarcastic, but, he did fit. Noct has always had a big bed since he was a kid. He may have been the only kid in school with a queen size bed.

“So, where were we?” Noct said.

“Refresh my memory.” Gladio was leaning over him, his face looming and so close.

And, like magnets, they were kissing again. It was something so different and so amazing for Noct. He lost himself in the sensation of lips, touch, heat. His shirt kept riding up, but he kept tugging it down.

“Hnnng,” Gladio said, teasing Noct’s lip. “Come on, I’m trying to take your shirt off. Quit fixing it.”

“What? Why?”

“Come on.”

“You first,” Noct said.

“Nope, you,” Gladio said, tugging on his shirt again. “I don’t wanna make you feel bad going second.”

“Ass,” Noct said, but he let Gladio take the shirt off.

And it came off easily. Noct felt even more naked than if he’d been totally naked. He was aware of how awkward and scrawny he was. “Just be nice.”

But Gladio was just staring and the expanse of flesh, dumbstruck. Noctis wanted desperately to cover himself and hide himself from that gaze.

“Jesus,” Gladio said exhaling. “Hot fucking damn. You are so beautiful.”

“Really?”

Gladio nodded. “I mean, I’ve only caught glimpses, but damn. Amazing.” Gladio reached out slow, like Noct might be made out of lava. And ran his hands across his skin. Goosebumps flashed under that touch. Gladio groaned. “So hot.”

Noct blushed and then tugged on Gladio’s shirt. “Come on, you gotta take yours off too. This isn’t a naked party for one.”

As Noct reached to help, though, Gladio had ripped his off. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me shirtless before.”

“I know,” Noct said, whispering. “But its the first time I can really look.”

And look he did. Gladio was there, looking his age for the first time since they’d met. He looked as young as Noctis. Like he was vulnerable. And he was so beautiful. Noct reached out slowly, his fingers yearning to touch flesh.

“You’re so hot,” Noct said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Unbelievable.”

“Yeah?” Gladio said, seeming a little unsure. “You really think so?”

Noct nodded and laid his hands on Gladio’s chest, letting his fingers trace the curves of his muscles and his ribs. His skin was warm, flushed, and his eyes never left Noct’s.

Noct moved his body closer and Gladio’s hands, sensing him close sprang to action and touched him just as reverently. And then Noct moved in, closer, and kissed Gladio, as gently as he cloud, as tenderly as possible.

That moment, he changed forever. That moment, the world stopped in it’s orbit. The sun paused. The birds hushed. Everything came to halt. And Gladio’s warmth was the only thing Noct could feel. Gladio was the only thing in the world. The only thing important.

Noct sighed after the kiss ended. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” Gladio agreed.

Noct fell back onto his bed. “God. You’re telling me we missed out on how much of this?”

“Couple months. We can make up for it, like for real.” Gladio lay next him. “I mean, if you want. No pressure or anything. ” Then Gladio’s stomach grumbled.

Noct laughed. “You wanna eat something? I’m kinda hungry too.”

“You got stuff here?”

Noct nodded. “And you can spend the night if you want to. I mean stay over or whatever. Like with me. In my bed. But like we don’t have to _do_ anything like—” and he’d turned red yet again.

Gladio was laughing. “No, I get it, it’s fine. And keeps me out of the house so . . . .”

“Not like my friends haven’t spent the night before anyway.”

“Yeah, well this is a bit different, don’t you think?”

“Maybe?” Noct said. He didn't grab his shirt but he got up from the bed. “Let’s go see what’s stocked in the fridge. Just hope its not all microwave or frozen.”

Gladio shrugged. “I’m easy to feed. Put food in front of my face and I’ll eat it. Simple as that. I’m no Ignis.”

Noct tugged on Gladio’s pants. “Only one way to find out!”

Noct led him out and down to the kitchen where they raided the fridge. Nothing but frozen waffles so Noct heated those while Gladio made them both some eggs “cuz they are healthy.”

After eating, Noct helped Gladio clean up the dishes, which might serve to make his dad suspect something. Noct very rarely did his dishes, usually leaving everything up to the housekeeper they had once a week. Yes, Noct knew he was spoiled.

“Well, it may not be gourmet but how was it?” Noct asked as they headed up the stairs.

“Good. It was food and I like food.” Gladio hooked his fingers through a loop on Noct’s jeans. It was like having fifty pounds trying to take off his pants. And he didn’t mind that.

“Well, I’m glad my reheating skills are up to par. I’m a terrible cook.”

Gladio shrugged. “Hey it takes some finesse to reheat things. But yeah. I could eat 24/7 and be happy.”

“I bet.” Noct giggled as he pushed threw into his room. It was getting a little late, though it was barely after 10. And he was feeling emboldened by Gladio’s early reaction. So he took off his pants, leaving him in his undies.

“Whoa,” Gladio said.

Noct winked, and then jumped in bed. “I figured there isn’t much difference between scrawny upper body and scrawny lower body. If you like one, you’ll like the other.”

“That I do.” Gladio sighed.

“You should join me here. It’s chilly right now. No pants allowed in bed. Well no jeans.”

“Fair enough,” Gladio said, he unbuttoned his jeans the slowly pulled them off and tossed them aside. Noct couldn’t really see much other than an outline, but Gladio had amazingly thick legs. “Like?”

“Very much,” Noct said, nodding enthusiastically. “So, gonna leave me here in the cold?”

Gladio rolled his eyes. “Maybe. It’s not awkward and weird is it?”

Noct shrugged. “I’m not thinking. I mean it could be, but we both like each other so.”

“Yeah.” He pulled the sheet back and crawled in.

Noct rolled over to face him. “I mean, what do you want this to be?’

“I don’t know. Maybe dating? Would you want to date?”

“Hell yeah!” Noct said, then he laughed. “I mean, like why not?”

“Okay,” Gladio said, looking a little pleased with himself. “Why don’t we try that out?”

“Should we tell Ignis and Prompto? I mean, if I don’t tell prompto I’ll be in the shit house for a long time. And it’s not like he wouldn’t find out when we are macking down on each other.”

Gladio laughed. “Yeah we probably should tell them about it. Maybe tomorrow at school?”

“Okay,” Noct said, then his brain kicked and told him it might be awkward for the super popular jock to suddenly be dating a dude. “No pressure of course, but like it just feels right. Like and school stuff.”

“It does feel right,” Gladio agreed. “Fuck school. Nobody is gonna mess with me.”

“Yeah,” Noct said. “Might with me. I guess I should have thought about it more. You’re not like Prompto going on and on about the hottest girls at school all day everyday. ‘Course Ignis doesn’t mention too much.”

“Prompto’s annoying sometimes,” Gladio said. “How long has he been doing that?”

“Since 6th grade. No joke. It’s a never ending thing with him.” Noct pulled closer to Gladio. He reached out again and took Gladio’s hand. “Your hands are so huge!”

“Well I am almost 6’6”. So my hands should be bigger than yours. You’re what, 5’8”?”

“5’9”. Don’t discount me too much. I need all the height I can get.”

“You’re so cute though,” Gladio said. “I like shorter. Something nice about it.”

Noct shrugged. “I haven’t given it too much thought really.”

“You are. I’m the giant freak.”

“Giant hot freak. Gotta add that modifier in there.”

Gladio smiled, a little sad one and kissed Noct. “I like you more already.” Gladio ran his hands through his hair, the feeling amazing for Noct. “You’ll be fine my little princeling,” he said, totally deadpan. “And my teammates know I’m not straight. They don’t care. Really hard to when I’m literally taller than like 90% of them and outweigh the rest by a good margin. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright, was just curious. You still hang out with them right?”

“Yeah, I really like hanging out with you guys too. If I didn’t I wouldn’t do it. Why all these questions though?”

“You’re like super hot.”

“And you aren’t?” Gladio smiled. “I don’t care what anyone else says. You are amazing, and beautiful, and funny. It wasn’t until I hung out with you that I realized that you’re more than just a pretty face.”

“You’re so sweet.” Noct ran his hands through Gladio’s hair.

“Ha, my sister doesn’t think so.”

“She’s a baby,” Noct said. He then leaned in more, and kissed Gladio. It felt natural now, like they belonged together, not weird at all. He entwined their fingers, squeezing his hand.

The talked for hours that night, in each other’s arms, in various random positions, kissing for long periods. Sometimes they just didn’t say anything. But Noct eventually fell asleep, cuddled close to Gladio in what he’d only dreamed of—and rarely at that. It was unbelievable and amazing.

Noct was dating Gladio, and he couldn’t stop smiling.


	16. Present: Los Angeles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day everyone! 
> 
> I really wanted to write something short and romantic to celebrate, so I'll have to do that later. <3

Present: Los Angeles

Noctis stared at the back gardens of the facility for what he hoped was the last time. He worked through so much of his past, brought up so many old wounds that had begun to heal. He hadn’t lived, really lived, and he’d missed so much. But he felt better than he had in such a long time. Almost as good as he did the day they first performed in Portland for a small crowd of like 5 people. There was something so innocent about that. All his life lead him here, to this moment. And it wasn’t a bad moment at all.

He had everything packed and a car to take him home. Ignis was back visiting family. Prompto was in Hawaii for a vacation. And Gladio . . . Gladio well, Noctis didn’t feel comfortable calling him for a ride yet. Maybe one day they would be able to more like friends again. For now, it was cordial acquaintance. And this time, it would have to be Noct that tried for the changes and let Gladio know he was ready.

If he ever could be.

So he bid the grounds farewell, said goodby to the staff he’d gotten familiar with. It was like taking off the training wheels, Rosa had told him. This would his second time on the bike and if he fell off again, why he’d be okay, he’d heal and get better. Sometimes it took more than two tries and there was no shame in that.

“Checking out,” Noctis said to the front attendant. “Kinda sad to go. Does that happen a lot?”

“Sometimes,” she said with a smile, then looking his information up. “I hope your stay was healing and pleasant.”

“It was, thank you.”

Then he was out the door, with little fanfare. He wondered why this felt so significant but was just another day for others. He waited outside on the porch, all his stuff with him. Even his cell phone. But he wasn’t used to it and though he’d gotten it back fairly recently, he wasn’t tempted to take care of anything. He knew he had a gazillion emails to wade through, texts to ignore longer and more. For now, it was enough to just be where he was.

Then his car came and he hoped in, the driver taking care of everything else for him. His job did come with perks. Or perhaps it was just the money that came with perks.

The ride home was quiet and uneventful. They took the road down to Malibu and along the coast. Noct watched the waves along the shore, gently brushing the edges, sometimes bursting up. It was a beautiful day out. But then every day in LA was beautiful. He watched as the sea slowly became buildings and houses and people. So many people.

Through familiar neighborhoods on the freeway and then up to the Hollywood hills where he lived alone. There was something different about the place. It felt so closed off, so large, so far from everything. Noct didn’t like all the hordes of people, but he did miss the camaraderie of being just one of many. He couldn’t blend in any longer, not with the fame he had. He almost hated it. In fact, he did hate it sometimes.

He longed to go eat at a local taqueria, or go to the local liquor store (though he thought, he wouldn’t buy booze anymore). Anything. Hang out and play pool at the local dive bar. He missed the normalcy of his life, the past wonderful things he used to do. Now it was just sit around at home a lot of the time. Occasionally post on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter.

The driver dropped him off in front of his house, and carried the luggage into the front door. Noct gave the man a large tip and waved him goodbye.

The house was dark and empty. He turned the lights on and stared at the place. He missed it and yet, he hated it. He wanted to move out. There was almost nothing here holding him. He barely lived here. Barely moved in. He spent so many days holed up in his room binge watching Netflix. And he could do that anywhere.

That was the majority of his memories. He came home from tours. He left for tours. He slept. He ate. He numbed the pain.

Noct definitely needed a new place. But that could wait awhile. He had to figure out what to do with his life, now that he wanted to live again. But first thing was first: take the luggage and unpack. That was the most important part. And it was easy to do. He unpacked everything in a few minutes.

“What to do now?” he asked himself, now that he was done.

He’d been meaning to call his lawyer, and now was good time. Wasn’t it?

“Hey,” he said, when the phone went to answer machine. “I know you’re not here right now, but this is Noctis Caleum. Call me back when you have a chance. I have a few things I really need to discuss with you. Let’s meet up for lunch or something when you can. Thanks have a good day.”

And that was it. Done. One things off his checklist. Next was another one. He wanted to call Gladio. That would have to wait.

He called Ignis first. “Hey, Ignis.”

“Noct! You’re out now?”

“You bet!” Noct said. “Free. It feels weird. I know you’re busy with family, but I wanted to check in. I’m doing okay I think. I’m going to talk to Gladio, or at least leave a message. See if he’s in town and wants to hang out or something.”

“I am a bit busy. I’m glad to hear you are doing better. Gladio might like that. Let me know how it goes. I’m very proud of you Noct. Very proud.”

“Thanks. Tell everyone I say hi.”

“Will do. Talk to you later.”

Noct hung up and then looked out his bedroom window. It was so beautiful today. But he was feeling so sad now. How did this day turn so fast?

He dialed Prompto. “Hey Prompto,” he said, when his friend answered.

“Nocttttt! How’s it feel to be free again?”

“Alright. Not sure what to do today.”

“Yeah gotta be weird. Hey listen, I’ve gotta run, but I’m glad you’re out and doing okay. We’ll hang out for sure when I come back next week okay?”

“Okay. looking forward to NOT A BAR okay?”

“Okay okay,” Prompto said, laughing. “We will for sure do something else. Keep in touch. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Alright, Prom. Have fun!”

And then his best friend was no longer on the line. Noctis was feeling a little over keyed up. But he still had to make one last call to Gladio.

Hitting the call button was harder than it should have been.

The phone rang a few times, and as Noct breathed a sigh of relief, Gladio answered.

“Hey, Noct.”

“Hey.” Noct smiled at hearing his voice. “Just wanted to let you know I’m out of rehab. Made it home. It’s kinda weird isn’t it. Going back to normal every day life?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know what to do. I can’t imagine what you’re going through though. You were there a lot longer this time.”

“I think it helped a lot,” Noct said. “But I just don’t know what to do today. Like being 100% alone is kinda scary. I was hoping you might want to like, I don’t know, go for coffee or something?”

Gladio chuckled. “Well, I was planning on taking an afternoon hike in a couple hours. You’re more than welcome to come along for some sweat.”

“Okay. Want me to meet you at your place or meet you there?”

“I’ll come get you. You’re sort of on the way.”

“I’m in the middle of nowhere,” Noct pointed out.

“Yeah, well that makes two of us. Trail is closer to you anyway. I’ll see you in like a couple hours?”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

He wrapped up the conversation and then sat on the edge of his bed. Maybe staying in would be a better plan? He was nervous to hang out with Gladio again. This might be the longest they’d been alone together in years. But then again, maybe it would be a good thing.

Noct got up and unpacked his clean clothes, and then worked on doing some tidying up, though he stopped after a few minutes. There wasn’t anything to clean, especially with a housekeeper that came more often than probably necessary.

But he still had time to kill. So he decided to do some coloring activities—which had been therapeutic during rehab—and listen to some playlist by a few fellow artists he knew. He really need to make a few of his own, but he was no good at putting together other people’s work. Prompto had been best at that.

The time past quickly and soon Gladio was at his door so he quickly threw on some hiking clothes. He rushed to answer the door, but Gladio was standing there patient.

“I forgot how monstrous your place is,” Gladio said, looking up at the building.

“Yeah, it’s an asshole building. It’s probably been a couple years?”

“Something like that.” Gladio sighed. “Shall we?”

“Yeah,” Noct said, jumping into the passenger seat of Gladio’s truck. “Thinking of moving. Selling the place. I just don’t like it anymore. It’s too much. I think I need to downsize.”

“Really?”

“Or something. It’s got really hazy memories and I really want a fresh start. You know? A new place for a new me.”

“Understandable,” Gladio said, getting the truck on the road. “I thought the same, but I like my place. It’s kinda been my sanctuary, especially recently.”

“Never used my place like that. I think it reminds me too much of my family estate back home. I think I need something that is 100% me for me. This obviously wasn’t it.”

Gladio laughed. “Yeah. Well, don’t rush things. And find a better agent then that sleezeball you had last time.”

“Ugh don’t remind me.” Noct sighed. “Shit for brains.”

Gladio just smirked.

Gladio was right about the trail being a little closer to his place. And it was sort of on the way. But Noct could just as easily have met him there.

They got out of the truck, the day warm, but thankfully not oppressively hot. Gladio threw him a water bottle and started out on the trail immediately.

Noct jogged to catch up. He’d almost forgotten about Gladio’s love of the outdoors and hiking. Was this the first time they’d actually done a hike together? Noct had only gone a few times because, “outside is icky.”

Noct laughed a little at his own past absurdities. “Sorry,” he said as an apology for laughing.

“Hmm?”

“Was just thinking that I’d been a bit of a dick in the past.”

“We all have.” Gladio gave him a little side eye. “Less talking more hiking.” Then he stuck his tongue out.

After a good few minutes, Gladio paused and drank some water, resting for a bit. Noct stopped too, panting more than he thought he would earlier. This trail was not easy.

“So being a dick in the past eh? How so?” Gladio asked.

Noct caught his breath. “Just thinking this is like the fifth time we’ve been hiking.”

“I thought it was less than that.”

“Maybe I’m counting all the outdoor stuff as a single category.” Noct laughed at himself, then coughing to catch his breath again. “I even did the exercise programs. Shoulda done more.”

“Nah, you’re keeping up fine,” Gladio said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do more like this when we were together.”

Gladio only smiled. “I suppose it’s better to hear those words now than never. Apology accepted.”

“And thanks for inviting me along last minute.”

“Of course. Time to go. No groaning until we’re at the top.”

Noct stifled another laugh and then quickly followed Gladio up the trail. In a way, he got to enjoy the semi-wilderness around him, the air was (mostly) fresh, and the views were spectacular. Even if he wasn’t talking much, just having company was nice. Much better than being at home alone.

They had a few more breaks, but Noct couldn’t do much talking. He wasn’t feeling sick, but he was certainly going to sleep easy tonight. And maybe sleep in tomorrow.

Once they got to the top, Gladio stopped. Even he was breathing heavily. But they had a commanding view of the valley below. Even a view of the ocean sparkling in the distance.

“Damn,” Noct managed. “It’s gorgeous.”

“Isn’t it?” Gladio said, finishing his water

Noct pulled out his phone and took a couple pictures. Even managed to snap a selfie alone and with Gladio. And had permission to post it to Instagram.

After all the pictures were snapped, they sat down for another ten minutes, mostly in silence. Noct was reveling in the relaxation of the moment after working so hard. He was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

They sat there for about twenty minutes when Noct stood up. “About ready to head back?”

Gladio sighed and got up too. “Yeah should be heading back. Wanna grub out when we get back down?”

“Oh my god yes. I’m so hungry.”

“And I wanted to say sorry for ever pushing about the outdoors stuff. But thanks for coming with me tonight. It means a lot to me.”

Noct smiled, wondering if he should bring up the letter. “I’d hug you but we are both pretty gross.”

But Gladio crushed him in a hug anyway. “Well, we have been gross before. Stage lights make me sweat like crazy.”

“Ugh. The worst.” Noct didn’t mention that they’d also done a lot more than be gross on stage together. They didn’t call it bumping uglies for no reason. In all, it was a bit weird to be on a hike, to be talking to Gladio like they’d never had sex before. But then again, they’d done a lot of hanging out before too, so he’d have to focus on that aspect of this.

After all, he’d changed. While he may have set out to make things right, to do better in hopes of getting Gladio back, that no longer mattered. Or perhaps it was because Gladio was back, at least back in his life. There was still an awkwardness and still something weird between them. Maybe he’d ask if Gladio read the letter later. He knew it’d be a tough read. But maybe he’d read it, and knew what had been in Noct’s heart.

And there was the breakup. Noct couldn’t address it straight out, not yet, and he was sure Gladio didn’t want to talk about it. Not yet at least. It wasn’t time to rip off that band aid just yet.


	17. Far Past: Portland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noct, Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto perform for the first time at the high school talent show. They perform a song by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

Far Past: Portland

Noct stood in the wings of the stage. Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto stood next to him. “Oh god, this is real and it’s happening isn’t it?” he said to no one in particular.

But Prompto answered him. “Yup.”

“Fuck,” Noct said. The whole talent show thing was supposed to be a joke. A fucking joke! No way did he think they’d be up for it. Yet here they were, about to take the “stage” of the gym, performing for the stupid high school talent show.

They’d been practicing, for like a couple weeks, one of Noct’s favorite songs at the time, “Face Down.” They’d learned the lyrics, the music, the timing, everything. Ignis, who only played piano, borrowed a keyboard to approximate some of the sounds.

“Our next number features a few of our favorite Eagles here!” the principle announced. “Please give a warm welcome to Starscourge!”

There was minimal applause from an unenthusiastic audience. Just another hurdle, Noct thought. Of course, they didn’t necessarily have to impress the crowd, Portland Freeze and all.

Prompto started with the drums and then Gladio joined in with guitar.

Noct took a deep breath. “Hey girl you know you drive me crazy!”

And then they were off. The song was quick, fairly upbeat, but had the dark lyrics Noct had fallen in love with. His favorite bands talked about all the things adults never talked about: abuse, drugs, sex, all the shitty things that happened. And they made him feel not alone. Now, he sung all that raw pain that he didn’t even know was there.

“Face down in the dirt, she said, ‘This doesn't hurt!’ She said, ‘I finally had enough!”

Noct sang his heart out, almost choking up on the lyrics with emotion. Prompto slammed the drums exactly as he had in practice. Ignis, of course, played perfectly. And Gladio, he strummed like the best of them.

“As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found!” Noct sang.

When they finished, they bowed and headed off the stage.

“So,” Noct said, wiping his brow. “How did you think we did?”

“Do not worry about it right now,” Ignis said. “Why don’t we go sit back down? They’ll announce the winners at the end. Which may be soon.”

“Oh man, how many people did you think entered?” Prompto said, wringing his hands.

“It’s not a big deal if we win or lose,” Gladio said shrugging. “We gave it all we had. That’s what matters.”

“Yeah,” Noct said. He followed Ignis back to their seats in the bleachers with the rest of the student body. They saw the popular girls do their impression of the Mean Girls Christmas dance. And someone attempt to copy Napoleon Dynamite.

Everything Noct had seen was fairly cringe worthy save a few acts. Some overly smart girl did a monologue from Shakespeare (which was actually understandable) and the campus pretentious asshole Hayden Greenstone “performed” his garbage poetry that he pretended was part of the gospel of Bukowski the Misogynist.

“Shit,” Prompto whispered to him. “Were we this bad?”

“Your mom always said we sounded great,” Noct replied, hoping he didn’t sound as worried. “I hope we didn’t cuz this is shit.”

“Mom is an angel and wouldn’t have the heart to tell us if we sucked. But then I don’t think she would think we sucked. She just thinks everything is great all the time.”

“True.”

After a few more underwhelming performances, the principle was back on the stage, if it really could be called that. It looked like the same platform they used for graduation with just a few curtains taped up to pretend it was more a real stage.

The school had a small theatre, but since the whole school was basically required to attend the assembly, the gym was the only place to hold the annual contest. Supporting the arts had been a big initiative a few years ago, and so schools were required to do some sort of arts showcase in addition to sports rallies.

“Well, I think we had some wonderful, amazing performances. Don’t you think?”

Half-hearted applause from the audience. High school students, Noct knew, being one himself, were not enthusiastic about much other than sleeping or free pizza parties.

“We’ve got our judges coming down in a moment with their final verdicts for this year’s winners.”

Of course, the judges were the cool teachers: Mrs. G., Mr. Holland, and Ms. Valerie. They loved the drama of being picked to judge, and after much “deliberation,” they headed down to the stage as a group. Noct, instead of feeling the usual antipathy toward the winner, was suddenly invested. He really, really wanted to win.

But he had to play it cool. Ignis was lounging. Prompto looked like he might bite his nails. And Gladio wasn’t even paying attention. Well maybe only he and Prompto cared? But he knew they all did. Just different ways of showing it.

“Well, we did have some very good contestants today,” Ms. Valerie said. “I do have to say, it gets harder to pick a winner every year.”

She passed the mic on to Mrs. G. “Tell me about it!” Then she laughed. “I’ve never seen such a talented bunch of students like you all. So, we have come to a decision on who should win this year. We’ve scored every performance for visual style, raw talent, performance, originality, and of course, stage presence.”

Mr. Holland took the mic when it was handed to him. “I wanted to thank everyone for participating in this and for all the audience for being here. Performing is difficult to do in front of an audience. I’d like a round of applause for everyone before we announce the winners.”

Mr. Holland’s call got a more vigorous response than the principal’s early plead. Even Noct was clapping. After all Mr. Holland was kinda hot, and pretty chill for a teacher.

He handed it back to Ms. Valerie. “And thank you to generous sponsors of the grand prize this year, Palm Estates Realty, Downtown Hardware and Company, and the Brooks Endowment for the Arts.”

“Yes,” Mrs. G. said. “Please make sure to take the programs home to your parents and tell them about the show today.”

“And now the moment you’ve all been patiently waiting for,” Mr. Holland said. “Hit it!”

The principal was on the drums, the actual drums, doing a drum roll. It was awful but funny at the same time. Helped to lighten the mood. Noct was on the edge of his seat. They’d done a really great performance right?

The grand prize was a scholarship for $1000 total and a trophy for each performance. The scholarship money would be nice. And the trophy would be cool.

All three teachers drew together, Mr. Holland still holding the mic. They already knew who won, and to keep it “honest” they would all announce the winner at the same time.

“This year’s winner of the Eagle Talent Show, is” another dramatic pause.

Noct remembered sitting through this a couple years in a row and was so annoyed at the theatrics of it. But now, he really really wanted to win. He held his breath. In a way, the dramatic presentation hyped him up more.

“Starscourge!” the three teachers said together.

“Congratulations to our winners. Come up, come up.”

Noct was stunned at the announcement. _Had they been mistaken?_ But he got up automatically. Ignis and Gladio responded immediately. Prompto got up last, almost half dragged from his seat.

“Shit,” Prompto said. “For real?”

Thankfully, that was under his breath.

They walked up to the stage, the teachers and principal smiling at them. The vice principal was there too, with four pieces of paper, and the trophy.

“Again, congratulations on such a fine performance boys,” the principal said. “You performed fantastically today. Got some talent there. Keep up the good work.”

Noct was numb, shook hands with everyone on the stage, and had to be positioned for pictures. All his friends looked equally dumbstruck as they had their picture taken a few times by the school paper and a local reporter.

After they were done with photos and talking to the newspapers, Noct finally came back to himself. They’d moved over to a corner of the gym before having to go to lunch and finish the school day.

“Shit,” Noct said. “We won. Yeah!”

“We won,” Prompto echoed. “That scholarship money, oh my god. I can’t believe it! I mean, $250 isn’t a lot of money, but it beats nothing.”

“Indeed,” Ignis said. “Well done, well done gents. We rocked it.”

“Fuck yeah,” Gladio said, smirking. “Well, my job here is done. You are now cool. No need for the Giant Meathead.”

“Or you are just super nerdy now,” Noct countered, half-punching Gladio in the chest. “Nerd.”

Gladio smiled and pulled Noct in for a kiss. “Well, we did it. Next stop, the world!”

“I think Portland might be an easier target,” Ignis pointed out, but he was also grinning ear-to-ear.

Noct grabbed them all into a hug. How had this totally random thought turned into something so cool? But did that mean that they’d need to keep meeting and playing? It was fun, wasn’t it?

As if to answer his thoughts, Prompto said, “So, we still wanna play right? I do! Hello? Someone?”

“Yeah,” Noct said, laughing. “Why the heck not? We killed it, and it is fun. Right?”

“I concur,” Ignis said, showing off his SAT vocabulary.

“I’m down,” Gladio added. “As long as your mom keeps cooking for us you know. Gotta eat.”

“Nice. You guys are the best.” Prompto cheered. “I needed that with all that’s going on. Thanks guys.”

The rest of the school day was a blur, but Noct had never felt so popular and cool. Other students he’d barely talked to in his four years came up to him and congratulated the band on the win. Even had a few choir people giggle and excitedly tell him he had a good voice. And the choir teacher sad he’d done well, but might want to take some voice lessons to keep his chords going.

All in all, it had been an amazing day. Performance had taken a little bit of his heart. He’d gotten the bug.


	18. Present: Los Angeles/Portland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot going on here. It's a really long chapter that could have been split up into like 5, but I think it works better as one. Sorry it's a little late!

Present: Los Angeles/Portland

Noctis, still sore from his hike with Gladio the day before, grabbed a table at the fancy hotel restaurant near his lawyer’s office in Beverly Hills. He’d been here several times in the past few years whenever he met with Sania.

He wore sunglasses and his traditional dark, near all-black outfit. And of course, he’d arrived a little early. Or was it on time and she was late? Noct never really knew with lawyers. At least she’d been working for him for a while and Noct trusted her advice.

When the waiter came, Noct ordered something for him, and something for Sania, as he knew she always got the same thing from the restaurant. It was easy enough to do that.

“Noct!” Sania said. She didn’t quite fit the bill of lawyer for most people. She was short with oversized glasses, though her suits were alway immaculate. And she was friendly, not at all an asshole like so many others.

“Hey, Sania,” Noct greeted. “How are you?” He stood up and shook the woman’s hand, then sat back down. “Hope this table is alright.”

“Oh, perfect.” She sat down and drank from her water. “Sorry, just a bit warm for me out, you know how it goes. Anyway, I’ve been doing some research on the case and I think we might be able to do something for you. If not now, soon.”

“Good,” Noct said, breathing out a sigh. “I need some good news.”

“Of course, of course.”

Sania pulled open her briefcase and took out some papers Noct was sure he would need.

“Well,” Sania said, restacking the papers into a neat pile. “Looks like I’ve got a mess going on. Sorry, sorry. But, ah, here. This is the nasty piece of work you signed for the label, right?”

Noct took the proffered document. “Yeah, this looks right.”

“Perfect. Great!” Sania rubbed her hands together as if she were cold. “There are a few clauses in here that we can probably invoke to get you out of the contract. It will not be easy, and we may have to take this to court. In fact, I’m 100% sure we will have to take this court. Record labels are loathe to let top talent out of their grip. But I think we can build a damn good case.”

“Okay,” Noct said. “Tell me what we need to do. I really want to get the hell out of this thing.”

“Well,” Sania said, taking in a deep breath. “We’ve got a couple clauses that we can invoke. It is highly unlikely that we can get you out through breech of contract on their part. We can, however, get you out via breech of your own part. They’d much rather just fine you to death than void the rest of contract. And waiting them out is just not going to happen. You’ve got at least four years left, and probably six with the albums they’ve got you lined up for.”

“Fuck.” Noct didn’t like that, not one bit. “But you said that you can get me out though?”

“Oh yeah for sure,” Sania said, though she was sweating. And it wasn’t that hot. “There is this super weird clause somwhere.” She flipped through the contract, searching for a couple minutes. “Here: ‘And the Client, shall agree that under circumstance of mutual beneficiality, agree to terminate this contract early. The Client can choose to pay out the rest of the contract terms with an interest rate of 5.78% per year on all future earnings and an additional fine of up to $1 million dollars. If both parties agree, this Contract can be cancelled before monies are spent or otherwise other terms are agreed upon.’ That’s in the really fine print. You may have missed it when you signed all those years ago.”

“What?” Noct said, looking at the line. It was in incredibly tiny print, on the 37th page, buried under a lot of other things. Noct didn’t even remember reading this much. “So a fine? You think that might help me get out of this?”

“Uh, there are some numbers to crunch. I took a look, but the numbers you might see from them will definitely be a lot bigger. My goal is to negotiate those numbers down.”

“So what are we looking at?”

“I’ll have to talk to your accountant for specifics. But I’ve got some figures that are probably close. You will still have royalty rights and payments for all songs and albums already released. Of course these numbers are an estimate and you can really do a lot of damage to them if you want. As things go, you’re looking at about $7 to $9 million at least to get out of this. They will over inflate and you’ll probably see about $10 million to get out.”

“And the good news?”

“Oh, that’s easy. We can knock that number down to about $4 million. It’s still a hefty sum, but with a massive social media campaign, you can threaten to advertise the dispute and get your followers to refuse to buy the music and send out letters to radio stations to stop playing. Record labels do not like this tactic and may be willing to bend a little on the price tag. Of course, this would require cooperation on the part of your band mates. Do you think they’d be on board?”

“Yeah, I think so. Would they have to pay the fine too?” Noct did not want to think of his friends having to pay that amount of money. “I’ve been thinking of selling my house anyway. The proceeds from that should be enough to cover the costs that I would incur.”

“They may be required to buy out the rest of their portion. If the contract is the same, then they may be able to resort to breech of contract with the label. Basically, even if you broke up, you’d still be under the contract, but it’d be a lot easier for them to get out. They may have to pay a fine too, but it would most likely be less.”

“And then I’m sure we couldn’t just turn around and form another band immediately, right?”

Sania laughed. “Oh, yeah. Hell no. You have a moratorium on producing music and performing live for two years, another financial consequence. They really want to punish anyone trying to get out. It makes good business sense for the high performers and the low ones can be kicked to the curb easily.”

“Even under a new name, and new members?”

“I think it would require payments, but I can work that out and get some sums that I think might be required. So, what’s your thought?”

Noct leaned back. “I really don’t see much of another choice. My life is pretty ruined now and I really do not want to work with Ardyn anymore. It’s just not good for any of us. I mean, rehab and addiction because of this shit.”

“Understandable.” Sania discreetly stacked the papers again and pushed her glasses back up her nose.

“But I also need to talk to everyone else. If we can pull out and everyone agrees, then it’ll be easy. If not everyone does . . . then I’m sure it gets super complicated.”

She nodded along.

Noct’s phone rang. It was Ardyn. “Speak of the devil,” Noct said to her, then picked up. “Ardyn, yes.”

“Ah, Noct, I’m so glad I caught you. I do need to meet with you soon. I know you’ve been released from the facility, so please, come by my office this week. How about next Friday? I am a very busy man. You understand.”

“Okay,” Noct said, surprising even himself. “I think I do that. 3pm?” He looked directly at Sania. She furiously looked around her calendar on her phone and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, next Friday at 3 should work for me.”

“Very well,” Ardyn said. “I will see you then.”

And then Arydn hung up.

“Thanks,” Noct said. “That might have gone south otherwise.”

“You’ll owe me for that,” Sania said, laughing. “Might need to reschedule a few things. We need to move fast. Do you think you can meet with everyone before then and see where they are?”

“Possible not meet, but I can talk to everyone and get a consensus. I think they’ll all say yes to the plan. I mentioned something that I was working on, but didn’t say what that might be.”

“Excellent,” Sania said. “Ah, lunch!”

***

Noctis set down his sunglasses on the table and waited for his coffee. The place wasn’t that big—a hole in the wall kinda of place. Because he’d been here a few times already, he knew he could have some privacy or private conversation without thousands of people trying to bother him—though that was more a fear than anything else.

Prompto texted that he’d be here soon, and Noct didn’t want to wait too long as he felt weird out in public alone. But now that he had everything in order thanks to Sania, this meeting should go okay. He only wished that it was easier to get everyone together all at once, but he needed to feel out the rest of Ghostfire before he ran his mouth and screwed everything up again. He’d done that enough already.

The barista, a young woman, served him his latte at his table. He thanked her before returning to staring out the window. Looking at his phone wouldn’t help either. There just wasn’t enough to do on it that could be done in a short time.

After doodling in his notepad and staring at the same potted plants for fifteen minutes, he was beginning to wonder if Prompto would really show up. It would be one of the only times Blondie hadn’t shown up at all. Late? All the time, no questions. Totally missing something? Very rare indeed.

Noct was about to call when Prompto practically burst through the door, looking frazzled. He wore his usually jeans and dark shirt, sunglasses covering his eyes.

“Hey!” Prompto hurried over to the table. “Sorry I’m a bit late parking sucks,” he said, his voice lowered now. “So, what’s with all the secrecy if we’re just gonna meet in a coffee shop?”

Noct smiled. “Did you want to order something? I don’t mind. What I have to say is either going to take five seconds or a long time. Depending.”

“You mentioned that,” Prompto said drily. He looked around the room. “Nice place. So, should I hear you out first or . . . ?”

Noct shrugged. “I mean, you can always get a drink to go.”

Prompto laughed at that. “Yeah, suppose I could.” After ordering something, he pulled out the chair and spun it around until the back face Noct and then he sat down and rested his arms on the back.

“Well, it’s about the band,” Noct said. “I’ve got something I’d like to do. It’s almost too damn late, but maybe it’ll help us out—as friends.”

“Uh,” Prompto said, looking around. “Sure this is the place to be talking business?”

Noct shrugged. “It doesn’t matter if any on overhears us.”

Prompto gave him an odd look. “So, what’s this thing we are talking about that is secretive and not so secretive?”

“I want to void my contract,” Noct said. “I’ve talked to my lawyer about it, and she’s found something interesting.”

“Oh my god!” Prompto twitched with excitement. “Just spit it out. No more drama!”

Noct chuckled and held up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. So, there’s only a couple ways to get out: breach of contract on their part, mutual agreement—”

“—Unlikely to happen,” Prompto said. “And they can’t be pegged for breach. We’ve talked about this before.” He sighed and looked defeated.

“Ah, but she found something else. I suppose it doesn’t matter that we couldn’t find it before. Basically, a giant, hefty fine of at least a million.”

“What?” Prompto looked up sharply.

“Sania crunched my numbers with my accountant, and it looks like it’d be about $7 mil for me.”

Prompto made a sick noise and looked at him. The barista dropped off Prompto’s coffee.

But Noct shrugged. “I want to sell my house anyway. I never really liked it that much. It’s always empty. But the thing is, the price tag for breaking is tied to sales and radio play. If we all mobilized, that could be a lot less.”

“So,” Prompto said, lifting his coffee. “Where does this leave us? What do you want from me? Ignis? Gladio?”

“This isn’t a decision I want to make lightly. If no one wants me to do it, I won’t. The only thing I ask is help with mobilization to get the penalties down. And one other thing.”

Prompto took a deep breath. “Okay, what’s the other thing.”

“Starting a new band afterward. New name, maybe pick up a couple people, change a bit. Depends on what we can and can’t do, but I think it might be a good idea.”

Prompto nodded. “Gotcha. I mean, this is a lot to take in a think about bro.”

“I know. You don’t have answer me today, but think about it.”

Prompto looked serious for a minute. “I’m in! I mean, I’ll help out. I don’t want to be in the band without you though. We make great music as a team, and I don’t want to lose that you know? But damn, it feels weird to think about. Are you sure?”

Noct smiled a sad smile. “Yeah, it’s not good for me, it’s not good for Gladio. I mean, as evidenced by rehab. I know we aren’t as close as we used to be. I’d rather have my friends than the music. I . . . made mistakes and I want to do what I can to make things right again.”

“Understandable,” Prompto said, clapping him on the shoulder. “It’s a big step. Thanks for talking to me. We’ll get this all sorted out. You talking to everyone else?”

“Yeah,” Noct said. “I’ve been musing about it for a while. I’m going to talk to Gladio and Ignis. Once I’ve done that, I’ll talk to Sania again and see if we can’t all get together for a strategy session.”

Prompto chuckled. “Oh man, I like the idea already. I miss us all being together, you know? I guess you do. Kinda like old times to fuck over You Know Who.”

“That’s one of the benefits of this plan. There isn’t too much that can be done, but I have to at least try. It may be too little too late, but I really need to make it up to you, to Gladio, and to Ignis. I’ve been such an ass.”

“We all made some piss poor choices over the last couple years,” Prompto said. “You’re doing good. Maybe I’ll reform and be a better person too.”

Noct grinned. “Yeah, we’ll see. There may be hope for you yet!”

Prompto laughed. “Maybe, maybe.” Then he struck a dramatic pose. “But think of all the hearts I’d break.”

They hung out at the coffee shop for a little bit longer talking about old times. Noct left feeling better than he had in a while. It was good to actually see Prompto and talk about some serious issues, but also have time to goof off. How long had it been since he’d had fun?

Had he been too damn serious this whole time?

***

Even after the slightly awkward hike, Noct was reluctant to call Gladio and set up a meeting. He didn’t want it to seem too formal or informal. In the end, Noct opted for whatever worked with Gladio with the stipulation that they needed to have a brief, but serious, conversation.

That was how he ended up having the second meal that month with the man he used to date: lunch at a local ramen place that Gladio absolutely loved. After minimal small talk, and ordering food, Noct wanted to get right to business.

“So,” Noct said, feeling nervous all over again. “About that serious thing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Ghostfire, about rehab, and all that. I talked to Sania and Prompto the other day. Ignis is still out of town, but I’ll talk to him when he’s back.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Gladio said. “This sounds a lot more serious than you made it out to be in text.”

“I’m sorry,” Noct said, fidgeting under the table. “I’ll get right to it then. So, I want to break out of the contract we signed.”

“What?” Gladio held his water glass halfway to his lips and froze. “Why?”

Noct shrugged, even though he had a good reason. “With rehab, with my mental state, I don’t think I can continue like this. Ardyn keeps pushing and, yes, you were right. We should have do this sooner. I’m sorry.”

“Go on.” Gladio set the glass down, and crossed his arms as he listened.

At that time, the waiter brought their food. Noct had to power through quickly before ruining the entire lunch.

The crossed arms meant he had Gladio’s attention, but that he was not comfortable at all. “I talked to my lawyer, Sania, and she mentioned that there is a few ways to get out: breach of contract on their part, mutual agreement or a giant, hefty fine of at least a million but closer to seven or eight.”

Gladio whistled. “Shit.” He had turned red. “I may have been under the impression it was easier to break than that. Unless we all have differing contracts.”

Noct shook his head. “The first is not going to happen, and the second is unlikely. But the third is very possible. But I wanted to talk to everyone first.”

“How are you gonna come up with the money?” Gladio picked through some hot sauces and dumped a dizzying myriad of heat into his noodles before taking a bite to sample.

“Sell the house,” Noct said. He stirred the steaming hot bowl, knowing it was still too hot for him. He waited for Gladio to put some hot sauce in his bowl. “I mean, I said I didn’t really want to live there anymore anyway, so no big loss there. I’ll have enough to be okay.”

“So why are you asking me if it’s okay?” Gladio looked up from his chopsticks full of noodles.

“Because I’m not going to leave if everyone wants me to stay.” Noct stirred lazily waiting for the soup to cool a little longer. “I know I’m asking a lot, and I have no right to. But if you want to help, you can support me by helping lower the fines with a social campaign against Ifrit Records and Ardyn.”

Gladio said nothing. Noct knew he was thinking and not to interrupt, but he had to say something a little more. The silence between them was too much, so they both ate and chewed for a couple minutes until Noct couldn’t stand it any more.

“And,” Noct said, quietly, “I’d still like us to play music together. In the future, after a break maybe, or when the dust settles, or when we are allowed to reform as something else.”

Gladio smirked. “What’s the idea?”

Noct shrugged. “I miss how we used to be, you know? Back in high school, or just after. I miss my friends. I miss us. Maybe it’s nostalgia, maybe foolishness, but either way, I can’t keep on with the way life is.”

“I know,” Gladio said, a soft, sad smile playing on his lips. “I’ve been thinking much the same. It’s not the same now, it’s not as fun. I don’t think I’ve had much fun the last couple years. Just not the same, as you said.”

Noct took a deep breath. “I know it’s super selfish to ask this, especially when we fought a lot about this very thing at the end . . . .”

Gladio looked away. “I think we both had good points, and we were both wrong. Thank you for that though.”

The rest of the lunch was actually fun. Noct remember just how much he’d missed Gladio. They’d been inseparable for years and it these brief connections were reminders of high school. Except Noct hoped to make fewer mistakes and own up to his decisions now. Maybe he’d finally be grown up enough to get a second chance.

***

After meeting with both Gladio and Prompto already, the only person left was Ignis, and Noct, for some reason, felt more troubled by this meeting. While convincing the other two in short conversation had been somewhat miraculous—probably less to do with his oratory skills and more to do with their own displeasure at the situation—taking to Ignis could be brutal. He was thoroughly logical.

Too prepare for the worst, as he decided to meet with Ignis at his house—home court advantage to the logical one was probably poor planning—Noct brought Ebony along for extra persuasion.

Four pack of chilled Ebony in hand, Noct rang the doorbell and waited a moment until Ignis answered.

True to himself, he answered the door in Ignis Casual, or business formal for everyone else (minus the jacket for formal wear). Seriously, he should have brought pajamas instead of coffee.

“Ah, there you are,” Ignis said. “Well, come on in.”

Noct followed Ignis through the door and to the kitchen. It had been a while since he’d been to Ignis’s place, though much looked the same. His house was large and spacious, well lit throughout, and homey. His family didn’t live with him, but they stayed often enough when he was home.

“How’s everyone doing?” Noct asked, setting the coffee down on the counter.

“Oh, they are alright. Ebony? For me?” Ignis played with the four pack, spinning it this way and that, rather lazily. “Trying to butter me up? Noct, you know that doesn’t work . . . well.”

Noct smiled. “I know, but it’s your favorite, so when I saw some I picked it up.”

Ignis carefully opened the pack and took one out. He motioned to see if Noct wanted any, but he shrugged—no need for coffee right now. He was already nervous enough.

“Well then,” Ignis said, pouring himself some of the black liquid. “You are right in that I didn’t have any, thank you. But I’m know you’re here for very serious business.”

Noct leaned against the counter, trying to look a little more casual than he felt. “Yeah, I’ve talked to Gladio and Prompto already. But it is fairly important. I want to get out of my contract.”

Ignis calmly set his glass down. “Oh?”

Noct thought this might be a bad sign. It was hard to read Ignis sometimes, but . . . . “Rehab, the fighting, it’s just not the same as when we first started, you know?” Noct ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, I want to try again. Without Ifrit, without Ardyn. I talked to my lawyer and there is a few ways to get out.”

“Yes, breach of contract on their end or ours.”

“Or buy out,” Noct supplied. “Sania told me there is a specific clause that I can use. Price tag is in the millions, so I’m going to be selling my house.”

Ignis looked at his coffee, almost like he was sad it was there. “So why are you telling me?”

“Well, I’d like to form a new band, when we can. Start fresh, be who we should have been all along. It’s my fault, so I’m trying to make it right.”

“Oh, Noct,” Ignis said. “We all are at fault.”

“What do you mean?” Noct asked, unsure of what to do next. Was there anything left to say?

“Just that we all could have done better at the beginning.” Ignis adjusted his glasses and looked directly at Noct. “But if you think you’ve got a good plan going, then let’s do it. I think we’ve all out grown Ghostfire. Maybe what’s next will be our evolution.”

“Yeah, exactly that,” Noct said. He stretched. “I think it would be a good idea for us to have a break from the madness.”

“Agreed.” Ignis looked around the kitchen and then glanced at the clock. “Would you like to stay for dinner? I always make too much food, you know. I’ve really been able to dig in to the nuances of cooking these last couple years—even took a few courses.”

Noct stopped. He hadn’t had anything Ignis had cooked for years. “I mean, yes,” Noct said after a second. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Ignis said. “Well, there will be a twist this time. You’ll have to help out.”

Noct chuckled. “I think I can manage,” he said. “After all, I’ve picked up a few skills since we last cooked together.”

“One would hope . . . .”

Over the next couple hours, Noct and Ignis chatted about the details of their lives, a little more relaxed than Noct was used to, but this felt better, felt almost the same as it had years ago. It wasn’t as though they’d really fallen out, but Noct realized he’d held himself back. Perhaps as a sort of punishment for the terrible things he’d done and said.

The food was excellent and Ignis sent him home with a few meals of leftovers. All in all, everything had been a success. But there was still one more person he had to talk to before everything could be set in motion.

***

The cool, cloudy weather of Portland reminded Noct of London, only cleaner and a little warmer. He had a car waiting for him, and didn’t want to see many people until he had a chance to talk to his father for a little bit at least.

The drive across the city toward the more suburban area was short and uneventful. The driver didn’t chat him up, and Noct briefly wondered if it was someone his father had full time or if he was just hired for the morning to drive Noct around (who was quiet capable of doing that himself).

Once they’d arrived at the estate, Noct thanked the man and got out of the car. His father stood on the stoop, wearing his traditional all-black outfit. His hair, however had turned silvery gray, and Noct was struck by just how old he looked now. It had been a while since he’d seen his father, and now, it just hit him: the man was old.

Noct took a deep breath and walked toward him.

“Good morning, son,” Regis said. “Welcome back.”

“Morning, Dad.” Noct shook his hand and then gave his father a terse, uncertain hug. “How are things?”

“Oh, they are fine. Still working for the people,” he said and ushered them both into the warmth of the house. The place looked much the same as it did last time Noct was here—maybe a little too static. “Come,” his father continued. “There’s some food in the kitchen waiting.”

True enough there was a nice little spread, probably a little more than Regis himself ate, but with Noctis there, more would have been prepared just in case.

“How was your fight up?” His father grabbed a plate and picked a few things to put on it, then took a steaming mug of coffee to his place at the table.

Noct followed, wondering when his dad moved from normal people food to this buffet of fruits and low-sugar looking breads. “It was nice. Quiet flight mostly.”

“Good, good.”

“So, no bacon, no pastries?” Noct said motioning to the foods on the counter.

“Afraid not,” his father said, a bit ruefully. “Not allowed to with this new diet my doctor has put me on to help lower blood sugar and cholesterol. Getting older is not easy.”

Noct sat down next to his father, a little more concerned than he had been. While they’d never really gotten along great, the man was still his father. Perhaps they could both change, for the better. But he’d hoped that before.

“Well, I came in to town for a couple reasons,” Noct began, trying to figure out where to start. “One is to say I’m sorry for letting you down by going to rehab.”

Regis waved his hand, as his mouth was full until he could speak. “No, no. It’s perfectly alright. You needed to go and you needed to get better. It obviously did some good. You look better than you have in ages.”

“And you’re not gonna say, ‘I told you so?’”

His father shook his head. “You already know why you went, why should I add to that guilt?”

Noct tucked in to some food and thought for a bit. “I’m also here to let you know some things before they hit the news.”

Regis looked at him, waiting.

Noct took a deep breath. “I’m going to leave Ghostfire, get out of my contract, and wait it out a couple years.”

“And?”

Noct chuckled. “And there might be a campaign to slow or stop sales and plays while it’s being sorted, so I have to pay less to get out.”

“Smart boy,” Regis said, giving a big smile. “I suppose some of those politics leaked out some, no?”

“A bit,” Noctis admitted. “Probably’ll happen in the next couple months. Just so you’re prepared for the inevitable news cycle when it hits. Might give you a boost in ratings.”

Regis rolled his eyes. “It’s been a long time since your name gave me a boost in the polls.”

Noct felt a bit awkward at that, and the two continued eating in silence for the reminder of the meal. After this, his dad would do some work, recover a little, and maybe go to a function in the evening for some donors, or a political event. Noct would probably be invited, and he might go. Might. He really was only here for a very brief visit. Plus, he wanted to grab something of Gladio’s . . . .


	19. Far Past: Portland

Far Past: Portland

Noct leaned on the doorframe of his room, watching Gladio sitting on his bed, looking like he belonged there. Even though he was almost too big to sleep in the bed, he looked at home there. Gladio turned to look at him and gave him a big smile.

“Heya,” he said. “Whatcha standing there for?”

Noct stepped into the room, his hands behind his back, not trying to hide the present very well. Being obvious sort of the point. He’d gotten something for Gladio, just because.

Gladio looked at him, then squinted. “Noct. I know you’re hiding something. I can see it poking out from behind your back.”

“Who, innocent ol’ me?” Noct tried, blinking for effect. “No idea what you’re talking about. Can’t a guy walk into his own bedroom with his hands clasped behind his back? What’s this world coming to?”

Gladio laughed and stood up. Noct felt dwarfed by comparison, but that was the fun. There was nothing like being in those massive arms when he felt like shit. Gladio took a few steps closer, crowding his space.

“No, he can’t,” Gladio whispered. “Someone might think he’s up to something.”

“Fine, fine,” Noct said, sighing dramatically. “You’ve caught me.” He took a step back and held out the immaculately wrapped present out to his boyfriend. “I saw this, and I had to get it for you.”

Gladio took the package, a little suspiciously. “What’s this for? It’s not my birthday. And it’s not a holiday.”

Noct shrugged. “I’m not allowed to get you things because you might like them?”

Gladio looked at him, his lips pursed in faux annoyance. “It’s a free country.” He flipped it over a few times in his hands. “It’s a book.” Then he slowly peeled the wrapping paper off. Gladio carefully thumbed the spine.

“I have this one,” Gladio said confused, but still smiling.

“Go on,” Noct said. “Open up the cover.”

It was a signed, first edition copy of the _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone._ Gladio stared at him, then looked back at the odd, flowing script of the author’s name, dried and bold on the page.

“Oh fuck, Noct. Jesus.” Gladio set the book down on the bedside table. Noct had stepped closer and Gladio pulled him close, between his legs. “Why’d you do this?”

Noct pulled closer, kissing Gladio’s cheek. “Because I wanted to. Because you deserve it. Because I know you’re a giant queer nerd.”

“I am not a nerd,” Gladio said. He set the book on the bedside table. “I just like reading.”

“And that makes you a nerd,” Noct replied, booping Gladio on the nose. “By default.”

Gladio laughed and pulled Noct on top of him, both falling back onto the bed. Noct giggled and kissed Gladio a couple times.

“No books,” Gladio said. Kiss. “No veggies.” Kiss. “Kinda stubborn and lazy.” Kiss. “Is this even legal?”

Noct batted at him playfully. “Whatcha tryin to say?”

Gladio just smirked, and kissed him again. “Thanks. I love it.”

“Yeah?” he asked, still unsure if it was the right move or not. It had been a pretty penny, but it was worth it just to see the look on Gladio’s face. “I hope it’s not too much. I know you like it.”

“You are insane, I’ll say that.” Gladio smiled and caressed Noct’s face with his almost too large hands. “Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

Noct giggled again and rested his head on Gladio’s chest. “I wanted to do something super nice for you. You’ve been so good to me. With you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“You’re literally eighteen, and teens aren’t supposed to be happy,” Gladio interjected. “I mean, but —.”

Noct kissed him hard.

“Sometimes that helps,” Noct said. “Keeping that mouth from running.”

Gladio was struck a little dumb, and Noct could feel exactly why. He grinned. “So, I suppose I make you a little bit happy?”

Gladio grabbed Noct’s ass hard and bucked up higher. “You could say that again. You make me very, very happy.”

In moments, faster than Noct could process, they were both naked on his bed, his door wide open and Prompto, agape at the sight, squealed, “I guess it went great!” and scurried off.

Noct was bright red, and Gladio was laughing, but still hard and still running his hands all over Noct—and Noct _almost_ forgot that Prompto had just seen them both 100% naked.

That time had been some of the best sex they’d had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me nice comments. It's been a fucking shitty ass couple days. <3


	20. Present: West Hollywood

Present: West Hollywood

Things had been going so well, Noct thought, standing in front of the mirror. He looked good, and felt much better than he had in the last month. No music, no Ardyn calls, Prompto was actually talking to him, and Gladio, well this was the night to see if he’d been right the last few times. There had been sparks again. Gladio had flirted back with him. Things were going, and they were going well.

Tonight, he was going to have dinner with Gladio out at some swanky, hip place he’d picked. Of course, Gladio knew it was part of the Sania’s strategy to help them win the case, or at least settle it.

And it also meant a night with Gladio. God he hoped he didn’t screw this up. Noct would pick him up and escort him to the restaurant in the middle of West Hollywood aka Boys Town USA. And it would be wonderful to see on the front pages of the tabloids and internet tomorrow. Booking a table in the front of the restaurant would be working wonders. Hopefully.

He looked at himself one more time, assessing his appearance. He wasn’t red carpet ready, but casual date ready? Or even semi fancy bromantic date ready? Hell fucking yes.

“You got this Noct,” he said to himself. “You can do this. And not fuck it up.”

Then he gave himself a winning smile and headed out.

It was time. Noct drove over to Gladio’s place. Once there, he got out of the car, and rang the doorbell, like a fucking gentleman. Gladio came to the door after a couple minutes.

“Hey, sorry I’m a running a little late. Come on in for a sec while I finish getting dressed.”

“Need help picking something out?”

And Gladio was pretty much naked, save his underwear. Of course, Noct had seen him naked a lot, but this was a little new. It had been a long long time since Noct had seen Gladio only in underwear. And he still looked so goddamn amazing. No wonder teen Noct, with all those hormones went crazy.

“Well, you are all dressed up.” Gladio appraised him quietly.

“Almost,” Noct said. “Not quiet as fancy as the Grammys good that was fun.”

“Yeah, a nice bright spot.”

Gladio beckoned him and then headed inside. Noct hadn’t been in the house in a long, long time. Now he wondered if Gladio had felt the same when he’d seen Noct’s place a couple weeks ago.

In his room, Gladio held out a couple pairs of pants. “Which one? Black or . . . black.”

“Well, you have to model them for me.” Noct giggled. “Or how else am I supposed to tell which look better?”

Gladio rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, which meant a the world of difference. He tried on a few pairs of pants until Noct decided on slacks that were form-fitting but also very nicely tailored. And the shirt ended up being a black button up with the sleeves rolled up.

Add that to Noct’s slacks, dress shirt and casual jacket. And the candles, and it was sure to create the perfect moment for the camera.

“So,” Gladio said once he was finally dressed, “I have a question before we actually go through with this.”

“Yeah?” Noct said, standing up and getting ready to head out.

“You aren’t just doing this for the lawyer or the tabloids are you?”

Noct turned beet red. “Um, no,” he said, siding on the honesty scale, trying on the new honesty policy. “No, I also thought we could have a romantic date.”

Gladio grinned. “Well, in that case you can pay.”

“And?”

“It’s about time you took me out on a romantic date, Noct. But this doesn’t mean we are suddenly dating again.”

“I understand that’s gonna take some time, if you even want to.”

“I’m open to changing my mind. To be honest, it’s been a relief to see you again. I forgot how much I liked hanging out with you.”

“I forgot how much fun we have being silly sometime,” Noct said. “I really like that we can have fun.”

“Agreed,” Gladio said. “Well, shall we go?”

Noct nodded and took Gladio’s arm. It was rather silly, walking arm in arm in Gladio’s house only to go to a hip restaurant.

But soon they were there, and Noct took the Valet parking offered—easier to do than search for parking in LA. He took a deep breath and nodded to Gladio.

It was time.

The hostess greeted them with a smile and then shock, and then a huge grin. “Welcome to L’Argent,” she said, checking the reservation list.

Noctis, smooth from doing this so many times, said, “It’s under Black Night.”

She smiled and nodded. “Ah, yes. If you could follow me, please?”

Noct and Gladio followed her. Low electronic dance music, played just loud enough to hear, but not to drown conversation. Young, powerful people dressed to impress mingled in small groups.

She lead them to the front patio facing the street. It was a beautiful night out, and the street was more a walking street than a driving street.

Plus, it would really drive the point home to Ardyn and Ifrit Records. And the tabloids would have a field day, with help from a few well-placed tips. Already, Noct was having a good time.

The hostess sat them with a grin. She poured them water and wished them a great evening.

“Place is nice, shit,” Gladio said, then laughed. “Damn. Already cussing like it’s church.”

Noct chuckled. “Yeah, haven’t been here before, but got a few recommendations for it. Kinda cool though.”

He looked over his menu, humming to himself. They had a lot of really interesting items, strange combinations, but all seemed good. He leaned toward something probably unpronounceable.

“What are you thinking of getting?” he asked.

Gladio didn’t look up. “I don’t know, might get something fish. Those Baja-inspired cuisine ones look really good. Otherwise I’m thinking of the flat steak, sounds interesting. Since you’re paying though . . . .” He laughed.

“I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t get,” Noct said flipped over the menu. “But yeah, that burger is looking insane for me.”

“Ooh,” Gladio said, looking over the menu. “Might have to come back to try that. Or steal some from you.”

“No way, a bite for you is like a meal for me.”

Gladio laughed. “Yeah, yeah, point out that the big guy just eats everything in sight.”

“Okay,” Noct said taking a dramatic breathe.

Gladio laughed, and set down the menu. “Okay, okay, yeah. In that case,” he grinned. “Might need to order several things.”

Noct stuck out his tongue. “Like I said, not gonna tell you what’s okay to order.”

Soon, a waiter came to their table. “I’m Walter, how are you gentlemen doing this evening?”

“Great thanks,” Noct said.

Gladio nodded.

“Have you had a chance to look over the menu?” They both nodded. “Great! Do you have any questions or want to put in a few drinks or appetizers?”

Noct looked to Gladio.

“Baja tacos or flat steak?”

Always one to get to the damn point. Noct wanted to laugh. Instead, he smiled.

“Ooh, that’s real hard,” Walter said. “Like ‘em both. Tacos are lighter, bursting with flavor. The steak is heartier, and has more rich flavors. Depends on what you are thinking of ordering, you know?”

“Right.” Gladio waved over to Noct. “Gimme a sec to think.”

“For you?”

“Burger, all the way. Extra fries, please. Add bacon.”

“Nice, how’d you like it cooked?”

“Medium, thanks.”

Walter turned back to Gladio.

“I’ll do the steak, sounds good. Medium rare, please.”

“Great. Anything to drink? A wine or cocktail?”

“No, thank you,” Gladio said.

Noct shook his head in agreement.

After Walter had made his retreat, Noct turned to Gladio. “Fuck, I forgot about that. Never really made much out of it, you know?”

“Yeah,” Gladio said. “Might have to start looking into sparkling water or something. Or Italian soda or something. Might make it easier.”

“I’m probably just going to unapologetically get soda or water.”

They sat in silence for a moment, watching passersby on the sidewalk and waiting outside. A few flashes from cars across the street made Noct smile.

“So, is this romantic enough?” Gladio asked. He probably noticed the flashes too.

“Isn’t that my line?” Noct said. “I mean, after all, isn’t that what you wanted anyway?”

“Touché. 8/10 somewhat romantic. Lacking flowers, white tablecloths and old-timey French music.”

“Well, who knows, flowers might be coming.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. “You know me better than to know I’d want flowers.”

“I know you well enough to know which ones you like though.”

“Well, shit, you do,” Gladio said. “I forgot about that.”

“I wonder if you forgot anything else,” Noct said, figuring this was a good time to bring up something he’d brought with him and managed to sneak in. “I went to my dad’s place fairly recently and picked up something.”

“Huh?” Gladio leaned forward. “What did I leave there?”

Noct pulled a paper-wrapped package from his jacket. “This. I was gonna wait to give it to you until later, but I figure since we were sort of half-talking about it . . . .” He handed it over to Gladio. “You left it there when we moved down here.”

Gladio took it, feeling it’s weight, a puzzled look on his face. “It’s a book.”

“Yeah,” Noct said. “It is a book. Go ahead and open it.”

Gladio grinned, a mischievous look. “Looks like dinner is on it’s way. I’ll open it later.”

Noct rolled his eyes, but smiled. As much as he wanted Gladio to open it, the gift wasn’t really about Noct. Or shouldn’t have been. But he wanted Gladio to have the book again.

Walter set piping hot food in front of them. Noct’s burger looked divine. Gladio’s steak looked perfectly cooked. But looks were only a minor portion of the food experience.

Noct took a huge bite and almost died. It was juicy, cooked exactly how he wanted it, and bursting with complimentary flavors. He sat back in his chair, his eyes closed.

“Fuck, it’s damn good,” Noct said. “Bun is just spongey enough.”

Gladio looked just as satisfied. “Yeah, this steak is amazing. Tender, juicy, spiced really well too.” Gladio took a bite of his sliced potatoes and groaned. “Shit. So good.”

The book momentarily lay forgotten on the table, both savoring their dinner. It only took a short time for them to finish. Noct did try to savor it a little more, since there was no hurry to get to anything else. And this was turning out to be more fun than he’d thought.

Once Walter collected their dinner he came back after a moment. “We’d like to serve this on the house,” he said, bringing a decadent piece of chocolate cake. “Emily, our hostess, is a big fan of yours and wanted to say thanks for making great music.”

Noct smiled. “Oh thank you so much. I appreciate the gesture, that is so sweet of her.”

“Yes, thank you.” Gladio jumped in. “We appreciate all our fans.”

He smiled. “I’ll let her know.”

After he’d gone, Gladio turned to Noct. “We should say something when we leave.”

“Yeah,” Noct said. “Never feels any less strange though.”

Gladio dug into the cake with gusto, and Noct was right behind. It was good, moist cake, and very decadent. Even more so than it looked. There was no frosting so it wasn’t disgustingly sweet.

“So good,” Noct said after a few bites. “May need to come back all the time just for this. Maybe make Emily a bff for the sweet hookup.”

“Yeah.” Gladio took another bite.

They ended up splitting the last bit.

“That was good,” Noct said. “So . . . time to unwrap the book.”

Gladio laughed. “Okay, okay.”

“Fair warning, it was already yours, so hope you don’t mind it getting re-gifted.”

Gladio gave him a weird look. “Okay.” He took it in his big hands and carefully unwrapped it. When he saw the cover, he stiffened and took a sharp breath.

“Noct,” he said.

Noct had held his breath too. He hoped Gladio wouldn’t be too mad about it.

“I can’t believe your dad still had this. Fuck. I’ve thought about it a couple times, but just assumed it was packed away somewhere. Thanks.”

“Do you remember when I gave it to you?”

Gladio smiled, a sad smile. “Yeah. You were such an ass about it though.”

Noct laughed. “I didn’t know what was acceptable to give or not. I was trying so hard. I just wanted to show you then that I really liked you.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

Noct smiled that same sad smile. “Yeah.” He looked back at Gladio. “I hope you like it, though I’ve already given it to you before. Just wanted to make sure you had it again. I know how much the series meant to you.”

“I still like it,” Gladio said. “And thanks. I mean it. Though this means I may have to collect the rest of them.” He reached out and squeezed Noct’s hand.

Another flash from across the street. Noct didn’t care.

For a moment longer, they were connected and then Gladio withdrew his hand to look more intently at the book. Noct smiled, watching him flip through the pages.

Walter silently slipped him the check and went to another table. The night was still warm, and the patio was slowly filling with people, some of whom looked at him and Gladio with faint recognition. Perhaps being out on the town would one day be less stressful. For now, he wanted to get out and go home. He hadn’t gotten used to the staring without chemical help.

Noct paid the bill, fairly inexpensive for a nice meal out, and it wasa new experience for him to be at a place that wasn’t catering to the uber rich celebrities.

“Shall we?” Noct asked.

Gladio was smiling. “Maybe in a minute,” he said. “Nice night out.”

“It is,” he agreed, thinking about some work he’d done at rehab. This was new, uncomfortable, but ultimately what he wanted. He wanted to be out with his friends, celebrate life, be human.

It was so damn hard though.

“I’m also sorry for some things too, you know,” Gladio said. He pulled out the letter Noct had given him a couple weeks before. It looked worn and creased. “I . . . . Thank you for this. I needed to hear it. I wrote one for you too. I just didn’t think I’d ever be able to hand it to you.”

He pulled out an envelope that looked equally as worn as his own letter and handed it to Noct. He took it gently and tucked it into his jacket where the book had been earlier. He didn’t want to read it now. Not in front of other people.

“I’ll read it at home,” Noct said. “It’s a little too much to do in public.”

Gladio chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” But he still didn’t move, instead, sipped his water and looking around for a moment. “I didn’t think my life would end up here. Especially not the last couple years. I’m feeling hope again.”

Noct grinned. “Me too,” he said. “As terrible as it’s been, I’m glad I’m feeling alive again. It’s been so long.”

They sat for a moment longer in the cool night air. But as more people filled the remaining tables, they both itched to stand and leave. Noct was the first up. He pushed back his chair, stood up and stretched.

“‘Bout time to head out yeah?” he asked Gladio.

“Yeah.” Gladio also pushed back from his chair, suddenly towering over everyone.

A short walk to the front, where they thanked Emily as they said goodbye. Noct made a promise to himself that he’d send something over or take it there himself. Signed CD, something. He quickly shot an email to an intern that usually helped him out.

Once the valet pulled up with his car, Noct got in and tipped the valet guy. In the car, the world was silent again, and almost peaceful compared to the noise of the outside world.

“Thanks,” Gladio said after they’d pulled on to the road. “That was a nice evening out.”

“You’re welcome.” Noct glanced a Gladio. “I had a nice time. It’s been a while since we really got to hang out.”

The drive to Gladio’s place was mostly quiet, though Gladio had put on a little music to keep the silence from being unbearable, or at least that was what Noct thought. Their silences in the past had always been different. Now it felt like it did with everyone else.

Almost too soon, Noct pulled into Gladio’s driveway, his house looming almost as large as he was. Instead of just stopping to let him out, Noct turned off the car and also got out.

Gladio turned to him with a slightly puzzled look, but otherwise didn’t say anything about it.

“Thanks,” Noct said, feeling very nervous of a sudden.

Gladio smiled. “You’re a dork. Thanks for dinner and companionship.”

Noct, feeling even more awkward now, hugged Gladio tight. It felt so right and so odd to be there again, hugging a man he used to know so well. Gladio had changed a lot in the last few years, but hugging him reminded Noct of so much he’d tried to forget.

And Gladio hugged him back just as tight. As Noct slowly pulled away to let him go, he felt a massive sense of loss. The night had been awkward but also magical, almost like a first date. But Noct had wanted Gladio to be his friend. As much as romance featured in his fantasies, he didn’t want to fuck things up, now that they were talking.

“Thanks for coming out with me tonight,” Noct said. “I really appreciate that we got to spend some time together.”

Gladio had his hands on Noct’s shoulders, and looked him in the eye. “I had a good time.” He was smiling, though Noct almost thought he saw a hint of . . . something.

Noct turned red again.

But before he could say anything, Gladio leaned down and kissed him. Noct knew it was going to happen right when Gladio moved, but Noct could do nothing but move to meet the kiss. Gladio was soft, tender, and warm in the kiss. It was chaste: lips only, warm with a hint of wetness. Noct fell into the kiss lightly, wanting more but being as conservative as possible.

“I’d say it was a successful date.” Gladio smirked, obviously pleased with himself.

“Yeah,” Noct said, breathing a little heavily. He didn’t know what else to say, so he reached up to kiss Gladio again, a little more tenderly, trying to fill the kiss with desire, intent, and passion. Gladio melted instantly into the kiss.

After a few minutes outside, making out like they were teens again, Noct slowly pushed himself away from Gladio. “Successful still?”

Gladio smiled, then looked up to the half-hidden stars above. “Yeah, successful. God that was such a good kiss. It’s been a while since anyone has hit those buttons. Picked up new technique?”

“Yeah, so have you.” But Noct was red in the face again. “I . . . just want to be upfront as possible. I want to go at whatever pace you are okay with. And that I am okay with. I was so young and stupid that I’m afraid to make a mistake.”

“You’ll always make mistakes,” Gladio said, pulling Noct in close. “The thing that’s changed is you are owning them now. Keep doing that, keep treating yourself okay, and listening and I’ll be willing. Pull any shit like you did before, and I’m out. I have to take care of myself too. And I’ll do my best too.”

“It’s gonna be harder than the first go around, I think.” Noct took a deep breath, breathing in the rich, spicy scent of Gladio. “I want to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes.” He wiped at his eyes, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. “I’m going to do my best,” Noct said, squeezing Gladio.

“As will I,” Gladio said, squeezing Noct back. “Now, I’m gonna go inside, okay? Give me a call when you get home.”

“I will.” Noct slowly let Gladio go. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Noct.” Gladio waved from the front door.

Noct got in his car and slipped out of the driveway and headed toward home. After getting out of distance of Gladio’s place he pulled over on the side of the road and cried for a while, expelling so much pent up pain. He could barely see from the tears.

After he’d let everything out, he made a couple notes on his phone, like Rosa had mentioned to do. Then he smiled and whooped. Gladio still liked him back. Perhaps there was hope for something again, as much as he didn’t deserve a second chance. Successful date, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay in the update. I have a book of poetry coming out and had to take care of that over the last couple weeks.
> 
> I've also hit a point where it's all new story, so updates may be slower until I finish. I'm really close to the end, so hopefully will have it done in a couple month.
> 
> Thanks for the wonderful messages last time. They mean a lot! <3


	21. Far Past: Portland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school Noct and Gladio. Noct's dad is leaving for a week . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content ahead ;)

Far Past: Portland

Noct stood at the window, watching his dad get in the car. He pulled out his phone and called Gladio.

“So,” he said as the car drove off. “My dad just left for a big meeting.”

“Yeah and?” Gladio’s voice drifted over the phone, almost lazily.

“And? and come over,” Noct said. “It means we have the whole house to ourselves.”

“What if I’m busy?”

“You’re not busy.” Noct smiled. It was kinda cute when Gladio played hard to get. “I know, because I looked at your calendar. Tell Iris to stop painting your toenails and get your ass over here.”

“Oh, I thought you liked something _else_ more,” he said, his voice thicker than it had been a moment ago.

“Yeah, well, you have me there. Just come over already Gladio and stop fucking around.”

Gladio laughed. “Fine, fine. Wait, is Ignis or Prompto gonna be there?”

“Nope.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you like thirty minutes or so. Gotta let my toenails dry.”

“I knew it! Tell Iris I say hi.”

“Tell her yourself.”

“Hi Noctis!!” Iris said, her voice loud and high. “I’m making Gladdy pretty!”

“I bet you are,” he said, speaking softer to her. “Make sure he’s the prettiest he can be. I like him pretty.”

“You’re funny,” she said, giggling. “And weird. Hey! I can call him a weirdo if I want to Gladdy. Okay bye Noctis!! Here’s my brother.”

“She’s a handful,” Noctis said.

“You’re telling me.”

“Okay, so I’ll see you soon?”

“You betcha!”

“‘K, lemme know when you leave, alright?”

“Ow! Iris!”

“Okay bye!” Noct hung up and then laughed his ass off. He could just picture Gladio being stabbed by beauty-guru-in-the-making Iris.

Okay, so he shouldn’t have laughed, but it was hilarious to think about. He checked the time and the note left by his dad about the trip for work. He’d be gone a few days to a week, depending, and Noctis had pretty much everything he needed.

Now, he just had to get ready for Gladio to come over. Which meant another quick shower. Should he brush his teeth? Or would they eat something?

He took a shower and brushed his teeth and tried to tame his hair. He hope he was presentable enough. When his phone buzzed it was Gladio in the driveway.

Noct rushed down the stairs and almost ate it on the last step. But he caught himself and half-slid half-walked to the front door. He opened it a little breathless.

“Hi,” he managed.

Gladio pulled off his sunglasses. He wore a big blue hoodie. He always looked a little annoyed or angry, until he smiled.

“Hey,” he said, looking Noct up and down. “You alright there buddy?”

“It’s a long way to hurry down to the door, just to let you know.”

Gladio smirked and kissed him on the lips. Noct grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house and closed the door. He kissed Gladio again and sighed into his hoodie.

“Hi,” Noct said again.

“Hi.” Gladio wrapped arms around Noct. “So. What’s the plan? What do you want to do?”

“Uh, make out, hang all over you, watch movies or video games, and . . . you know.”

“If you can’t say it, you can’t have it,” Gladio chided. “Or at least that’s what my mom always says.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “Fine, and fuck.”

“There’s my man.” Gladio stuck out his tongue. “You got anything to eat?”

“Might have some snacks? Was thinking we could go out later, or order a pizza or something?”

Gladio pulled Noct along to the kitchen to scrounge around again. Gladio fixed something and gave Noct a couple bites.

It wasn’t long until they were in front of the TV watching something mindless, Noct curled up against Gladio. Sometimes, cuddling like this was better than the sex. Sometimes. It was hard to tell.

Occasionally Gladio would rub his arm or shoulder, or kiss him on the head or neck lightly. Noct squirmed and burrowed closer each time. There was a benefit to dating a giant man.

Noct turned to look at Gladio and their eyes locked. In moment, Noct was kissing—well, rather attacking—Gladio. Surprised, Gladio took a moment to kiss him back, but shortly Noct had climbed Gladio and they were making out in earnest.

Noct ran his hands up and down Gladio’s chest and arms, the fabric of the hoodie too much in the way. He needed to get that thing off. And so, his hands pulled it away. Gladio didn’t protest, moaning into Noct’s ear at the ministrations of the smaller man.

They kissed again, Noct capturing Gladio’s mouth over and over again. His body tingled with electricity at the points their bodies touched. He was hot, overwhelmed with the sensations coursing through his body. And he couldn’t help but smile. The last couple times like this had been wildly insane.

Gladio paused. “Smiling?”

“You bet,” he said breathlessly. “‘M all tingly.”

Gladio grinned and pulled his hoodie off. As a bonus, his shirt came with it and then pants, and Noct let his hands roam more. Gladio moaned and their lips locked again, Noct’s hands exploring bare skin. Soon he was lifted up. “Not in here.”

The TV was left forgotten for the moment as Gladio carried him up the stairs to his room. Once there, it wasn’t long until they were naked, Noct’s clothes lost somewhere in the careless surrender to passion.

Gladio laid him on the bed, pinning him down and rolling his hips into Noct’s. His eyes were red and fiery with desire. Noct couldn’t stop looking into those beautiful eyes, and he fell into the soul there.

“You wanna get fucked?” Gladio said, his voice husky and deep.

Noct could barely make words, his throat was dry and his body practically hummed with energy. He wanted nothing more than Gladio inside him. He nodded. “Yeah.”

Gladio smirked, and ripped off the rest of Noct’s clothes and pulled off his underwear, freeing his dick. Noct couldn’t decide where to look: his boyfriend’s beautiful dick or his beautiful face.

Gladio didn’t give him much choice. He kissed Noct hard, their teeth colliding, but Noct didn’t care. He kissed back just as hard, rocking his hips upward, their dicks rubbing together sending sparks of pleasure throughout his body.

“Fuck,” Noct moaned.

Gladio smirked again. He reached over to the the bedside and pulled out a bottle of lube. Flipping open the lid, he squeezed a dime amount onto his hands and rolled the lube between his fingers and slowly circled Noct’s hole.

Noct groaned, his mind suddenly focusing on the pleasure cascading through his body. Gladio’s fingers gradually pushed against his hole, then a finger slipped in, and Noct couldn’t stop his mouth.

Gladio ran one hand up and down his leg, and the other worked open in his hole, pressing gently and warming him up consistently. Soon one finger became two, and two became three.

“Fuck, Gladio!” Noct cried. “Stop being an asshole and fuck the shit out of me.”

Gladio laughed. “Bossy bottom.”

Noct squirmed and glared at him.

“Fine, fine, as you wish,” he said winking.

Noct couldn’t help what he liked. Getting fucked by Gladio had been such an amazing experience (after a few tries). Fucking Gladio was also amazing, but tonight, he really felt like taking all of Gladio. The first few times had been almost impossible. At 6’6” and proportional, he had a massive cock. They had measured a few times, and that was perfectly normal for teen boys to do, Noct knew. Noct was an acceptable 6” and Gladio was an absurd 9”.

Gladio had a condom out and rolled it over his dick. Noct loved watching him put on one. “You sure?” Gladio asked a second time.

“Yeah,” Noct said. He stared, remembering how good it felt when they’d finally managed to get it in the first time. He’d almost cum from that alone. “Fuck me.”

Gladio’s grin was practically sex itself.

Gladio scooted forward, and Noct watched as he lined his cock up with his hole. He felt the warm head press against is opened hole and begin to slide in like it belonged, like it was home.

“Fuck, Gladio! You’re so big, I love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, fuck me.”

Noct stared into Gladio’s eyes as he slid inch by inch inside. It was amazingly hot, watching Gladio’s eyes turn from clear to hazy with pleasure and passion.

In moment, Gladio was pressed all the way in, his hip bones tight against Noct. Noct could feel every pulsating inch burning hot inside.

Slowly, Gladio pulled out all the way and let Noct’s sphincter spasm a moment. He kissed and caressed him for a minute, keeping them both hard.

Then he slipped back in slowly. After a few times, Noct could feel his entire body turning into a puddle of sex. He was relaxed and nodded to Gladio.

In a moment, Gladio sped up. It felt so good, like every nerve in his body was tingling and activated, like he was the universe itself.

Noct nodded again. “Fuck.”

Gladio kept up the pace, but Noct wanted more. He needed more. He had to have it.

“Faster, Gladio.”

Gladio paused, a momentary look of concern. “You sure?”

“Yes,” Noct nodded, taking a moment to breath. “Pound my ass.”

Gladio quirked his head and grinned. He slowly ramped up speed, Noct nodding each time. And then he kept going. And going. And going.

Noct’s head flew back and he couldn’t control himself. He moaned so loudly he was sure the neighbors heard—and they were a half mile away.

Gladio’s dick was like a piston punching through his guts and Noct’s eyes rolled back from sheer pleasure. He couldn’t think; his brain had short-circuited. “Harder,” the word came to him. “Please.” His voice was unlike anything he’d heard himself say before. Pleading for more.

“Fuck,” Gladio said. To his credit, he complied and pressed harder and faster, letting his dick fully exit Noct before slamming back in to the hilt.

Noct screamed in pleasure, louder than he had any right to, but he could not control his body.

Gladio slowed to a stop fully inside. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Noct nodded. “Fuck god. Keep going.”

“Gimme a second,” Gladio said. “Need a rest.”

He pulled out and rolled over. “Sit on me.”

Eagerly, Noct mounted Gladio and kissed him. He looked into his eyes, and guided that huge dick to his ready hole and it slipped in as if it were nothing.

Noct rode up and down, bouncing hard after a moment on Gladio. Noct tried to keep it less bony, but at the speed he was going, bone on bone action was bound to happen, but he bounced harder, the pleasure reward worth it to him.

Too suddenly, a wave of white-hot electricity burned through his body and he couldn’t control it and came all over Gladio’s chest and he felt Gladio burst inside him, the pulsating heat almost too much for his spasming hole.

Panting, Noct collapsed on top of Gladio, spent. He had no idea where the energy had come from, but now he was exhausted.

“Fuck,” he said. “Damn.”

“Yeah.” Gladio wiped his brow and looked at the mess he’d made on his belly. “Jesus. That was amazing.”

“Fuck.” Noct rested his head on Gladio’s shoulder. “I can’t word.”

“Same.” Gladio laughed. His dick slipped out and Gladio rolled the condom off and tied it, throwing it on a tissue.

Noct took deep breaths and kissed Gladio’s neck and then his lips again. He felt thick and warm, like he was made of taffy, with as little structure.

“I’m gooey,” Noct stated. “And I’m hungry now.”

“Feel like I’m made of butter,” Gladio said. “Wanna order in something?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I can wait though.” Noct knew he was being a little whiney, but he couldn’t help it. He was hungry.

Gladio groaned and tried to roll over. “Well, no matter what its gonna take time to get something ready, Prince Hungry.”

Noct flopped over. “I might die.”

Gladio laughed, stretching out. He tried to get up, but aborted the attempt. “Just gimme my phone and I’ll order something quick.”

Noct rolled over looking for Gladio’s pants, the most likely suspect to have the phone. But then he remember the pants were likely in the living room. So he grabbed the cordless on the nightstand and handed to Gladio.

“The hell am I supposed to call with this?” he said. “I don’t know the number.”

Noct pouted. “Your pants are in the living room, unless you brought your cell up without them.”

“Ah fuck.” Gladio laughed. “I can’t move.”

“I can’t either. We need Life Alert, tm.”

“Noct you don’t have to say tm.”

“But it’s fun.”

“Well, how about this. You’ve got stuff all over you too, so shower and I’ll order and then join you. Sound like a plan?”

“Plan in action!” Noct got up and headed to his bathroom, turning on the hot water to shower. Though he’d taken one early, having jizz and lube all over made him feel sticky and bleh.

Gladio joined him a moment later. Even though they’d just basically died from great sex, Gladio was kissing him and rubbing up and caressing him. It was still hot, and they both got hard again.

And went for round 2. In the shower. And it was almost as hot as round 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to get this out Sunday, but was in a weird mood and the sexytimes here demanded a non-weird/sad mood.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	22. Present: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis meets with Sania.

**Present: Los Angeles**

Noct looked around the apartment. He’d found the place with the help of the new real estate agent Sania had recommended. His house was listed and most of his meaningful possessions were in storage for now. He’d have to worry about moving everything again once he’d found a new place but that would have to wait until the exit negotiations were finalized. For now the apartment would have to do.

It was strange to be spending so much time in such a small space. Apparently he’d gotten more used to his house than he thought. The place had one master bedroom, a bath and a half, a large living space, and a nice-sized kitchen. The complex was more on the exclusive side, at least, but he knew it was only a matter of time until he would need to move from this place. One reason why he lobbied hard to get a month-to-month lease—plus he didn’t know how long he would need to be here.

He set down his keys and flopped on the couch, tempted to turn on the TV. He’d just come from signing the paperwork to close escrow on his house. And Sania was finishing up negotiations with Ifrit to free him from his contract.

So far it looked as if Noct would be freed with minimum pain on his side, thanks to support from the rest of the band. And the fact that he was paying solely for the legal fees associated with the case. And helping pay for the exit fees of the other band members. Overall he was gonna be near broke for the next few months. Almost all his savings had been eradicated in the last year. But he was also happier than he’d been.

His phone rang and he picked up after checking the caller.

“Sania,” he said. “I hope you have good news for me?”

“Noctis!” she practically shouted. “Yes! Are you free? Can you meet me now?”

He sighed. He was kinda tired, but by the sound of her voice, it seemed important. “Yeah, just got finished signing escrow papers a bit ago. I’m at my apartment. Should I meet you somewhere or . . . ?”

“Yes, come by my office. It’s a huge mess, but we have some things we need to discuss right away. We are so close! Can you be here in a half hour?”

“Yeah,” he said, stand up. It had been a long day already. What was a little longer? “I’m gonna grab a Lyft there. I’ll see you soon.”

“Great! Alright, gotta go. See you in a bit.”

“Bye.” Noct hung up the phone quickly checked his appearance and made sure to use the bathroom. He really wanted something to help him out right now. Stress sucked. But he took a few deep breaths and relaxed. He called a car.

The drive over to Sania’s office took a little longer than the half-hour he’d promised, but with LA traffic, it was impossible to judge the exact time. Soon, though the driver dropped him off and he stepped inside the large building. The security guard waved him through.

After a short elevator ride, Noct was standing at the door to Sania’s office, though the lights were dark and door was closed. He tried it, and it was locked. He headed back to the front desk for the law office. The receptionist was a nice young girl, possibly a law school intern.

“Is Sania in?”

She looked confused. “Oh, I just saw her a minute ago. She should be in her office or on her way there.”

“Thanks,” he said and headed back to the office. It was still locked. As Noct was going to head back to the front desk, Sania came huffing up the hallway, briefcase in hand.

“Oh, you’re here early!” Sania said, hurrying up to him. “Got caught up in traffic. Come, we’ve lots to discuss.”

Noct followed her into the office and sat in his usual seat. She popped open the suitcase and riffled through the papers in. Her desk was strewn with paperwork and open books of law. Surprisingly the briefcase was well-organized.

“Now,” she said, pulling stacks out. “Well. I’ll just . . . clear a space.” She grabbed a few stacks and set them on another shelf. “Right! So, I just got back from meeting with the execs of Ifrit and with Ardyn. They’ve agreed to out final counter, and I have their signatures. All we need to free you from the contract is you signature. Lots of them and lots of initialing.”

Noct sat forward. “Whoa, really? What are the terms?”

“Well.” Sania sighed and pushed her glasses up her face. “I think these terms are the best that we can get from them. All Ghostfire records, albums and merchandise will still be licensed to Ifrit, with the original terms of royalties to remain yours. So we got that fixed, thanks to public outrage and dropping sales. They’d rather have something than nothing.”

“Wow Sania! Miracle worker!”

She chuckled. “Thanks. I’m pretty proud that we stuck to that one. It wouldn’t have been easy in court for them to win that, though they could have.”

“What else?”

“Well, copyright will revert to Ghostfire, but I had to give them additional exclusivity for fifteen years. That means any Best Of albums will have to come from Ifrit records. It’s not ideal, but it was worth it to keep the royalties.”

“What about public performances of our songs?”

Sania shook her head. “Though Ghostfire retains copyright, by these terms, no Ghostfire song can be played in a public arena without a per-use fee for those fifteen years. I know it’s not ideal, Noct, but this is something that we couldn’t do. However, I did negotiate down the per-use fee per song. So if you want to perform a song in another band, you’ll have to pay 75% of the standard fee per song. Basically it’s preventing you from touring as Ghostfire.”

Noct looked out the window to the hills in the distance. “What about the termination fee? How did we do there?”

She smiled. It wasn’t her normal happy smile. She resembled a shark. “Oh, you’ll like these terms. We got the sales forecasts down from the campaign over the last couple months. You’ll still have to pay the future earnings fee, but instead of the original rate, we’ve settled on a flat fee of $4.8 million, including the additional fine. So that’s better than I expected.”

“What else should I know?”

“Well, to get such a good deal, I had to give them something. For that, you agree that you will not form a new band, publicly, for a period of three years.”

“I figured that would be part of the terms. What’s the penalty?”

Sania shook her head. “One and half million per year of violation. So this basically just means you pay back the full termination fine as if you had quit at peak sales.”

Noct sighed. “I mean, it seems like the best deal we are going to get. What are the terms for everyone else?”

Sania adjusted her glasses. “Well, it’s assumed that each band member will sign, so they’ve provided more generous terms. If any original members do not sign, Ifrit reserves the right to fill vacant slots on Ghostfire and continue recording new music. You’ll keep your original royalties, and keep a 1% rate on future earnings. But if the band dissolves totally, it’s a moot point. However, each band member agrees to pay a $2.5 million fine and abide by the same terms you have.”

Noct took a deep breath and stood up to pace. This wasn’t a tough decision, but it still felt harder than it should have. “What do you think?”

“As your counsel, I think this is the best deal we can get. In court, we aren’t likely to get such favorable terms, monetary wise. I think the time-restrictions are there to discourage new labels from signing you in any form at all.”

“It’ll take us at least a year if not two to create a new album anyway. Perhaps they fear we’ve been writing in secret.”

Sania shrugged. “I couldn’t say. This is some of the toughest negotiations we’ve had to do here, and we’ve done the best we could. I do not think you can get better terms, to be honest.”

“Okay,” Noct said. “Let’s do this.”

Sania looked a little relieved. “I know it’s not an easy decision. But once you sign these papers, your original contract is null and void. It’ll take me some time to make a copy of this. I’ve called your friends and left messages with them.”

Over the next couple hours, Noct signed the papers freeing him from the contract that had almost ruined his life. On the last page, he felt such relief. He was free. Free enough at least. And that counted for something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah! I've finally got some momentum to push through. I hope you enjoyed this. I hope there aren't many typos. This is a write n post without much editing.


	23. Past: Portland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis is now taking classes at community college, along with Prompto, Gladio, Ignis.

Past: Portland

It had been a lazy afternoon. Summer had bled into fall, and the Portland gloom had come back and still Noct hadn’t done anything or planned for much. Over the whole summer, the band had been practicing listlessly, with little direction.

Without the structure provided by high school, it was harder to get anything done. There were no deadlines, no shows, no reason to do much of anything. And Noct was tired from graduation and the last few months of high school. Though they’d all enrolled and taken some classes at Portland Community College, it was harder and harder to make time to write new music.

Noct rolled out of his bed, tired from doing absolutely nothing. He grabbed his phone and checked for any messages, but it was just as blank as it had been ten minutes ago, like it had been all day. He had class in an hour and he didn’t want to go, but it was the only thing he had to do today.

He threw on some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie and grabbed his keys to head to school. He stopped at the front door, sighed, and tugged his hoodie closer. _Bit cold outside._

The air outside was cool and damp, the ever-present drizzle back from its vacation. Noct, now in possession of a driver’s license and a barely functioning car, headed to class.

The drive was uneventful, and he was a good 10 minutes early to class. Still no texts in the group chat and Noct was beginning to wonder if he’d get a reply to the message he’d sent earlier.

He got out of the car and trudged to the classroom across campus from the parking lot. He stuck his hands in his hoodie and the hood over his head to keep a little drier.

The whole class was bland and boring for Noct. He never was that good at school, and the math class he was taking was a required course for first years. Same as his English class.

After an interminable class period, it was finally over and he headed to the one thing he didn’t hate: vocal lessons. The teacher he had, Mrs. Armstrong, was really good and helped him work through issues he had when performing in high school.

She greeted him with a wave and a smile.

“Hey,” he said. “How’s it going?”

“Ready to get started? Did you forget your water again?” She clicked her tongue. “I’ll grab a bottle from my office. Why don’t you get started on warm ups? I’ll be back in a sec.”

Noct sat at the piano and ran up a few scales. His phone buzzed and he checked his phone. Finally everyone responded with “Yes.” They were finally gonna meet up to play and record something that they’d been working on.

Noct set the phone down and ran the scales again.

Mrs. Armstrong came back a little later and handed him the water. “You’re gonna owe me at the end of the semester.” She shooed him away from the piano. “Okay, let’s roll through them a couple more times.”

Noct ran through the scales again, almost bored. He wanted to sing something, do something other than this boring nonsense.

“Well done,” she said. “I know this is boring, but it’s important.”

He started. “What?”

“I’ve been teaching for a while, Noctis. I know that look. Do you know why we practice scales?”

He shrugged. “Cuz?”

She frowned. “Because when you add words and music, the focus shifts from not ruining your voice to remembering lyrics and song. These scales help train you to sing properly so you don’t hurt yourself.”

Noct stood up a little straighter. “Okay.”

“And they help you sense pitch better so you stay on note. Focus on your breathing, the tension in your diaphragm and relaxing your voice as you move through. You’re getting better, but you are lazy.”

Noct almost bristled at that, but he knew it was the truth.

They ran through the scales for another ten minutes.

“Much better,” she said. “So are you working on anything new?”

“Gonna record something tonight, I want to bring it in after so we can go over it.”

“Great!” She beamed at him. “Now, we are gonna start working on an aria, to help extend your range and focus. Just follow my lead.”

They worked on the first portion of the aria for the rest of the session. When they were done, she pulled out a mini-cassette. “Here is the recording of the piano so you can come in and sing along. I want you to record your practices for me. I just want to make sure that you are following proper technique. Singing is hard work, especially in the genre you are working in. Don’t wanna have to go on vocal rest every month.”

“Got it,” Noct said. “I’ll give you a tape at the beginning of every session, then right?”

“Every Friday, please. I want at least one hour a week. You need 3 hours of lab a week, but just give me one hour. At least that. Got it?”

“Yes,” he said. “Thanks”

“I’ll see you next week then!” She smiled at him again, and he grabbed his bag and headed back to his car.

He had to pick up Gladio from his job, and Ignis and Prompto would meet them back at Noct’s place, where his dad had begrudgingly let them create a make-shift studio and practice room. Noct pulled up to the warehouse that Gladio worked at and waited in the car until 4:00 when he got off work. Ignis and Prompto worked the same shift today and would be by around 6:00, which gave Noct an little over an hour alone with Gladio.

According to Mrs. Armstrong, he wasn’t supposed to sing 45 minutes after eating, so he’d have to eat when they were still on their way.

Noct hooked up the cassette to his audio system and ran through the aria again while waiting. Gladio showed up after the third time running through the song.

“Watcha doing?” he said as he plopped into the passenger seat.

“Homework,” Noct said. “Armstrong gave me an aria to sing.”

“What’s that?”

Noct shrugged. “No idea, but it’s weird and in Italian.”

Gladio shrugged. “Cool, ready to jam tonight?”

“Been ready all week. Just gotta eat like 45 minutes before the rest of the gang comes over. For my voice. Armstrong says it helps prevent damage.”

“Well, we can’t be losing our lead singer. The rest of us are crap.”

“You should see about getting lessons too, since it’s probably cheaper to take them through the school. I mean, why not next semester.”

Gladio shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”

Noct smiled. “I mean it is up to you, but we do need make sure we have all the harmonies when we play. So, what do you wanna pick up?”

“Burgerville is always the bomb.”

Noct pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the nearest Burgerville. He reached out and took Gladio’s hand, feeling more comfortable now. Gladio reached over to the console to put on one of the CDs Noct had in the player.

It was Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, one of their favorites. Noct sang along softly, making sure he was remember what Mrs. Armstrong had been talking about during his lessons.

They pulled up to the Burgerville and ordered in the drive thru. While waiting, Noct squeeze Gladio’s hand.

“I miss seeing you all day every day you know,” he said. “Just isn’t the same you know.”

Gladio smirked. “Tell me about it. Work sucks. Wish we could hang out and fuck all day.”

Noct blushed, but leaned over to kiss Gladio anyway. Noct kept one eye open on the line to make sure he didn’t rear end anyone. Gladio kissed him back hard.

“Little awkward,” he mumbled after a minute. “Let’s take this back up when we get to your place.”

Noct kissed him again. “Yeah. Goddamn cars getting in the way.”

Gladio laughed at that.

When they got to the window, Gladio checked his phone, just in case they had a homophobic cashier. After picking up the food and shakes, they headed back to Noct’s place, sharing the fries on the way.

They made short work of the food once once back, leaving them both sated on the couch.

“Ugh, I didn’t hardly do anything today,” Noct said. “Just school and I’m tired.”

Gladio poked at him. “Get a job. I’m dead cuz I’ve been working my ass off. Seriously, I thought there’d be more forklifts and less lifting. Sometimes I wonder if I should scale back my workouts, but the fitness instructor at school seems to think I can do both just fine. Just need to eat more.”

Noct groaned. “I swear most of your money goes to food.”

Gladio laughed. “I’m a growing boy.”

Half-rolling, half shifting, Noct stradled Gladio. “Yeah, well I do appreciate the work. Not sure if you can really get much bigger.”

“Sure I could.” Gladio wrapped his arms around Noct’s waist and pulled him a little closer.

Then they were kissing, Noct savoring the sensations coursing through his body. The left over flavors of Gladio’s dinner melted into the background. It very rarely bothered him now.

As things heated up to the point that they might have to take it upstairs, the doorbell rang.

“Fuck,” Gladio said, his voice still thick with desire.

“Later,” Noct said, still feeling wobbly. “If you’re still up for it.”

Gladio gave him a dark look.

Noct scrambled up after the doorbell rang a second time. “Coming!” he shouted.

Prompto and Ignis stood on the porch. Prompto dashed inside, shivering, though it wasn’t even cold. Ignis adjusted his glasses and gave Noctis a once-over.

“No wonder it took a few rings to get through.” He grinned and clapped Noct on the shoulder. “Shall we?”

“Can I borrow a sweater?” Prompto asked.

Noct waved him upstairs. They practically were the same size, so it didn’t matter too much.

Noct headed to the impromptu studio set up that barely fit the group and their instruments. He’d half-ass sound-proofing the room.

Gladio was already there, hooking up the laptop as they had begun to record the sessions to see how/where they could improve in sound.

After a short warm up period, NOct took a breath. “So, I wanna trying doing ‘One More Life.’ I think it’ll be good.”

Prompto smiled faintly and Ignis adjusted his glasses. Gladio nodded.

“Laptop ready Gladio?” Noct asked.

“Yup, all set up. Let’s roll!”

He sang.

_I can’t believe we met_

_so long, so long ago,_

_and though I gave myself a bet_

_that you’d never love me, no,_

_here we are together_

_here we are together._

_I told you yes_

_you shrugged and said I guess_

_then kissed me_

_yeah you kissed me_

_and I knew you cared_

_so much more than you dared_

_I asked if you’d live_

_one more life_

_oh one more life_

_with me here_

_and you said no no dear_

_that’s not enough love_

_not enough love for me_

_let’s live forever love_

_love night day whenever_

_as long as your here_

_I’ll survive anything dear_

_and I knew you loved me_

_loved me then_

_loving you is more life than_

_I could ever dream._

After finishing, Noct took a deep breathe. “I think that went pretty good.”

“Yeah,” Prompto nodded. “I’m ready for the playback.”

Noct headed over to the laptop and fiddled with the audio out to connect to better speakers and hit the play button.

Music washed over them, the wall of sound thick and rich. Noct couldn’t help but smile. Sure, there were a few timing issues and he’d missed a word or two here and there, but overall, it had come out good. Especially since they’d only done a few takes while hammering out the details.

When the recording stopped, Noctis looked at the band. “What do you think?”

“Passable,” Ignis said, though he was grinning from ear to ear. “Very much so.”

“Badass,” Gladio said.

Prompto was white. “I can’t believe it. We sound amazing.”

“Yeah!” Noct hugged Prompto. “We did. Wanna run through it a couple times?”

Everyone smiled.

After a couple hours, Noct was tired, but feeling good. They’d gotten a really good take that he could transfer to tape for Mrs. Armstrong. And he’d come up with some more lyric ideas.

“I think we have it,” Noct said.

“You may be right,” Ignis said. “For our skill level and equipment, this surely is as good as anything on the radio.

Prompto was beet read and half-dancing around the room. “I can’t even believe how amazing we sound. Seriously!”

Gladio stood up and stretched. “We fucking rock.”

Noct grinned and jumped to kiss his boyfriend. Gladio caught him and kissed him back.

“That we do,” Noct said. “That we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay -_-'
> 
> I only have a few more chapters to go, so I'm hoping to have it finished by the end of the summer. Thank you everyone for your support <3


	24. Present: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months after the official breakup and release from Ifrit Records.

Present: Los Angeles

Ocean air brought a certain chill to the evening air as Noctis cruised down Pacific Coast Highway. Though he was alone, he felt full of joy and life. Music to jam to played through the speakers, and the air rushed by as he drove. The sun was just setting in his rear view as he headed back to town.

He hadn’t felt this good about living in Los Angeles since the first few months when they drove the coast late nights for shits and giggles. Though he had missed that time in his life, he felt the same sense of infinite expansion now. The future was bright indeed.

With the roads mostly clear, a rarity for LA, the drive was surprisingly peaceful. And the destination was also exciting. He couldn’t wait to see everyone together as a band again for the first time since they officially broke up as Ghostfire almost a year back.

Excited and nervous at the same, he almost wanted to speed to get there, but he’d be early or on-time anyway. Instead, he breathed and cruised down the coast, brimming with creative energy. Tonight would be awesome.

Once he hit the outskirts of the city, traffic started to build up more. But because he was in such a good mood, he didn’t care, still jamming to the music streaming through the speakers. There was something almost magical about the feeling.

Noctis turned down the street to the house he now shared with Gladio. Over the last year, they’d slowly started dating again, going to therapy and working through their addictions still. The process was sometimes ugly, but they hashed out so much old hurt and old pain that it felt new again. Noctis felt so grateful for the second chance and for doing the best he could.

Soon, he parked his car in the long driveway and got out. It looked like everyone else was here already, though he’d arrived right on time. The house was modest, but still in a nice, quiet neighborhood. Over the past few months, Gladio and Noct had converted one of the spacious basement bedrooms into a small studio with as much sound proofing as they could manage to contain the noise. They didn’t want to be _that_ neighbor. And they didn’t want any rumors of a reunion just yet. That would have to wait until the right time.

Noct let himself in and heard voices in the kitchen, so he headed there.

“Noctis, how was the drive?” Ignis asked him, a glass of wine swirling in one hand. “Pleasant?”

He nodded. “Much more scenic than the direct route.”

“How was the thing?” Prompto asked, sipping a beer. “Good?”

“Yeah, felt good to give back.” He’d gone back to the rehab to tell his story about addiction and how he was doing. He counted it as part of his treatment still. Something about the place gave him peace. Perhaps it was the first time he really could believe in himself, and fight his demons with help.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Ignis said. “I must say that it is certainly better to see this side of you. I was very worried for a long time, my friend. It is excellent to see you in such good spirits.”

Noctis gave Ignis a quizzical look. “Well, should we get started?”

“Gladio is finishing something up in the studio and said we should be ready to start in about 15 minutes or so.”

“Ah,” Noctis grabbed a glass from a nearby cabinet and poured himself a glass of water. “Is Iris still going to help us out?”

Prompto nodded. “She’s helping her brother. So, how’s that song coming along?”

Noct smiled. “It’s done. I’ve got the lyrics mostly ironed out and the melodies written out.”

“Still secretive?” Ignis chuckled. “Sometimes I wonder about that.”

Noct stuck out his tongue. “Me? Secretive? I’ll blame Gladio. He wasn’t quite ready to share. I’l go check in on him.”

He headed down into the basement toward the studio. In some ways, it reminded him of when they were first starting out with their own home studio. They’d come a long way since then, and the new studio in the basement was almost a rival of the ones they’d used under Ifrit.

He didn’t hear anything coming from the studio and smiled. Maybe Gladio was finishing some of the last bits of soundproofing.

He knocked on the door lightly and opened it.

Gladio was under a table doing something, and Iris was untangling some wire near a secondary computer. Iris had grown up a lot in the last few years and had taken to music just like her older brother. She had joined the new band, and did vocals along with other instrumentals.

“Hey there,” Noct called out. “Final touches?”

Iris looked up and beamed at him. “Yup! Gotta get the wires crossed right. They were a mess! Good thing I’m here to help out.”

Gladio grunted. “Yeah. Should be done soon.”

“Need any help?”

“Nope! We Amicitias have this covered. Not to worry!” She went back to work, her tongue sticking out in concentration.

Noct couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You got it. Gladio, is it finally okay to give the others the notes for the song?”

“Yeah, sure. Lyrics’ll have to wait though.”

Noct saluted his boyfriend. It still felt a little strange to be dating him again, but the relationship was so much better this time around. “Will do. Let us know when it’s safe.”

Iris laughed. “Go on! We won’t be too much longer.”

Noct shut the door behind him and headed back to the kitchen. Prompto and Ignis laughing about something. He stuck his head in.

“I’ve been given the blessing to give you the music notes,” he said. “Gladio said I’m not allowed to share the lyrics yet.” He pulled out two sheets and handed one to Ignis and one to Prompto.

They both looked over the sheet. Ignis’s fingers playing an imaginary keyboard, noting a few things. He looked over at Noct, grinning and whipped out a pencil to note a few things, possibly making adjustments. Good thing Gladio still had the originals, but Noct trusted Ignis to know the music well enough to sense something off, even if just on paper.

Prompto was doing much the same, drumming the beat on the kitchen table. Noct followed along to their playing, careful not to mouth the words. From what he could sense, the song would take a little work, but it was a good start.

After a few minutes of testing out their respective parts, Noct humming his parts along, Gladio came out from the new studio room to finally usher them inside. Now that the computer equipment and everything had been set up appropriately, it would should be a simple matter to record here.

“Well, are we all ready?” Noct said as they filed into the admittedly cramped space. Of course they could have converted more space, but that would have cost a lot more than anyone really had since the break with Ifrit. It wasn’t sardine status yet, but certainly they could have used a little extra space.

Iris went around double checking everything. “Okay looks like its all set up properly. We’ll do an old classic for sound check. How about Bring Me to the Edge?”

Ignis grinned. “I’m game.”

They all headed to their spaces, put on their headphones and tuned up. Iris gave them the signal and they played through the song. Afterward, she played back the recordings through the headphones, and they talked about changing a few things. As this was the first time they’d recorded here, they just needed to test things for a bit.

“What do you think? That sounds pretty clear to me.” Gladio smiled at his sister. “Good work.”

“Yes!” Prompto said. “I’d say it’s as good as we can do here. Iris, we need to test your mic too, right?”

“I’ll be doing backup vocals, so I can record those later.” She blushed though and Noct thought it might take a while to get her ready for the stage. Thankfully they had the time.

Noct looked to Gladio. “Ready?”

He nodded.

“Okay,” Noct said. “This piece is what Gladio and I have been working on. Ignis, I noticed you changed a few things, should be great. Same for you Prompto. Ready? Iris? Can you join us too? At least for the first bit so we can all hear how it’s supposed to be?”

She nodded. “You got it!”

Taking a deep breath, Noct pulled up the lyrics that he’d been working on. Ignis lead them in.

_Wake up, the alarm bright_

_howling in the dark. Shapes filter_

_from the hotel’s dim light_

_stumble out of bed, off kilter_

_and here’s me, hoping he just might_

It was a longing, slow song. Gladio pumped out the bass, playing more delicately than Noct had ever heard him play. Ignis’s fingers danced along the keyboard.

_Lost among the strip, the stars_

_I wander the boulevard newly taken_

_the siren song of the neon bars_

_but I’ve locked that, the edges blacken_

_here, in the city of cars._

And Prompto build up the beat, pushing the tempo. It was almost too much, but under his hand and the lyrics he pulled back just enough. Iris joined Noct on his mic.

_I wanted more, more, more_

_never happy with the lot I’d been given_

_but what can this beggar do?_

_Except to give up his life_

_start something new, reclaim the gifts_

_I wanted your hand, here_

_instead of the drugs and beer._

_I had no solace, the days dark_

_and the nights bleaker and stark_

_when all I wanted was your hand_

_in mine, tied as we were to the band_

Her voice blended expertly with his, like they’d been singing together for years, when it had only been a few times over the last couple weeks. Music ran in the veins of the Amicitias. Noct couldn’t help but smile.

_Down the boulevard_

_Down the boulevard_

_I see what I could have had past_

_what was mine and what I lost_

_just for the fame, for a taste_

_of our dreams, your body traced._

The last of the chords dissipated in the sound-dampened room. Iris quietly stopped the recording and checked all the levels, then played back the song through their headphones so they could hear it again.

“Well? What do you think?” Gladio asked. He seemed a little nervous. They’d both written the song, each about their own pain from right before their rehab stints.

Prompto smiled, though it was a little sad. “It fits with our style for sure, but it has something a little different. I think I’ve got some new ideas. But I’ll wait a sec.”

“I’ll need to work on some of the melodies and adjust a few things, but overall, I think this could be the heart of our new album. So, what shall we call ourselves?”

“StarScourge,” Iris said. “That’s who you were in high school. I think going back to that name means a going back to roots.”

“Indeed,” Ignis said. “Now, Prompto what were you going to say?”

“I’d love to see something different. We’ve been playing similar music for almost ten years. We don’t we add something new, something more upbeat? A sort of darkness to light motif?”

He bit his lips as if he expected a no.

Gladio grinned. “Couldn’t agree more. Our fans will still be our fans. But we are moving on as a different band and we need a different sound. I think Iris will do great for back up vocals and guitar. Might even have her feature on a couple to showcase that powerhouse.”

Iris blushed again. “Maybe?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Noct said. “Well, what do you say to StarScourge? I think this was productive. Let’s fuck around and see if anything comes of it. We’ll all get the recordings to listen too and see what we think. Obviously there’s no rush right now. But I think if we can record an album over the next couple years while the legal heat dies, we can jump right in with new music.”

“Just one thing,” Gladio said, pulling out his phone. “Time to post a selfie of us in the recording booth.”

That one selfie traveled fast on the internet. Fans were freaking out and asked if they were recording new music. Of course, the #staytuned didn’t give the fans any real knowledge, but a nice teaser at least. Noctis was pleased. This was really the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I had this done for like a couple weeks, I just kept forgetting to post. I have the rest done, I just need to proof it. Will probably post the rest in the next week or so. Thank to everyone for being so patient and loving the story with me.


	25. Past: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past: Los Angeles  
> Ardyn has called Noctis into his office for a talk about how Ghostfire's first tour is going. Noctis is not happy to be there.

Past: Los Angeles

Ardyn motioned Noctis to sit down in one of the uncomfortable chairs across from his desk. It had been a rough first year of touring. Noct was exhausted all the time with the grueling schedule. Barely speaking to Gladio had been harder than he’d imagined and it had strained his relationship with Prompto and Ignis. As they all had to share space while on the road, it was doubly hard. Especially when he accidentally touched Gladio.

“Noctis, my dear,” Ardyn said, leaning back. “You’re looking peaked. How are you doing dear boy?”

“Exhausted.”

Ardyn waved away his concerns. “To be expected of a rock star such as yourself. I must say, I’d hoped that your tiff with your ex wouldn’t be such a problem, but you both need to at least pretend to like each other on stage. I mean, this is show business after all.”

“What do you want me to do?” Noct felt defeated. First it was don’t be too friendly and now be friendly. The man wanted the impossible.

“Pretend, Noctis.”

“I’ve been fucking pretending. It’s exhausting. We barely speak and it’s hard to carry on.”

Ardyn leaned forward. “Well, I’m sure we can come up with a suitable solution between the three of us.”

“Besides, weren’t you the one that said we shouldn’t been seen together in any ‘suggestive’ way? Or am I dreaming?” Noct was pissed now.

“Dear boy!” Ardyn spread his arms. “That is something I couldn’t control, you know how corporate is. I’m trying to look out for you. I don’t want you sticking your tongues down each other’s throats in public, but being brotherly is the goal. I’ve come across a few tabloids that talk about how a breakup is imminent. We can’t have that happen so early in your careers. You are all wonderful, talented individuals and the world needs your voices. Please.”

He looked so innocent, but Noct felt there was something wrong about the man, something he hadn’t thought about it. Something he’d missed. What was his game?

“I can’t promise anything on his part, but I can promise I’ll do better on mine,” he eventually said through gritted teeth. Being the lead singer of an instantly famous band had almost destroyed him. Or maybe it had and he just didn’t know yet. Either way, he felt like he was unravelling.

“Excellent,” Ardyn said, all smiles now. “Very good. Now, we have a few more tour dates coming and we need to get you all back in the recording booth for another album. We can’t be slack, as you know it does take time to get these things rolling.”

“Of course, was there anything else?” Noct said, trying to get out of the meeting. He just wanted to go back home and finally be able to just do nothing for a day or so. He’d had no idea how awful this job was sometimes. Especially when it came to night after night performances. But here he was.

“How are you doing?” Ardyn asked. He looked concerned but that might have just been an act.

Cautiously, Noct answered. “I’ve been very tired, but should be able to rest up over the next week.”

“Yes, please do. We need our lead singer in tip-top shape for the next leg.” Ardyn smiled and stood up. “The band is doing very well, you know. There are so many fans that just love your work. I think we want to make sure they are happy. Perhaps, if you aren’t too tired, we can do some interviews on local stations this week. They can even be conference calls so you can rest up. How does that sound, eh Noctis?”

“That should work.” Noct wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of this stuffy office and back home to his bed.

“I’m sure your fans would love nothing more.” Arydn looked out over the city. “Anyway,” he turned to Noct, “you should get that rest you’ve been needing. I’ll let you know any scheduled interviews so you can be prepared.”

“Thanks,” Noct said. He stood up, shook Ardyn’s extended hand and headed out of the office. It was a relief to be out of that close space and into the larger hallway.

He almost ran out of the building, but controlled his steps until he hit the parking garage. The trip back to his new house was a short one, miles wise, but at this time of day it took him almost a half an hour due to the traffic in the area.

At home, he hurriedly brought in his luggage and left it by the front door. It was nice to be home. Though he was rarely here since he bought it, he wanted nothing more than some alone time. He headed for his wine rack and pulled out a bottle of red from a case he’d picked up and shipped from France on their tour.

He poured himself a generous glass and drank deeply before heading to his room to play something on the TV. He settled for some repeats of his favorite Netflix shows. Before he hit play, he remembered that he needed to take his anti-anxiety meds. They’d been a godsend the last couple months on tour and probably the only reason why he’d be able to complete it at all.

He popped two and looked at his reflection. An almost gaunt man stared back at him, with some dark circles under his eyes. He’d learned how to hide those with make-up, just in case someone wasn’t there to help him out. But now, it didn’t matter. He could rest up, eat, and sleep as much as he wanted.

Feeling a little less jittery, he laid on his bed and hit play. Slowly, he fell sleep, lulled by the wine and the shows. Finally, he could rest.


	26. Present: Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noctis, Gladio, Iris, Ignis, and Prompto all appear for the first time on stage as StarScourge.

Present: Los Angeles

Noct rolled out his shoulders a couple times. This would be their first performance on the stage since Ghostfire broke up. This would be the first test for the the new band StarScourge, with the addition of Iris as backup vocals. The band had flirted with another member, but over the course of the last eighteen months, they hadn’t been able to find a good fit.

They were one of the opening acts, which felt very strange as it had been years and years since they hadn’t been the headliner performance. Noct grinned, the anxiety he once felt at performances was still there but he felt more energetic and more excited than he had in a long time.

Gladio was shaking himself out, slowly and methodically. Ignis adjusted his glasses: cool and collected. Prompto shook out his hands and legs, trying to work out the excess anxiety Noct knew he had to deal with. Iris, he noticed had closed her eyes and rocked back and forth on her heels.

“You all ready?” Noct asked quietly.

The rest of the band turned to him and nodded one by one.

“Good,” he said. “We are going to kill it out there. It’s our first show as a band, and I just know it’s going to be amazing. The audience is going to love us. We got this!”

“Yeah!” Prompto cheered.

Ignis grinned. Gladio kissed Noct quickly. Iris, however, stuck her hand out. Noct loved her like his own sister. He placed his hand on hers and everyone followed suit. They cheered again on three.

The crowd was wild when the band name was announced.

“This is it,” Noct yelled over the noise.

He climbed the three stairs and burst out on the stage. The venue was dark, but he could see the place was packed. He grinned. It had all be worth it to be here again, to perform. He had been born for this.

“Hello, Los Angeles!” he yelled. “How are you tonight?”

Another wave of screaming came at them.

He chuckled. “That’s what I like to hear! We are StarScourge, though you may have remember a little band some of us used to play in called Ghostfire. Well, we’ve got a treat for you tonight. Some goddamn new music!”

The crowd went insane at that, and Noct turned to Prompto to play them in for the first new song, “Living Los Angeles,” which had been their second song to record.

_Waking up on Sunset_

_waking up in Venice_

_Los Angeles, you are home_

_Los Angeles, you are home_

Noct belted out as the band came in right behind him as a wall of sound.

_Can I find what I’m looking for_

_here in the City of Angels_

_where all I see are devils_

_and salesmen_

_shiny new cars_

_and old beat up houses_

Gladio thrummed along and Prompto pounded. Iris had come closer to the front of the stage to sing harmony with Noct. The next part was his favorite. Alternating lines with her.

“Let me in, teach me your secrets,” he sang.

“Come come show me your heart,” she followed up.

“Give me the fame, the glory, the love.”

“Have my dreams, make them come true,” Iris sang, her eyes closed.

Together they sang the chorus:

_Los Angeles, you are home_

_City of Angles, deliver me to heaven_

_here in palm paradise_

_and apartment parties_

_houses on hills_

_and beautiful people._

Noct danced around the stage trying to be as energetic as he could be, revving the cheering masses. He had finally found home here, like he had when they’d first started out. Once the song concluded, he came back to the front of the stage.

“Thank you, thank you,” he said. “How did you like that?”

The audience screamed that they loved it.

“What? It’s so hard to hear you guys. How did you like that?”

They cheered even louder.

“Now that’s more like it,” he grinned. “You may know some of us. I’m Noctis, this here is Ignis on the keyboard, Prompto on the drums, Gladio on the bass, and our lovely Iris here is vocals. How great is she?”

The crowd cheered so loud. Noct grinned. “Yeah, we really like her too. She’s awesome. We’ve got a couple more songs for you. The next one is the first one we wrote for our album. Iris, Gladio and I wrote this together. I think you’ll like it, but you’ll have to tell us after!”

Ignis began the song, slow and steady, building up pressure. Noct listened for his cue with Iris.

_Wake up, the alarm bright_

_howling in the dark. Shapes filter_

_from the hotel’s dim light_

_stumble out of bed, off kilter_

_and here’s me, hoping he just might_

They’d played this song so many times that it was almost rote, but Noct could feel the magic working on the audience. Gladio played even better than the recordings they’d done. Prompto’s touch was almost too delicate. It was so beautiful

_Lost among the strip, the stars_

_I wander the boulevard newly taken_

_the siren song of the neon bars_

_but I’ve locked that, the edges blacken_

_here, in the city of cars._

Iris’s voice soared high above his, almost angelic in it’s tone and so achingly haunting with the music. Noct had to focus on his own voice to remain steady under hers.

_I wanted more, more, more_

_never happy with the lot I’d been given_

_but what can this beggar do?_

_Except to give up his life_

_start something new, reclaim the gifts_

“I wanted your hand, here,” Noct said, gesturing to Gladio. “Instead of the drugs and beer. I had no solace, the days dark and the nights bleaker and stark, when all I wanted was your hand in mine, tied as we were to the band.”

Gladio moved closer and Noct rested his head on his shoulder. This would be their big actually coming out moment. The last year they’d finally found their true rhythm and it had been even more amazing than the first time.

Noct couldn’t help but smile when Gladio lowered his head to rest it on Noct’s.

_Down the boulevard_

_Down the boulevard_

_I see what I could have had past_

_what was mine and what I lost_

_just for the fame, for a taste_

_of our dreams, your body traced._

Iris added the next section to close the song out. She’d been an expert even though she claimed she hadn’t been. So, her voice soared again and Noct gave her harmony in deference.

_I wanted more, more, more_

_and now, here in this desert oasis,_

_you’ve finally quenched my thirst_

_This beggar, once gave his life_

_and now, you’ve come back_

_and given him something new._

The crowd went insane after the last notes finally faded from the theatre. Noct grinned and kissed Gladio, in full view of everyone. And the crowd screamed again with catcalls and whistles.

Noct grinned, his lips locked to Gladio’s still. When he looked, Iris was beaming, cheeks flushed with excitement. She took a few steps back and Noct broke away to come up stage so she wouldn’t feel so exposed.

“Well, how’d you like that? It’s one of my favorites.”

This time, he could make out a few words screamed from the audience of “I loved it!” This, this was what made him happiest.

“Good! You’ll probably hear a lot it if you come to our shows. Its one of our favorite songs. We’ve got a few more songs to go, and one old classic just for you. Ready?”

And the rest of the set went by in a blur. Noct felt more alive than he had in the last few years. As much as he loved writing the songs and coming up with new ideas for them, it was the performance aspect that he’d missed. Not the big stadiums, but these intimate venues. It was the wild energy surging around him, the utter sync with the band that made this all worth it.

And now that Ardyn was out of the picture, and they could all be themselves on stage and off, Noct felt no pressure but the pressure to do his best for the fans, for himself, and the band.

Finally, his dreams had come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all your wonderful comments and notes throughout. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it.
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at hbrooks01.tumblr.com and send me encouraging notes! I'm hoping to post a chapter every week or two depending on how crazy RL gets. This story will most likely be told in Present/Past format though it may change as I finish up back story and may include different POV. It's all just a bit sketchy in my head, but I have a plan!
> 
> Encouragement means I'll work harder to finish it! ;P


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